Ecosystems & Espionage & Etiquette
by Daughter of the Crypt
Summary: Elizabeth works for the CIA, Darcy works for the NSA. gasp, he's not president like every other typical P&P government fanfiction.
1. DISCLAIMERS

**DISCLAIMERS**

**Author's Note:** This document was originally typed up on Microsoft Word 2007, so some editing has been done to make it friendly. There were originally footnotes, but does not support footnotes, so instead foot notes will be written in brackets.

Strangely enough, the author does not live on reviews, does not care whether you review or not, and will not beg for reviews.

The rating is currently K+, but if requested, the author will bring it up to T.

Not all of these are disclaimers, some "disclaimers" are actually warnings/etc.

This story was written mainly to annoy/etc. people. So if you dislike this story, mission accomplished.

Any corrections would be greatly appreciated, especially if someone would double-check the science and computer stuff.

All notes to reviewers will be written in the "chapter" titled "Reviewers, look at this."

**In this fictitious world, you must assume that Jane Austen was never alive, and the book Pride and Prejudice was never written, or that would make this whole story seem like a warped large-scale déjà vu. **

**DISCLAIMER: Due to the fact the author absolutely HATES and LOATHES and DESPISES mushy romance stories, this story contains some craziness, some insanity, and a LOT of creative liberty and randomness. **

**DISCLAIMER II: ALL EMAILS ARE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FAKE. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM EMAILING ANY OF THE EMAIL ADDRESSES AS I TAKE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY CONSEQUENCES FROM E-MAILING THE EMAIL ADDRESSES. **

**DISCLAIMER III: ALL CONTACT INFORMATION IN THIS STORY IS FAKE. PLEASE DO NOT TRY CONTACTING WITH THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION. I ASSUME ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONISIBILITY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF CONTACTING THE CONTACT INFORMATION IN THIS STORY. ALSO, ALL THE WEBSITES IN THIS STORY ARE FAKE. PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO GO TO ANY OF THE WEBSITES, IF YOU DO, YOU ASSUME ALL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR DOING SO. **

**DISCLAIMER IV: **

**Craziness, Insanity, and Randomness Facts**

Serving Size Two ch. (Four half ch.)

Serving Per Story: One Story

Amount Per Serving

**Calories 0 **

**Total Fat 0**[{1} Unless you are currently consuming fat containing foods, but that is not my problem, don't eat near electronics. :P]

**Protein 0**

**Randomness 27.593732**

**Insanity 17395.29456**

**Craziness **

Each serving contains the average person's daily dose of randomness. Each individual's tolerance of randomness, insanity and craziness differ. Please consult your local insane asylum if you are unsure of how much craziness, randomness and insanity your fragile mind can take.

**DISCLAIMER V: PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT ANY OF THE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES VIA THE INFORMATION IN THIS STORY. IF YOU DO CONTACT THE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES, YOU MUST ASSUME ALL RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING SO. **

**DISCLAIMER VI: NOT ALL OF THE INFORMATION ON THE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES ARE TRUE, MOST OF THE INFORMATION HAS BEEN MADE UP BY THE AUTHOR. **

**DISCLAIMER VII: THE AUTHOR ASSUMES ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY CONSEQUENCES RESULTING FROM READING THIS STORY. THE READER ASSUMES ALL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL CONSEQUENCES FROM READING THIS STORY.**

**DISCLAIMER VIII: DO NOT TAKE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION SERIOUSLY, IT IS MOSTLY UNTRUE, AND A FIGMENT OF THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION. **

**DISCLAIMER IX: IF YOU FAIL TO READ ALL THE DISCLAIMERS AND THE COPYRIGHT STATEMENT, THAT IS COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT, AND ALL CONSEQUENCES ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY; YOURS AND YOURS ALONE, YOU MAY NOT BLAME IT ON ANY BYPASSING PENGUIN OR PERSON.**

**DISCLAIMER X: OBVIOUSLY, I DO NOT OWN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, THE STORY BELONGS TO JANE AUSTEN. YOU CANNOT SUE ME, BECAUSE UNDER USA COPYRIGHT LAW, FANFICTION IS ALLOWED. **

**NOTE: THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THE NINTH DISCLAIMER IS IF YOU ARE BEING STALKED BY A CREEPY STALKER, HAD TO ESCAPE SOMETHING TRULY SCARY [i.e. the Midnight Sun, Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, etc.], OR GOT CONTACTED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO IGNORE THE DISCLAIMERS. **

**CONCERNING COPYRIGHTS: THIS IS A FIGMENT OF THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION, SO PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO STEAL IT. PLEASE USE YOUR OWN IMAGINATION, AS STEALING THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION MAY RESULT IN UNPLEASANT CONSEQUENCES, SUCH AS RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT IF THE YETI IS AN ALBINO SASQUATCH, THE MEANING OF LIFE, THE MIDNIGHT SUN!, DARK CHOCOLATE, CHEESE, MUSIC, PI, PHI, GREEK, ARTEMIS, LATIN, ATHENA, OWLS, WOLVES, CATS, ESPIONAGE, SOLAR POWER, LUNAR POWER, TIDAL POWER AND WHETHER UNICORNS CAN FLY, THOUGH NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER, PLUS SOME THOUGHTS MAY BE REPEATED TWICE, AND SOME THOUGHTS WERE NOT EVEN STATED, BECAUSE OF THE HUGE QUANTITY OF IMAGINATION THE AUTHOR POSSESSES. WHICH BASICALLY MEANS, DON'T STEAL ANY PHRASES FROM THE STORY AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN. PLEASE CITE EVERYTHING CORRECTLY IF NEEDED. **


	2. Stuff that begins with C

**Calls, CIA, chocolate, cheese, cougars, and a bunch of stuff that starts with C**

**Author's Note: **Most of the plot/sub-plot will be explained at the end in short chapters/paragraphs/etc.

Elizabeth Bennet opened her e-mail browser. One unread message. It read (Wait, she clicked on it first, or else it would still be unread):

To: Elizabeth Bennet .gov And a bunch of other classified people

From: Updates .gov

PEOPLE: The following known agents are to arrive

Mr. Bingley of the USSS on Monday at Netherfield Park

HIGH CLEARANCE

PLACES: Atlantis has drifted across the Pacific Ocean and is nearing Hawai'i.

THINGS: A new translator has been invented. Please see the INVENTIONS page on our website for details.

Oh great, high clearance rich peoples, Mother will be badgering us again and get us to marry one of them or something,Elizabeth thought disgustedly. Sure enough, three seconds later, her cell phone rang. CALLER ID- Agent Isabel ( ∞)123-4567. It rang three times in a row before Elizabeth gave in and answered the phone. The millisecond she pressed the answering button, her mother started talking nonstop. Actually, it was less of talking, and more like shrieking at the highest pitch of a piccolo.

"Have you seen? Mr. Bingley is going to arrive on Monday! That barely gives me- us enough time to get ready for their arrival. I'm sure he's a great person; I've heard he's handsome and rich and he has high security clearance, which means access to top secret info and-"

"Mo-_ther!_ He's probably just here for a bit of business, so stop it! Plus I'm busy all next week." Her mother was quiet for a moment (an extremely rare phenomenon), then tried the guilt trip.

"But honey, you have to have connections in our line of work. Your father is head right now, but it's rumored that Mr. Collins will be promoted very very soon, and everyone knows that if he's promoted, your father will be left with nothing, and what will we do? We'll be eliminated, stuck on some uninhabited island to fend for ourselves."

"You know they won't do that…" Elizabeth started to argue, but then stopped, she wasn't quite sure about that, the CIA could throw retirees onto a random island so their retired agents won't blab. "Anyways why don't you talk to father and Lyd, Mary, Cath and Jane first? You know how I can't stand this stuff." Her mother sighed, "Fine dear, but we'll talk about his over dinner. And you are NOT going to miss dinner for any reason tonight, I don't care if you're dead, write that you wish to go to dinner into your will and testament."

"Okay mother. Bye." Elizabeth pressed the end call button before her mother could say anything else. She knew it was rude, but her mother's tendency to run off topic and to talk at the speed of light annoyed her. A LOT. Elizabeth set down the phone and then her phone went _ping_. Thankfully, it was a text message from her best friend, Charlotte.

Agent Charlotte – 15:27:35

_Cu at dinner? _

Agent Elizabeth – 15:28:43

_Cant, mom said Im 2 go 2 dinner even if im x_X_

Agent Charlotte – 15:30:01

_Ooh, poor u, 2morro breakfast? Iv got infos on op mtnl_

Agent Elizabeth – 15:31:49

_OMZiccles! 2morro def! Could u come ovr 4 dinnr?_

Agent Charlotte – 15:33:06

_Need 2 stay at caf 4 op, cyas, gtg_

Agent Elizabeth – 15: 34:54

_Kk cyas_

Agent Isabel – 15:34:59

_Dinnr at 6! Dont u dare b l8!_

Agent Elizabeth – 15: 36:07

_Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! _

Elizabeth set down her phone and headed out of her office into the surveillance room. She flashed her badge at the scanner, typed in the password, and went through a ton of security measures before the door finally slid open. Unhooking a pair of earphones from the wall, she settled down in front of the numerous screens. This was the closest thing to peace and quiet that she could achieve.

A random _BLIP_ jolted Elizabeth out of her zombie zone. Realizing it was just when the surveillance tapes had been switched, she calmed and glanced at her watch. She freaked. There was five minutes left before six o'clock. She logged out of the computer, shoved her earphones at the person who just walked in, (she was a random, unimportant person, well at least unimportant in this story, I think she is very much important to her friends and family and the government ) and ran out of the room. The security guard almost freaked from her suddenly rushing out, but he knew Mrs. Bennet and how she always nagged everyone about being punctual.

Elizabeth raced through her office, grabbing her phone and laptop before rushing out to the helipad. Luckily, a black helicopter was arriving. She jumped aboard it immediately after the agents inside stepped out. Almost shoving the pilot out the door, she found enough patience to wait a few seconds for the pilot to step out. She slid into the pilot's seat and took off towards her family's house. [Actually, she threw her stuff under the seat, and then sat down, but whatever.]

Arriving with exactly one second to spare, Elizabeth was in a horrible mood. She got along fine with her family, but she didn't care much for marriage and money and stuff like that. Elizabeth opened the door to find Mrs. Bennet glaring at her with her arms crossed.

"You're the last one here." She said, slightly upset.

"Sorry mother." Elizabeth walked into the house. Mr. Bennet was sitting at the table, idly twiddling his thumbs. [Oh, and he was whistling too.] Mary was trying to sneak a book under the table, but Mrs. Bennet snatched it from her. Lydia was chatting with Jane about the new multi-use shoes [If you're wondering, they're shoes and they double as satellite dishes, but it's a prototype, so I'm not sure if it works.] Catherine was doing something useful [unlike the others], she was poking a piece of cheese with her fork. Mrs. Bennet sat down and smiled [a fake one, of course]. "Mr. Bingley is about to arrive, I want you all to make this house look presentable, or at least liveable."

"But mother, we _don't _ live here. Not really, only about twenty percent of the time." Mary said. "And whoever said he was going to come here?"

"Come on children, we'll arrange to meet him. Won't that be great?"

"Um…yes?" her daughters said, then muttered "NOT!" under their breaths.

"Dear, I'm sure they're all quite busy, I know I'll be. You're not trying to marry our children off right? Because it's time for our children to make their own choices now. They're…um…adults now." Mr. Bennet said [he wasn't really sure how old his daughters were], absentmindedly picking up a carrot and trying to stab his fork with it. "What? Oh oops, silly me." He muttered and set down the carrot.

"But it's about time they get married, they're-"

"Young, who cares if they don't get married?" Mr. Bennet tried to eat his spoon [Which contained much more than his recommended daily intake of iron.] Mrs. Bennet smiled a fake-ish smile and changed the subject, she knew when she was beat. "So how's work?"

Elizabeth woke up and stared into the mirror. Her hair was haywire. It took her an entire five minutes to make it look somewhat presentable, which was a long time, considering she once styled her hair while flying a helicopter through enemy territory. Ten minutes later, she was sitting in the CIA internet café. When Charlotte stepped into the café, Liz almost attacked her. "So what is it? What'd you learn? Huh huh huh?" Charlotte laughed and playfully pushed Elizabeth away. "Let me get some food first."

Charlotte came back to the table with coffee, chocolate, cheese, chocolate, tea, chocolate, and a salad. "Okay, so we got some footage on something in the woods, we suspect it's Mona, but not sure."

"So Mona didn't die? Awesomeness, but then, what was that carcass? It was definitely a big cat of some sort, and it looked mountain lion-like." Elizabeth said, chewing her food thoughtfully. Charlotte drank her coffee and then moved onto her tea. "What's with all that caffeine? Late night?" Liz asked. "Yeah, some people were trying to hack through our firewalls., and they were people, not computers, but we counter hacked them and totaled their computers." Elizabeth stopped eating for a moment to ask, "What'd they steal?"

"It wasn't that important, they got into the PK archives and found out that the PK turned in a report on cheese powered vehicles on the 14th. Which wasn't even true." Charlotte said. "HA! But they deserve it. Whoever they are. But it's obvious the President's Kid wouldn't be smart enough to figure out cheese science, he's only 6 months old." Elizabeth said. "But that's all? They only found some footage on what might be a cat?"

"Oh no, not what "might be a cat" it was obviously a large cat, but we're not sure if it's Mona. You're the cat expert." Charlotte finished most of her food and put the chocolate into her bag. "Oh, and we found another cub, but haven't got around to tagging it…yet."

"OMZeezicles!" Elizabeth squealed, then ran out of the café.

"And the…area it was spotted…is here." Charlotte said, holding up a piece of paper, then shook her head, she'd have to send it to Elizabeth.


	3. Long Latin Words

23:11

**Puma concolor couguar and Odocoileus virginianus and Felis phantasma**

**Author's Note: **Originally, the texting was written in Synchro LET, but Fanfiction[.]net does not support that font. Neither does Windows. The author can't really keep track of dates in stories, so the times will be kind of off. The author will try to go through it again to fix any problems.

Elizabeth was happy. She managed to find the cub _and_ a unicorn deer. White-tailed deer aren't endangered, but it was interesting to find a unicorn deer. She was happily looking at the cougar tracking map when her phone went _ping._

Agent Isabel – 11:04:02

Ur dad has met mr bingley at meeting arr. To come to our house on sat

Agent Elizabeth – 11: 06: 69

Mhm

Agent Isabel – 11:08:00

Ru coming?

Agent Elizabeth – 11: 09:39

Get back 2u in hr, going 2c schedule

Agent Isabel – 11:10:74

Kk

Agent Charlotte – 11:10:75

u find it?

Agent Elizabeth – 11:12:05

YES! N I fnd unicorn deer!

Agent Charlotte – 11:12:98

U hav pic?

Agent Elizabeth – 11: 13:49

Postr wrthy

Agent Charlotte – 11:14:20

Epic. where r u?

Agent Elizabeth – 11:15:75

Office

Agent Charlotte – 11:16:45

Cool cya

Elizabeth put her phone into her bag. When she turned around, Charlotte was already standing in the doorway. "Wow, you're fast." Elizabeth smiled, opening her laptop. "Here it is." She opened her Pictures folder.

"How is it?" Charlotte asked, concerned.

"It was fine when I saw it, it didn't seem to have any problems." Elizabeth said, dragging the photo to a template and filling in the form on it.

"Cool. Could you make it into a poster for me?" Charlotte asked.

"Make it yourself!" Elizabeth copied the photo along with a pudding recipe and some reports onto a disc and gave it to Charlotte. Charlotte curled up onto a bean bag chair and took out her laptop. "I love your office." She said. "I wish my office was this big and had all this stuff."

"Well, the stuff is mine. But yeah, I'm lucky to have this office." Lizzy agreed. This was a way better day than yesterday.

_Ping! _Oh no, Lizzie thought, it's from my mom. That's not good.

Agent Isabel

So can u come on sat

Agent Elizabeth

No I hav 2 go 2 meetng at Forestall

Agent ISABEL

FINE LUVYas

Agent Elizabeth

Bye

Elizabeth was dreading the meeting in Forestall, but she hated the thought of meeting Mr. Bingley even more. (She didn't hate Mr. Bingley, she didn't even _know_ Mr. Bingley, but she hated how her mother would end up talking small talk about something boring, like the quadratic formula.) She typed up a report on the colossal squid and watched the clip on the big cat again. The cat in the clip had a ninety percent chance of being Mona. Elizabeth had a brain flash and rushed out to the helipad. The CIA wasn't extremely busy at the moment, so there was plenty of helicopters. She threw her gear under the seat and took off. Steering with one hand, she set the GPS unit with her other. The GPS synched with her radar and showed the coordinates as a blinking green blob.

Finally, she found what she was looking for, a decaying carcass of a large animal. Elizabeth took out a small jar and tweezers, and took a sample of the carcass. The thing was most likely a predator, it had large fangs that could pierce a saxophone easily. However, the thing did not look remotely cat-like. Vultures and other scavengers were hovering nearby, waiting for Lizzy to leave. Lizzie walked away from the carcass slowly, as not to startle the scavengers.

Lizzie gave the sample to Charlotte to analyse. She could hardly wait for the results. Chewing on a piece of taffy, she started packing for Forestall. Even though Lizzie could obviously just bring nothing, she wanted it to feel as vacation-like as possible, since she got so few. Checking her e-mail once before boarding the personal jet, she found these:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Wildlife Protection Organisation wpo_

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your incredibly generous donation of time and effort in saving the Lily Woods from lumber companies. We hereby invite you to a gathering on Friday the 16th. Please feel free to bring any of your friends.

Signed,

President Walterson of the WPO

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Armadillo Pogosticks .com

Hi!

We will be hosting a pogostick competition for armadillos on Tuesday the 11th. Admission is five chocolate covered turnips if you preorder tickets and seven fondue covered caramelized onions at the door. If you would like to enter your armadillo in the competition, go to our website [] for details, forms, and schedules. Plane tickets for your pet pig may also be purchased through our website, but please remember, pigs must fly first-class.

Ciao,

Hendrick Hendrickson the 98th, CEO of Armadillo Pogosticks®

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation .

Dear Elizabeth,

We have some speculations about the existence of a cat capable of camouflage. All the laws of science show that such a cat can not _possibly _exist. We treat your work with the utmost respect, but nature simply does not allow a cat like this.

However, the colossal squid and the giant squid were written off as legends and myths until recently proved to exist, so we do admit it might be almost possible for a cat that can camouflage at will to exist. _Almost_.

Please do not hesitate to send us anymore reports regarding the "Camou-Cat", or any other report, we find your reports an excellent addition to science.

The FBI

Elizabeth was slightly annoyed how the FBI had rejected her proposal on the existence of cats capable of changing the color of their fur. It wasn't that unbelievable, and even if it was, the cats _do _exist, and nobody can do anything about it. (Well, unless they managed to wipe out the species, but that would just be cruel.) Elizabeth added the Armadillo Pogostick Competition to her calendar and turned off her computer. (To save energy, of course!) Finally, she left her office and boarded the private jet.

The meeting wasn't as bad as Elizabeth thought it would be, something remotely interesting had happened. A monkey had accidentally bumped into the old rusty Official Antique Barbeque Grill, and made a small dent in it, which had brought the value down a whole cent. [The Official Antique Barbeque Grill was only worth ¼ of a cent in the first place {according to Antique Roadshow} so now it's worth -¾ of a cent, which means they would have to pay someone for buying it.] Nothing even slightly interesting had happened at the meeting before. Usually, someone read out some reports, showed a PowerPoint, blew up/completely destroyed/incinerated something, and the elephant baked a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and raspberry sauce. Actually, the cake was very good. [Compared to the red velvet cakes made by the famous chef, Le Chef.] Anyways, the good thing was Elizabeth had managed to escape her mother. But, her mother had sent her twenty e-mails:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: CBBC

Dear Elizabeth,

What should I do with your Complimentary Barf Bag Collection?

-Mom

To: Agent Isabel .gov

From: Agent Elizabeth .gov

Subject: Re: CBBC

Dear mother,

Please leave my complimentary barf bag collection where it is.

Thank you.

Your daughter,

Elizabeth

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov; Agent Jane .gov; Agent Lydia .gov; Agent Catherine .gov; Agent Mary .gov; Agent Ammadon .gov;

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: Plates

Dear family,

I seem to have misplaced the china. Has anybody seen them recently?

Love you all, 3

To: Agent Isabel .gov

From: Agent Elizabeth .gov

Subject: Re: Plates

No, I have not seen the china plates recently; perhaps they got moved to the attic after the flood in the basement?

-Elizabeth

There were quite a few e-mails concerning misplaced items and the relocation of items.

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov; Agent Jane .gov; Agent Lydia .gov; Agent Catherine .gov; Agent Mary .gov;

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: [No Subject]

Dear daughters,

I have found Mr. Bingley a great person. He would be an excellent addition to the family, if possible [hint hint].

He has made arrangements to leave, but he said he would return with a friend. Hopefully, the CIA will keep us updated.

Love,

Your mother

Elizabeth had hoped that Mr. Bingley was only here for a visit, and would leave their lives after some government business was finished, but it seemed that was not the case. Her sister, Mary, had hacked into the USSS records and discovered Mr. Bingley worked on Social Connections/Human Interaction, which was the field Jane worked in. Thankfully, Elizabeth didn't, if it wasn't because of Jane, she wouldn't know anybody working in that field. Because of the Mr. Bingley person, life just got a lot more complicated.


	4. Dreaded Dresses

23:15

**Dreaded Dresses**

**Author's Note: ** Hey, this is the first chapter that is exactly the same as the Fanfiction[.]net chapter name. The others have been different because Fanfiction[.]net doesn't allow really long chapter names.

Mr. Bingley was coming back. With his friend. Elizabeth had just received an e-mail regarding this (wait, make that two):

To: Elizabeth Bennet .gov And a bunch of other classified people

From: Updates .gov

PEOPLE:

Mr. Bingley of the USSS will be re-arriving on Thursday.

Ms. Bingley of the USSS will be arriving on Thursday.

Ms. Bingley of the USSS will be arriving on Thursday.

PLACES:

Atlantis has docked at Hawai'i and is now drifting toward the Gulf of California.

Laputa is drifting toward Mt. St. Helens

THINGS:

The prototype for satellite shoes has failed. See INVENTIONS on our website for more information.

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: Mr. Bingley

Mr. Bingley has arranged to come back. We will be meeting him in Netherfield. I have checked your schedule, and marked the time. You will NOT be getting out of this. So HA!

Your loving mother,

Weird, Mr. Bingley's friend wasn't listed under the "people" section. Either he hadn't found his friend, or his friend was so classified that his arrival was top secret. Good news and bad news. She would be meeting this top secret person in Netherfield, but that was also the bad news. She absolutely LOATHED the dances her mother made her go to. Wait, make that three:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Isabel .gov

Subject: Mr. Bingley

Dear Elizabeth,

Change of plans, we will be meeting Mr. Bingley and his friends and family in Meryton. You are going dress shopping.

Your loving mother

Okay, she would rather not know who Mr. Bingley's friend was then go dress shopping. There were very few things Elizabeth wouldn't do, and dancing and shopping were two of them. _Ping! _

Agent Isabel – 15:29:53

_We r going 2 fnd u a dress NOW! Cmon_

Agent Elizabeth – 15:30:57

_Fine. hmph._

Grrr, Elizabeth growled and set down her phone. Why the heck do I have to go to the dance? So unfair. Whatever, just get over it Elizabeth, she told herself.

"How about this one?" Mrs. Bennet asked, holding up a pink and orange dress.

"Can't I choose for myself?" Elizabeth asked.

"How about this one?" Ms. Bennet held up another dress, ignoring her daughter's question. They didn't have to go shopping, the CIA had plenty of disguises for their agents. Elizabeth spotted a nondescript green dress.

"That's nice too, dear." Her mother said, happy that Elizabeth had finally given in. "It goes nicely with your eyes." Elizabeth almost put it back on the rack because of that, then changed her mind, her mother would surely give her something much worse.

"May I be excused now?" she asked, not wanting to stay a second more, lest her mother change her mind and give her something ostentatious.

Elizabeth locked herself in her office and blocked her mother from calling her. She also made herself to her mother on the internet. _Ping! _

Agent Jane – 16:45:04

_Isnt it gr8? I absltly __3 dances_

Agent Mary – 16:47:02

_I think its horrbl im going 2 hav 2 skip the adv tech semin r_

Agent Lydia – 16:47:69

_Wat r u going 2 wear?_

Elizabeth blocked her sisters too. This is infuriating! She thought, and turned off all her electronics. Then she went out into her small yard that was connected to her office. [Yes, her office was absolutely wonderful.] At least there, nobody could bother her about dresses and advanced technology seminars. Seriously, who cares?

The day came much too early. Elizabeth tried to delay getting into her dress as much as possible, but then her mother threatened that if she didn't wear the dress, she would send Jane. It was blackmail. From her own mother. Because even though it didn't sound threatening, Jane would spend hours doing Elizabeth's hair, and then some more hours doing her nails. Elizabeth changed into her dress; the alternative was just much too terrible.

Come on clock, just tick a little faster, pretty please. Lizzie thought, staring at all the couples around her. She was stuck sitting in an uncomfortable chair, watching everyone else. On the plus side, the food was absolutely delicious, though not all of it was vegetarian. [Elizabeth was a vegetarian, in case you haven't been able to infer that.] Jane was dancing with Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth wondered if it was because they were practically made for each other, or if her mother had done something. Probably a little bit of both. The clock continued to tick along, slower then scientifically possible. Even if you applied Einstein's theory on relativity.

Elizabeth had sat there for an hour. She was bored out of her mind. Mr. Bingley sat down at a table next to hers. Another man, presumably Mr. Bingley's friend, had been, much like Elizabeth, sitting there for the whole dance.

"Jane is absolutely wonderful." Mr. Bingley said.

"Sure…" Mr. Bingley's friend said, somewhat sarcastically.

"Aren't you going to dance?" Mr. Bingley asked.

"No! Absolutely not. All the people here are ugly and intolerable." Excusez moi? Elizabeth thought, almost screaming her thought aloud.

"What about Elizabeth? Mrs. Bennet's daughter? I like her, as a friend. She's kind and considerate." Mr. Bingley replied.

"HER? The girl who believes in chameleon cats? She's worse then the rest of them put all together. Mentally ill. Physically she's isn't as ugly though… She goes around chasing cats all day and I'd be surprised if she had-"

"FITZWILLIAM! That's rather unkind, don't you think?" Mr. Bingley interrupted. "I find no fault in "chasing cats", she simply cares for the earth a little more than the rest of us."

YAY! Mr. Bingley: 1 Mr. Darcy: 0 Elizabeth thought. Mr. Bingley left to dance with Jane again. "Hello, how do you like it here?" she asked Mr. Darcy, might as well fake being nice. "Fine. But I suppose the CIA can't do any better than this." Well so much for being nice, Elizabeth thought, "Excuse me? And who do you think you are?"

"I should think that's above your security clearance." He smirked. GRRR, Elizabeth growled to herself.

"Well I'm just going to infer you're Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy." He looked utterly shocked, then masked his reaction with The Face That Shows Nothing. "Hmph."

"I also find it quite rude to talk about people when they are sitting right next to you." Elizabeth continued. Mr. Darcy was shocked. The Face That Shows Nothing was gone, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't mask his emotions.

"I-" Mr. Darcy tried The Face of Disdain. "Hmph." He repeated and turned away. Well serves him right, Elizabeth thought bitterly, thoroughly offended by what he had just said. She didn't care about what her mother would say, she took out her laptop and ignored everyone else for the rest of the dance. Mr. Bingley tried to speak to her, but she thought it was partially his fault, since it was his friend. He had stood up for her even though he didn't really know her, so she decided she could forgive him later. She found the USSS global wifi and hacked into it. For some reason, the room wasn't getting the CIA wifi.

Elizabeth was still ticked off three hours after the dance. It was one in the morning, but she was still awake. She was somewhere in the forest, though wasn't sure exactly where. Surprisingly, the CIA wifi reached the forest. And somehow, Mr. Bingley had gotten ahold of her e-mail:

To: Agent Elizabeth .gov

From: Agent Charles char_

Subject: Please please open this

Dear Ms. Elizabeth Bennet,

I sincerely apologise for the atrocious behaviour of my friend, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. He works for the NSA, and he is a bit too proud of himself. He has high security clearance, though I doubt he has a lot more than you. Please do not tell him I told you this, but his security clearance is 7 above your beautiful sister, Jane's.

Please send my love to your sister.

I hope you accept my apologies, though I completely understand if you hate me now.

Charles Bingley

Elizabeth replied and said it wasn't his fault. Charlotte had gotten results of the DNA sampling on the carcass. Strangely, it was of a lynx; lynx primarily live in Canada and the north. Elizabeth went to her office to get a disc. There was a small blue note on her office door:

Your office has been moved. All things must be moved by tomorrow at noon. Anything remaining will be thrown away or donated to charity or destroyed or up for anyone to take. You will be moved to a stuffy 6 by 6 cubicle.

Elizabeth stared at the note. This was the absolutely worst week of her life. She went to find her father.

Mr. Bennet was filing slices of ham. He put the last slice of ham into the filing cabinet and locked it. Then he put the papers onto a slice of cheese and topped it with a sticky note.

"Father, why can't I keep my office?" Elizabeth asked.

"Hm? Oh Mr. Bingley will be using it for a day, while we fix the office next to Jane's. Then Mr. Darcy will have it permanently, he's a high ranking NSA agent, won't that be nice?" Mr. Bennet dumped some paper clips onto the sticky notepad.

"Could I please keep my office? Please?" Elizabeth begged. "And, um, I don't think you should eat that sandwich."

"Fine darling. You can have my sandwich if you would like. But you'll have to talk to Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy about the office." Elizabeth left in search of Mr. Bingley.

Mr. Bingley was fine with switching offices, saying it was the least he could do after his friend had been so rude. Mr. Darcy said he would rather share a cubicle then go somewhere SHE had been. Mr. Bingley: 2 Mr. Darcy: 0 That guy really needed to learn some proper etiquette. So Mr. Bingley was put in a cubicle, while Mr. Darcy, well who knew where he went? He was so high ranking and mysterious.

_Ping!_ Elizabeth's mother had somehow hacked her phone and laptop and unblocked herself.

Chatroom – 08:04:29

_[Agent Isabel has entered "Chatroom"]_

_[Agent Charlotte has entered "Chatroom"]_

_[Multiple agents have entered "Chatroom"]_

Lady_lucas: Mr. Bingley danced with Charlotte and Jane yesterday.

I_Bennet: He danced w/charlotte 1st

Lady_Lucas: I think he preferred Jane, he danced w/ her 2x

Char: this is slightly awkward

Eliza: -_-

I_Bennet: Mr. Bingley said his sister would be visiting soon

Eliza: Great

Char: huh

_[Agent Charlotte has exited "Chatroom"]_

_[Agent Elizabeth has exited "Chatroom"]_

Chat ended – 08:10:39

True to Mr. Bingley's words, his sisters visited. In Elizabeth's opinion, too many times. Mr. Bingley and Jane were getting closer, and they were commonly seen together. Jane claimed she just had a lot of business to discuss with him.

Sadly, she would be attending a conference with, grrr, Mr. Darcy, in a minute. And she would have to leave now, if she was going to make it there on time.

People were scattered all around the room. Elizabeth found Charlotte and pulled a chair up next to her.

"Parents." Elizabeth said.

"I know! It's so awkward when they discuss about you in front of you. It's as if we don't exist." Charlotte said. "But I do agree that Mr. Bingley does prefer Jane."

"They were made for each other." Elizabeth said. "But Jane's hiding her feelings."

"So true. But Mr. Bingley will lose interest in your sister if she does not display her affections." Charlotte replied in a grown-uppy voice.

"But you know how Jane is, she changes her mind so many times."

"Well I think they should just get married."

"You can't rush into marriage like that!" Elizabeth was horrified.

"Sh. They finally decided to start the conference." Charlotte shushed her.

"Hello all. Mr. Darcy of the NSA has arrived. He will be included in our meetings until he can decide which branch he would like to join. Does anyone have any updates? Robert? Kathryn?" the man at the head of the table asked.

"None." The two agents replied in unison.

"Anybody? Everybody here has enough clearance to know." He said, looking around. "Elizabeth?"

"What? Oh, um. There's a lynx carcass in the Sasquatch Swamps. Charlotte analysed it." Elizabeth said.

"Are you sure it's not a panther? They're live in Florida, unlike the lynx. You know, the lynx live in Canada. That's why they're called Canadian Lynx." Mr. Darcy said smugly.

"_Lynx Canadensis. _I know what I'm talking about. It was a lynx carcass." Elizabeth insisted.

"If you say so." Mr. Darcy said somewhat sarcastically.

"I do say so." Elizabeth said, her eyes flashing with barely contained rage.

"I believe there is illegal fur trade going on. The cat was skinned. Only the muscle and bone was left."

The man at the head of the table nodded. "We'll look into that. Anything else?"

A platter of tiny pies went by. Elizabeth amused herself by arranging and rearranging the small pile of pies in front of her while some guy went on and on about something uninteresting about the thickness of cardboard, I mean really, who the heck cares about _that_?


	5. Mr Bingley's Spinning Chair :P

**Mr. Bingley's Spinning Chair**

**Author's Note: **This is a short chapter, more like a paragraph, but needed.

Mr. Darcy entered the Mr. Bingley's office.

"Elizabeth Bennet. She's impossible." Darcy said to his friend.

"Well she hates you. Maybe that's the reason?" Mr. Bingley spun around in his chair. Around and around and around.

"But she seems to know nothing! She believes in strange things and has pretty much zero social status." Darcy said.

Bingley rolled his eyes, though Darcy couldn't quite tell, due to the spinning around and around and around.

"Then why do you even bother talking to her?"

"Because I'm a civilized human being?"

"Sure…" Bingley spun around faster and faster.

"What do you mean?" Darcy asked, but Bingley was spinning too fast to answer. Darcy left before Bingley could ask him to stop the chair, Darcy didn't feel like getting hit by a spinning office chair [because sadly, despite the little awesomeness Darcy had, he lacked awesome ninja skills]. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Bingley said, "Darcy, could you stop the chair please? Darcy? Darcy?"


	6. Computery stuffs and The Oil Spill

**Computer-y stuffs and **_**The **_**Oil Spill**

**Author's Note: **This was written in 2010-2011. But the history in this story is slightly different than ours, so the oil spill wasn't exactly the same.

Elizabeth was happy that Darcy had let her keep her office, even if he had been rude about it. Her office had a patio garden which led into the woods. Most of the other people were lucky to have windows!

Wow, another meeting on the stupid oil spill in the gulf, Elizabeth thought as she scrolled through her messages. The people shouldn't have started drilling in the first place, she _had_ sent them a paper and diagram on the dangers of drilling. Hm, Atlantis was having difficulties due to the oil spill [for those of you wondering if Atlantis could possible relate to the floating island thingy that sunk, you'll just have to wait until it's explained. Do keep in mind that this is an alternate almost parallel dimension, so some of their history differs from ours.]

Elizabeth arrived at the meeting room right before the room went into lock-down mode [to prevent anyone from entering or leaving, it's used to encourage punctuality]. Sadly, Mr. Darcy was also there.  
>"As you all know, this meeting concerns the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It has caused problems for ships and submarines, and completely messed up the ecosystem." The man at the head of the table said.<p>

"Excuse me, but how does this affect us?" a man asked. "Shouldn't this be something for the EPI, other federal environment agencies, or maybe even the US Navy?"

"The spill affects us because it causes problems for our data collecting devices." The man said. "And Ms. Bennet, please refrain from saying I told you so. Next time I will make sure your thoughts are taken more seriously." The Man At The Head Of The Table was a bit nicer, or at least more open-minded than the old Man At The Head Of The Table [Man At The Head Of The Table is not an official position, the Men At The Head Of The Table consists of high-ranking agents who alternate sitting at the head of the table].

The lady at the head of the table opened a file, "Ms. Bennet, I'm sure you know about the effect the oil is having on the ecosystem. Would you kindly explain?" Elizabeth inwardly groaned, she didn't have anything, oh well, she'd have to make her presentation on the spot. She opened one of the random laptops scattered across the place [the CIA randomly scatters laptops, for emergencies, people who need a computer right then, right now and can't wait to go to the nearest lab or their office, and for situations like this. Please remember the disclaimers still apply, even here.] She wirelessly connected the laptop to the projector, searching through files and talking.

"The oil is sticking to the feathers of the sea-birds, which makes them unable to fly." Good thing there are so many pictures of oil covered birds on the web. "Birds will also get hypothermia because their feathers are no longer insulating them. Birds may also drown. Seal pups are also vulnerable to hypothermia because of lack of blubber. The oil also reduces seals' sense of smell, which causes mothers to reject and abandon their pups. Seals may drown and/or become more vulnerable to predators if the oil causes their flippers to stick to their bodies. Any oil ingested can cause severe problems to marine animals' digestive systems. All of this creates problems for the ecosystem and the fishing industries." Elizabeth copied and pasted a picture of the oil spill and two arrows with the word "PROBLEM" on them, which she arranged to point at a picture of a food chain and a fish market.

"Thank you. Now Ms. Lawson? The economy notes?"

"The gas prices are going up, due to this sudden loss of millions of gallons of oil. The stock market appears to be only slightly affected by the spill. The price of seafood has gone up 35% and many fishing families have zero income. At least of 70% of Louisiana's fishing industry has been decimated."

"Okay, and the surveillance units. We lost about 50% of our surveillance units near the coast and one prototype. We've retrieved 39% of our surveillance units. So far, 0% have been discovered." Darcy was impatient, "But why are we here?"

"We have a submarine network and the main server is somewhere in the middle of the spill. We HAVE to retrieve it. We suspect some of the wires have broken, which may cause a fire. We'll need to create backup of all the data and remotely access the script."

"You should have made a backup in the first place."

"It's BECAUSE the wires broke, that's why it hasn't been sending us data." Elizabeth said.

"Right. So anyways, we're starting planning this week, retrieve it next week, and we'll have a follow-up meeting after. Dismissed." The lady at the head of the table waved her hand, in a dismissing motion [duh!].

Elizabeth had been dragged to another party, at the Lucas house. At least she had the wifi password [though she could probably hack it if she didn't]. She had been surfing the web, randomly counter-hacking sites, when Charlotte's dad said something. "What?" she said, looking up, and accidentally pressed a key that caused the entire United States to go bankrupt. Oops. "Elizabeth, why don't you dance? You could dance with …let me see…Mr. Darcy."

"No thank you." Elizabeth said, returning to her laptop to fix her mistake. She'd have to send a report, or else the government would freak, to say the least.

WARNING: [Just be glad this isn't another disclaimer] The below section contains somewhat complicated computer related terms. It may not be accurate, because the author is not a computer programmer, so pretty much has no idea about any of the computer related things below. Also, the only book the author found that was somewhat related to the below computer thingies was literally not written in English. [EDIT: The author has done some research, and thinks the below is mostly accurate.]

Darcy scrolled through the code once more. Why the heck is this thing so hard to crack? Across the room, Elizabeth was annoyed. For some random reason, she had to work with Darcy on a simulation mission, and he was taking forever on the code. [Yep, for some strange reason, people always get stuck with people they hate. It must be a world wide conspiracy.] Oh what the heck, she thought, and stole the file from his computer. Even though she wasn't supposed to. But she had to, because she was starving and wanted to go eat lunch. She decompiled the code with one of the many programs she and Charlotte had written and scrolled through it. It was a fractal compression of an image. Simple. Easier to decode than to write.

Agent Charlotte – 13:47:69

_R u coming 2 lunch?_

Agent Lydia – 13:49:38

_I wish _

_Darcy's taking 4evr_

_It b fractal compression of img_

Agent Charlotte – 13:50:34

_Then y don't u just tell him_

Agent Elizabeth – 13:51:75

_How?_

Agent Charlotte – 13:53:83

_e-mail him: _

Agent Elizabeth – 13:55:29

_Kk_

From: .gov

To: .gov

Subject: Code

IT'S A FRACTAL COMPRESSION OF AN IMAGE! NOW HURRY UP! [angry emoticon ]

Elizabeth clicked send and watched Darcy take out his phone. Darcy opened his mail app and opened the message. Now that she mentioned it, the code did look like fractal code. But in his defense, he had been thinking inside the box and had thought it was another text file. Elizabeth watched as he slowly typed in some stuff. Finally, a window popped up on her screen.

Mission accomplished.

Continue on:

Y/N

Elizabeth pressed the N key and almost ran out of the room. It was 14:00, WAY past lunchtime. This was going to go against Darcy. [So now the score is Bingley: 2 Darcy: -1]

For some reason, Bingley's sister, Rhi'anna, had been emailing, IMing, and texting Darcy, a LOT. Not that he was complaining or anything, he had far more important things to do than to spend his time complaining.

Agent Rhi'anna

Hello

Agent Fitzwilliam

Hello

Agent Rhi'anna

How r u?

Agent Fitzwilliam

I'm fine. How are you?

Agent Rhi'anna

Could b betr, but whatevs

Watsup?

Agent Fitzwilliam

I'm working on a code transmitted from Peru.

Agent Rhi'anna

Thats lovly

Meet n e new peeps?

Agent Fitzwilliam

Elizabeth Bennet, the daughter of Mr. Bennet, is really smart. She's also a wildlife expert. I believe she has an IQ of at least 15o.

Agent Rhi'anna

Thats nice

Well cya

Agent Fitzwilliam

Goodbye.

Mr. Bingley's family and his own family were pretty much the only people Darcy ever talked to for more than a few seconds on his own will. He put his cell phone away and went down the hall to his temporary cubicle. It was really cramped in there, partially because of the huge stacks of paper everywhere. He couldn't wait to move out of this place. Maybe I shouldn't have been so rash and refused Lizzy's office. Lizzy? What? Elizabeth. I shouldn't have refused Elizabeth's office. I shouldn't have refused Elizabeth's office. He repeated this to himself until he had almost convinced himself that he had not thought Lizzy, but had thought Elizabeth instead. I shouldn't have refused Elizabeth's office. Then he turned on his laptop. He stared at the code on his screen and scrolled through it. A full hour later, he had only made a little progress (almost one word, to be exact). He found himself clicking the mail application and composing a letter to Elizabeth. Wait what? What the heck am I doing? He though. His cursor moved over to the send button…then he realised he hadn't put anything in the "To:" box. He dragged the message towards the trash bin and dropped it. Then, while he still could, he deleted Elizabeth's e-mail, so it wouldn't be possible for him to e-mail her. Ever (okay, not ever, he could hack his account, but you get the point).

Half an hour later, he still hadn't made any progress. Darcy closed the file and checked his mail. He had almost been secretly hoping Elizabeth had sent him another e-mail. Almost. Then he dug the e-mail he had written to her out of the trash and moved it to the drafts folder. After that, Darcy promised himself to never send it. Liz- Elizabeth Bennet was messing with his emotions. Majorly. No, it wasn't Elizabeth, he just needed a break. Too much stress and lack of sleep. He went to the Internet café.


	7. Yeah, blame Lizzie I mean Elizabeth

**Yeah, blame Lizzie- I mean Elizabeth**

**Author's Note: **There's a bunch of alternate scenes to the chapters, the scenes will be placed in "E&E&E Alternate Scenes". Note that the alternate scenes may be rated up to M. The author rewrote some scenes that were too awkward, too out of context, too messed up, or completely useless.

Elizabeth was stuck at home. Her mother had insisted they all go home together for at least one night a month. But Jane had gotten an invitation from the Bingleys and got to go to their house. Not fair. Actually, she rethought, I wouldn't want to go to the Bingleys, never mind. For some reason, Mrs. Bennet had insisted that Jane was to take the motorcycle, even though she knew it was going to rain. A few minutes after Jane had left, it had started to rain. Elizabeth was a little worried, Jane had been sick a little while ago, and she hadn't fully recovered, the rain might make her sick again. Her mother's voice broke her thoughts, Mrs. Bennet yelled at her to come down to play some strategic planning game with the rest of the family.

Just as Elizabeth had thought, Jane was sick. Really really sick. So she had to stay at the Bingleys. Everybody else was extremely busy, so Elizabeth was the only one who went to visit Jane the next day. Her mother had taken the helicopter, her dad had taken the jet, Mary was working on the plane engine, the car was at the repair shop (well the CIA lab, but same thing), the motorcycle was at the Bingleys, and she didn't want to pollute by driving the normal car they had, (Elizabeth hadn't gotten around to converting its energy source yet) so she decided to walk. A few miles later, a rude person driving by purposely splashed mud on her. Now instead of small specks of mud, Elizabeth was nearly drenched in mud.

Jane was optimistic as usual, despite the fact she was so sick she wasn't allowed out of bed.

"Mother should have let you take the car." Elizabeth said, placing a CD on Jane's bed.

"Oh! You brought my favourite CD, thanks. Could you put it in the CD player please? And I'm fine here. (cough cough) Charles has been wonderful."

"Charles?" Elizabeth asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with first names? Or maybe even nicknames? _Lizzy_?"

"Nicknames?" Elizabeth asked.

"Oh you shush. You should get changed. The mud clashes with your clothes."

"Okay." Elizabeth left the room as Jane broke into a fit of violent coughs and sneezes.

"Don't worry about her. She's fine here." Mr. Bingley said.

"I won't." Elizabeth said. (Mr. Bingley gets a point for looking after Jane instead of hiring some doctor, but gets one point deducted because he didn't bother to call a doctor. Paradox. The author knows.)

Jane insisted that Elizabeth was to stay for the night, and Elizabeth only agreed because she didn't feel like walking back through all that mud (for some strange reason, the CIA couldn't spare ANY transportation vehicles that day). Darcy was there too, and Elizabeth had to avoid him throughout the day. And he kept on appearing so many times, Elizabeth wondered if perhaps Darcy was stalking her, but for what reason? She dismissed the thought.

By the end of the day, she had changed a few dozen bulbs to CFLs and rewired the entire tech room to save energy. She was tired, and couldn't think of a way to skip dinner without killing herself, so she was forced to eat dinner with the Bingleys and Darcy.

Darcy had spent the day arguing with himself and trying to crack the code from Peru. He had made pretty much zero progress on both issues. The first was interfering with the latter, and arguing with himself wasn't working out well (obviously, arguing with yourself never works out). He had found himself following Elizabeth around, and she seemed intent on avoiding him. She must be convinced I'm a stalker by now, he thought. He locked himself in the tech room after she had finished rewiring it, more to keep himself in than to keep others out.

Mrs. Bennet and her other daughters visited the next day. However, she had left Elizabeth there because she claimed there was no room in the helicopter, which was true, but still. Jane was cheerful, Elizabeth couldn't tell if it was because she was just so optimistic, or because of a certain man who's name started with the letter C.

A few days later, Jane had fully recovered. Elizabeth had half a mind to take a pencil and stab Darcy, he was that infuriating. For some reason, Elizabeth's mother wanted them to stay even longer. Elizabeth finally got really annoyed, she had work to do. Field work that couldn't be done here. She borrowed the Bingley's hybrid car and managed to persuade Jane to leave. Funnily, the car was actually one of Elizabeth's designs, so she was already familiar with all its functions and managed to use less gas than the Bingleys usually used.


	8. Another long name that won't fit

**Walking in the rain. Wait no, riding a motorcycle in the rain and getting sick. Same thing [sort of, not really, just get on with it!]**

**Author's Note: **Eep. There's a spider walking on the wall. Except I just took a picture of it and forgot to turn off the flash, I hope I didn't blind it. Poor spider. If you're randomly curious, see my dA for the spider picture.

For some reason, Darcy and the Bingley sisters were here now. Just when she thought she wouldn't be seeing them for at least a week, they had come to her house now. At least they weren't living here, but she didn't really see any difference, they were here almost 24/7. She disliked all of them, but her mother would give her a lecture on being a good host if she didn't go downstairs.

"Just wondering, since you aren't lucky enough to have great fortune like us, how do you manage with so many children?" Lily asked.

"I manage quite well. Thank you." Mrs. Bennet replied.

"I've heard that Mr. Collins will be taking over your husband's position."

"You've heard the rumours then? Elizabeth, could you get the guests some refreshments?" Mrs. Bennet neither denied nor confirmed the rumour.

Elizabeth looked through the cabinet for some food. There was nothing, as usual. She went into her mother's room and looked through Mrs. Bennet's handbag. There seemed to be everything in there. Yep, there was a package of crackers, some cheese, and some tea bags and tea leaves. Elizaeth stole some of the tea leaves for herself and made the guests' tea with the tea bags. The tea bags were horrible, and Elizabeth knew it. She sliced the cheese and hastily arranged it all on a platter for the guests.

"You should hire a servant." Rhi'anna said.

"Rhi'anna! Be nice to the less fortunate." Lily pretended to scold, "Though I do suppose that your lack of wealth makes it hard for your children to find husbands."

"Oh look, the refreshments are here." Mrs. Bennet changed the subject. Elizabeth set down the food and curled up on an armchair. Darcy, of course, had taken her favourite chair.

"Mr. Darcy, you are quite rich and also handsome, do you not have any marriage plans?" Mrs. Bennet asked.

"No. I do not." Darcy replied stiffly.

"May I inquire why?" Mrs. Bennet asked.

"Because I haven't found what I'm looking for yet. I believe my wife must be absolutely perfect. Beautiful, smart, rich, kind, certified hacker, at least my level of security clearance, and with mad ninja skills. She must have absolutely no fault at all."

Elizabeth laughed. "Throughout my entire life, I haven't even _heard_ of a woman like that. Come to think of it, I haven't met a man like that either. Well except in bad fiction books. I believe they're called Gary and Mary Sues."

"Hmph. Such a woman would not bother trying to make acquaintances with someone like you." Darcy muttered, he didn't mean to say it as an insult, it just came out like that (he meant people like that wouldn't bother to make acquaintances with Elizabeth, because that was just how life worked, and they would clash anyways).

"Excusez moi?" Elizabeth was offended once more. (Bingley: 3 Darcy -2) Darcy could have hit himself for that. Okay. I'll talk about work, he thought to himself, much safer.

"So why does the CIA need someone like you? I don't see the point of it, complete waste of money. I mean there's plenty of volunteer environment organisations all over. Oh, must be your dad has just enough connections to keep you employed. Maybe even pity, you need the money." Woah, that came out completely wrong. He cringed. He could have kicked and smacked himself for that. Originally, it was supposed to be a compliment on how Elizabeth managed to find work so easily.

"Animal surveillance widely." Then Elizabeth excused herself. (Darcy was not in Lizzy's good books, trailing by 6 points at -3.)

Darcy was so annoyed with himself. He couldn't carry on a conversation for more than a few seconds without offending someone. He was sure he had at least slightly offended the Bennets. Heck, he probably offended Li- Elizabeth by living now. He told himself to be quiet and to try not to talk at all, and avoid Elizabeth. The code transmitted from Peru was driving him absolutely crazy, and he was breaking his record for all-nighters. The cubicle was now filled with coffee cups, and the place smelled like coffee. The neighbours weren't complaining, since hey, pretty much everyone ends up living on caffeine for a few weeks when they work for the government. Maybe I could ask Elizabeth about this? He thought, nope I'll manage fine…plus she doesn't even work in this field. She does animal training or something. After another three all-nighters, Darcy gave in. (Even Darcy has a breaking point.) He went to the lab for assistance.

The computer expert only vaguely understood cryptanalysis (hey, he was a CIA computer expert. CIA doesn't do a lot of cryptanalysis, that's the NSA's job), so he led Darcy to The Shelf. The Shelf was a wall to wall CD/DVD shelf that had one of those rolling ladder thingies. It was impressive, to say the least. Darcy was given a stack of code-breaking applications and tutroials and computer cryptanalysis discs.

"Let's see…Elizabeth wrote most of these, you'll have to ask her for how these work." The man said, reading the cover of the disc and then throwing it down at Darcy.

"She wrote all of these?" Darcy was amazed. "I thought she does wildlife." The man threw down a few more discs and then climbed down. "She does. These were written as an attempt to understand dolphin clicks. She's still working on it." Darcy turned to leave, then paused, "Wait, Elizabeth Bennet?" The man rolled his eyes, "Obviously, the one who works with wildlife, who else?"

Darcy went off to find Elizabeth. She was in her patio garden, watering the plants and attaching mini-cameras to them. Darcy entered the garden, Elizabeth suddenly turned, crashed into Darcy, and the camera in her hand fell and shattered.

"This was a prototype." Elizabeth said, getting up. "There are no others, I made this in the lab on a whim, so I don't even have a diagram on it." This cold voice was much worse than yelling. Darcy cringed.

"So why are you here?" Elizabeth asked, picking up the shards of glass and plastic.

"I came here to ask for assistance on your cryptanalysis discs."

"Seriously? You're too proud to say 'I need help?'" Elizabeth sorted through the glass and plastic. "Assistance? As if you're doing me a favour?" She dumped the pieces into the appropriate recycling bins and sighed. "Okay, whatever, I'll have to go through the surveillance tapes later."

Darcy stood there, unsure of what to do.

"Well? Move!" Elizabeth said.

The cubicle could barely hold one person, so Darcy and Elizabeth were closer to each other than Elizabeth was comfortable with, though Darcy didn't seem to mind. The second Elizabeth saw all the coffee cups, she started gathering them up. "Ever heard of this thing called a compost bin? What about the word reusable?" she asked, throwing the cups into the compost bin. Darcy picked up a random disc and inserted it into his computer. Elizabeth shook her head and ejected it.

"This one goes in first." She said, as if talking to a five year old. ""Okay. So where's your file?" Darcy opened the file. For some reason, he had a sudden urge to touch her hair (gasp! Romance! JK,). "Now…" Elizabeth continued to explain to him her discs. Finally, Darcy started to understand how to use her software. Elizabeth flipped through a stack of papers. "Five inches of space at the bottom? One sided?" she asked, "Don't you have a scanner? Or a printer that prints double-sidedly?" Darcy snatched the papers away from her. "You are here to assist me on your discs. You are not here to rifle through my personal belongings." Elizabeth was really annoyed, she knew for a fact hose were not "personal belongings", they were meeting minutes and HER report on submarine cameras. The sticky note on top said so, otherwise, she wouldn't have looked through the papers. At the end, in a way, Darcy did get to touch Elizabeth's hair; Elizabeth turned on her heel and Darcy got whipped in the face with her hair. Ouch.


	9. Freaky Stalker People

**Freaky Stalker People [who are trying to invade Elizabeth's life]…aka the Bingley sisters and Darcy**

**Author's Note: **Don't ask the author to tell you which sister is which. The author has no clue either.

Elizabeth was at home, she had to test some things that required a house. The Bingleys and Darcy were still visiting constantly, partially on business matters and partially for social reasons. Elizabeth let the dog play in the mud puddles, she was testing the durability of the mini surveillance unit built into the dog's collar. So far, she was still getting feeds. Her mother was talking with the guests so much, it was almost embarrassing, and the Bingleys and Darcy were offending her and the rest of the family, so it was simply a nightmare. Lydia was training for Social Interactions/Human Resources, and was also "entertaining" the guests. Elizabeth wasn't sure exactly what she wanted a degree in, but she knew it would be something to do with wildlife and intelligence (duh!).

Mrs. Bennet had organised another party, and Elizabeth was once again forced to attend. She had brought a falcon and an owl from the falconry home for some field testing, so if the party was as bad as she predicted it would be, she'd have something to do. Elizabeth wasn't a workaholic, but it the only excuse that worked for her mother. Darcy arrived in a limousine, but who knew why he even bothered to come in the first place? (Be quiet! We all know the answer, but Elizabeth doesn't.) The Bingleys arrived with him. Rhi'anna was irritating and Lily was rudely talking about the Bennet's lack of wealth.

"Perhaps I shall read for a bit." Rhi'anna said randomly, randomly taking a book off the shelf. She began reading aloud in a droning voice. "R to the power of seven divided by three squared times pi times the quantity phi plus t squared…don't you just love codes and math and computer script? When I get married, I do hope to have a library of books on computer scripts and codes. Maybe I should switch fields of work." Wow, what a faker! Elizabeth thought. "But I love all books, since they're _so_ interesting." She placed the book back upside down, and wandered across the room. Elizabeth reshelfed the book correctly, then ate some chocolate to prevent herself from strangling pretty much everyone in the room.

Darcy was trying to hack into the Bennet's wifi to do his work. The Bennets had five passwords and fifty restrictions. Healthily paranoid. He had managed to get one of the passwords, but it only enabled him to access an online dictionary, completely useless. He continued hacking while everyone else around him partied. Elizabeth and Rhi'anna went by, loudly discussing what was the best way to tease/embarrass/etc. Darcy. Darcy looked up.

"What do you think Darcy's fatal flaw is?" Elizabeth asked.

"He-" Rhi'anna was interrupted by Darcy.

"I don't have any." Wait, that sounded too conceited. "Well except maybe one thing. I find it impossible to forgive."

"Wow. I can list a bunch more, but I wonder how you're still alive with so many fatal flaws. But the reason I bothered to ask was which one you thought was his major fatal flaw." Rhi'anna sat down next to Darcy and Darcy could've sworn she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Well I'm sure he doesn't have that many." Elizabeth went outside to work with the falcon. Many of the guests also drifted outside and Mr. Bennet turned on the solar powered lights outside. Darcy took his laptop outside and Miss Bingley followed. A group of people had gathered to watch Elizabeth, much to her annoyance. The camera's vantage point was the falcon's stomach, but the falcon was extraordinarily fast, and the camera would malfunction or a wire would snap. Darcy started watching her too. Miss Bingley started prattling on about how she had a canary. Darcy had half a mind to shush her, but was mesmerised by Elizabeth's pure awesomeness at falconry. It was simple, yet complicated, the falcon performed hairpin twists, turns, and dives perfectly while Elizabeth blew her whistle. The whistle could be barely heard by (the aided) human ear, which just made it all the more amazing. Darcy was awestruck by how Elizabeth and the falcon seemed to share a mind, the falcon performed perfectly without treats or excessive praising. Finally, Elizabeth summoned the falcon, and the falcon landed on her shoulder, her talons sinking into the leather padding (The falcon's talons, not Elizabeth's obviously). Elizabeth retrieved the camera and set the falcon loose. The falcon flew around, landing in front of the guests, and curiously pecking at some of the food. Elizabeth flipped open her laptop, and sat down across from Darcy (Darcy had offended quite a few of the guests, so he was the only person at the table. All the other tables were at the very least, full. Some people had pulled extra chairs and squeezed in, to make it more than full, to the point where personal space was at negative infinity. And you know how it is, everyone always gets stuck with the people they hate.)

At one point, the colour had been lost, and it became black and white, and then the sound had been lost, though it was mostly just the wind shrieking. Charlotte sat down next to her.

"You were awesome!" she exclaimed, "Pure awesomeness." Charlotte flipped open her laptop too. Elizabeth smiled, "Thanks. But the camera completely failed at the end, the wireless transmitter box split open and the wires snapped." Charlotte nodded. "So we'll have to try something else, maybe a solid block of wood? Hollowed out in the correct spots?" She opened an application she had written called SpeSimu:N (Speed Simulator: Night, pronounced "specimen") and changed the setting to owl speed and height. "So where's Hoot?" Elizabeth motioned vaguely toward the greenhouse. "He's still sleeping, and I don't feel like bringing him out." Charlotte shrugged. "Okay, but I need you to do some of the field testing soon." Mr. Bingley came over with a plate of food. "Wow. Workaholic central. What is this? An employee of the month contest or something? Hey Darce, just FYI, you'd be disqualified anyways, you don't work for the CIA." He said, looking over Darcy's shoulder. "Oh and Lizsters, you were epic with the falcon."

"Mmhm." Elizabeth mumbled, staring at the Security Preferences on her screen. INTRUDER ALERT! ACCESS DENIED 21 TIMES. She added another password secretly, just to annoy Darcy. And it had to be Darcy right? He was typing away furiously at his keyboard. Bingley raised an eyebrow, "Darcy, you should know better than to hack people's wifi. Doesn't the NSA worldwide wifi reach here?" Elizabeth pretended to be shocked. "He hacked our wifi? Should I freak out? Gasp! The CIA's going to send us a certificate for having the most work done through one wifi network." Bingley replied seriously, "No way! We're totally going to win that! Fitz uses our wifi around the clock, we might have to upgrade."


	10. Rhi'anna shows off

**In which Rhi'anna ****embarrasses herself**** shows off by trying to read math equations out loud**

**Author's Note: **The author is pretty sure Rhi'anna is the unmarried one, though not one hundred percent sure.

Elizabeth flipped through a stack of papers on her desk, then scanned them onto her computer. She ran the surveillance tape on her computer one more time, to make sure she had used a silver wire and not a copper wire. Rummaging through her drawers, she found some bits and pieces that she could use to rebuild her mini-camera, including a cheap cell phone.

Darcy was consumed in his work (as usual). If he didn't crack this code soon, the entire US (50 states plus Washington D.C. and Guam and the Virgin Islands and etc. etc.) could be destroyed. Elizabeth's software was basic, but it seemed to be working. Darcy thought the code was most likely written in Spanish and was about a web of bombs spread across North America. A window popped up on his screen:

Español invalid. Latin word pattern detected.

Hm, okay, it wasn't Spanish, most likely Latin. He typed in a few words and reran the program. Then he opened his e-mail application, attached two files, and typed:

To: Director XYZ .

Cc: Sub-Director UVW .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: cc

I have finished decrypting the code. The cleartext file is labeled A and the cyphertext file is labeled B. Please send me some decoding software as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Fitzwilliam Darcy of the NSA

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Everything's possible. The impossible just takes longer.

He clicked Send and watched the little loading circle spin twice before the message was officially sent. Darcy stepped out of his office, extremely pleased with himself.

Elizabeth was overloaded with work, the submarine server rescue mission, the poaching in Florida, the falcon camera, the mini-camera, and the owl field testing Charlotte was nagging her about. She sat down in the crowded Internet café and ordered coffee, black. Elizabeth yawned. Multi-tasking was overloading the computer circuits, and her laptop crashed. She rebooted her computer and took out a second laptop.

Darcy and Bingley walked into the Internet café, Bingley talking five wps (words per second). Bingley sat down next to Elizabeth, "You look terrible, almost worse than Darcy on a good day." Elizabeth cracked a smile, "Too much work." Charlotte walked over to their table. "Oh my gosh! YOU NEED SLEEP! Forget about the field testing. Get some sleep. Now." Darcy wondered what the huge fuss was about, "How long have you been awake? Seventy-two hours?"

"About." Elizabeth replied.

"That's not too bad…" Darcy muttered. Bingley rolled his eyes, "DUH! For you." Darcy was about to protest, but Bingley cut him off. "Ladies need their beauty sleep. I know two people who don't need beauty sleep. Jane, because she's pretty no matter what, and you, since you're ugly no matter what." Darcy harrumphed.

"Okay, but I need to attend this e-conference right now." Elizabeth said, poking her screen. Charlotte sat down and pulled one of Elizabeth's laptop toward her. "Me too." She typed in the password to the network. Bingley wandered out of the café to find Jane. Darcy stayed, because he was a workaholic. Plus the café had good éclairs.

The e-conference ended, and Elizabeth shut her laptop. Darcy scrolled through his inbox and opened one of the (somewhat annoying) CIA update e-mails. "What's Atlantis? Don't tell me it's real. The advanced civilization on a floating island actually existed? And Laputia too?" Elizabeth yawned again, "Atlantis is submarine. Laputia is airship." She shut her laptop. "Char, take them back to my office later." Then Elizabeth went to her office to catch some "beauty sleep".

Darcy looked at his assignment page once more.

Name: Fitzwilliam Darcy

Alias(es): Darce, Will, William, Fitz, Fitzel, Agent Darcy, Agent Fitzwilliam, The-Guy-Who-Never-Sleeps

Relations/Family/Friends: Mrs. Darcy(Deceased), Mr. Darcy(Deceased), Catherine de Bourough, Miss Bourough, Miss Darcy, Mr. Bingley

Assignment: Learn the importance of top secret government information and lie-detecting, emotion reading, motives, surveillance, and moles.

Field Notes: N/A

Elizabeth felt much better after sleeping for four hours. She picked up one of her laptops and scrolled through the surveillance tape thumbnails. There were some smugglers near the Canadian border, some illegal immigrants near the Mexican border (funnily enough, they seemed to be Americans headed to Mexico), but nothing really important. She reread her notes on oil spills and submarine cameras. This reminded her of her mini-camera; she took it out of the drawer and put some batteries in. Then she attached it to one of her plants on the patio garden. Now for the rescue mission. How could anything or anyone possibly get close enough without getting oil-fied? Also, what if the wifi went crazy and made top secret government info available to your everyday hacker (and send out a wave of wifi that will react with a certain totem pole in Yckanguara to cause an explosion so big, it would completely destroy the world)? What about the fire risk? This was getting complicated. On top of that, five dead panthers were found in Florida, they were all shot and skinned. Maybe a dolphin could get the server? She'd have to do some testing on that.

Bingley was happily typing away at his laptop, IMing Jane while figuring out which politicians were corrupt. Darcy entered the room with a stack papers, "Did they send the discs yet?" This was the four hundred and seventy second time he had asked that, but Bingley was still patient and not the least bit cranky. "Nope. I'll tell you when it gets here. Do you have the files?" Darcy placed the stack on his desk. "Yes. They're right here-"

Bingley interrupted him, "YESSS! I beat my Tetris high score!" Darcy glanced at the screen, 100 394 384, psh, Darcy had gotten that in high school. "Anyways, read the files, and then try to classify them." Darcy sat down and opened the first file, Egypt's Atomic Bomb (AD 800). BOR-ING!

Elizabeth dove into the tank. Kalo the dolphin playfully splashed her, completely unaware of the task he was about to be given. A box with the exactly same appearance, size and weight as the submarine server was semi-floating in the water. Elizabeth showed Kalo a picture of the computer and made the motion "retrieve". He swam off and pushed the box toward her. Good. But the actual gulf would be filled with oil and debris, not to mention a lot of decaying organic matter. Simulated debris would have to be added to the field. Elizabeth carefully threw a lot of rubbish into the tank. She showed Kalo a picture of wires and made the motion "NO!". Then she showed the picture of the computer and made the "retrieve" motion again. Kalo swam after the computer, but got stuck in some trash. Elizabeth carefully disentangled Kalo and repeated the showing of pictures and motions. After five times, Kalo had succeeded, and Elizabeth decided to give him some fish, a biodegradable rubber ducky, and a break.

Darcy got a 97% on his classifying, which was not good enough, the CIA required at least 110%. He had also received an e-mail from his sister.

To: Fitz .gov

From: Georgiana Darcy .gov

Subject: Hi-hi!

Hi! You haven't emailed me in a long time!:3 [don't tell me, you have work (rolls eyes)]. You don't even care about me anymore [JK] How's the CIA? Don't tell me you've been a snob to them all.

Next week is Veronyka's birthday, (in case you forgot, she's turning three [and if you have extremely terrible memory and you're wondering who the heck is Veronyka: she's my daughter]) you better be there on Friday. OR ELSE!

Love,

Giana

P.S. Veronyka says "hi-hi fitz" to you

.~`~.~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~.

Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Darcy looked at his calendar (more accurately, peered through a small space between stacks of paper, saw a blank date, shrugged and convinced himself that was Friday) good, he didn't have any meetings on Friday. He clicked the Reply button:

To: Giana .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: Re: Hi-hi!

Dear Giana,

I'm sincerely sorry that I have been unable to contact you lately. The CIA operates much more loosely, only about 10.285% of the are workaholics.

What do you think Veronyka would like for her birthday? Should I invite Charles too?

Sincerely,

Fitzwilliam Darcy of the NSA

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Everything's possible. The impossible just takes longer.

Darcy got an email a second after he clicked Send, from the CIA Updates:

To: Agent Fitzwilliam fitz,; Other Classified People xxx…

From: CIA News

Places:

Atalantis has floated toward Australia, away from the oil spill.

Laputia has neared the Ring of Fire's edge.

People N/A

Things: Plant Mini-Cams have been delayed due to accident.

Ideas: Retrieval Plan meeting is next week Tuesday.

Seminars/Meetings/Demonstrations/Operations/etc.:

Agent Elizabeth will be doing a dolphin and aviary demonstration for children on Friday. Space is limited.

_Ping! _Another e-mail:

To: Fitz .gov

From: Georgiana Darcy .gov

Subject: Re: Re: Hi-hi!

Sure, Char can come too. (But seriously, don't invite his sisters, or else I'll personally kill you.)

Silly Veronyka, she wants a unicorn for her birthday. I told her it's extremely hard to find a unicorn, she said "fine, me want dolphy [dolphin]". I don't see how either of them is possible, but whatevs.

Veronyka can almost play F¨r Elise on the piano now. I'm going to get her some Tchaikovsky and Mozart soon. Maybe a violin for her birthday? IDK…

Turn on your IM!

Love,

Giana

.~`~.~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~

Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Darcy changed his status to Available, but only to Georgiana, he was still Invisible to the rest of the cyberworld.

Giana: hiya!

Fitzwilliam_darcy: Hello

Giana: I no! ill get her a $200 music store gift card, & she can get whatev.

Fitzwilliam_darcy: I might be able to arrange something with the dolphins…

Yeah, sure, no chance Elizabeth's going to cancel for _him_. But he had to at least try.

GIana: Oh, you can buy a dolphin? Even if you could, no way could I hav time to take care of it.

Darcy knocked on Elizabeth's door. "Enter" Elizabeth said, then glanced at the feed coming from the camera right outside the door, "or not."she muttered. Darcy stepped into her office.

"Erm. I have a request. On Friday…"

"I have a full-day Employee's Kid's event."

"Any chance of cancelling?"

"For what?"

"I have a niece…she's three…"

"I'm not cancelling for YOU! Or any of your relations."

"But it's her birthday!"

"SO?"

"I'll pay you…"

"NO WAY!"

"Fine. What else do you want?"

"Nothing. Just get out of my office." She growled. "NOW."

Elizabeth turned back to her mini-camera. She managed to solder the last pieces together and then set it down. Sighing, she picked up her phone. Darcy was annoying , but she shouldn't have channeled her frustration on the mini-camera to his niece. Plus, being related to Darcy didn't automatically mean you were horrible.

To:: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

From: Elizabeth Bennet .gov

Subject [No Subject]

Okay, here's a compromise, send me your niece's info, and I can sneak her onto the list.

But you'll have to bring her, 'cause it's a CIA only event.

Elizabeth clicked Send. The message whirled through cyber space and into Darcy's inbox. A window popped up:

1 unread message.

To: Liz .gov

From: Isable Bennet .gov

Subject: Party

You are coming no matter what!

When: Next Tuesday

Where: Our house

Ciao

Elizabeth glanced at her calendar, she had her Armadillo on Pogosticks meeting, her WPO meeting, the Employee's Kids' thingy, the Submarine Server Retrieving meetings, and now this. Craziness.

Fitzwilliam_darcy: I might be able to take Veronyka to a CIA employees' kid thing on Friday. It has dolphins and other animals.

Giana: ok…

Fitzwilliam_darcy: But it's employees only, so you can't go.

Giana: Ok. Ill move her party 2 thurs, That's her real bday anways, gtg, cyas

Darcy shut his phone. Maybe…Elizabeth might let him take Veronyka to the EK thing. He glanced at his inbox:

5 unread messages.

One of them was from Elizabeth. He opened it. Then he opened all the other messages from Rhi'anna Bingley. She was rambling on some crazy stuff about chocolate and potatoes and coconuts and stuffed frogs and teddy bears. He marked the messages as Spam. Then he clicked the reply button to Elizabeth's message.

To: Elizabeth Bennet .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: Re:

That would be great.

Darcy clicked Send. Then he marked his calendar…well he tried to, there was a ridiculous amount of paper in front of him. He decided it was time for…a scanner. (dun dun dunnnn) He got a portable SmartScanner from the supplies and scanned his papers. He inwardly laughed at how Georgiana had said maybe she could get Veronyka a two hundred dollar gift card, as if it was just a trip to the dollar store. If they weren't so rich, Darcy would not have allowed Georgiana to keep Veronyka. Georgiana was only 20 years old now. But they were rich, and Veronyka wasn't hindering Giana's studies (Actually, Veronyka may be helping Georgiana improve), so Darcy had grudgingly agreed. (It was Darcy, nobody else would have been able to resist such a cute little girl.) Finally, he finished scanning the ridiculously huge stack of papers and then threw them into the paper shredder. Then he looked all over for a pen to mark his calendar.


	11. In which we find out some stuff

**In which we find out about Georgiana's [wait can't give too much information away] and that NSA directors are code-named three consecutive letters of the alphabet, no doubt because they are far to busy to actually remember the alphabet, so they add it to their names for easy access**

**Author's Notes: **The Darcy's signature quote is from Digital Fortress [which I would rate M].

Elizabeth flipped through a stack of papers on her desk, then scanned them onto her computer. She ran the surveillance tape on her computer one more time, to make sure she had used a silver wire and not a copper wire. Rummaging through her drawers, she found some bits and pieces that she could use to rebuild her mini-camera, including a cheap cell phone.

Darcy was consumed in his work (as usual). If he didn't crack this code soon, the entire US (50 states plus Washington D.C. and Guam and the Virgin Islands and etc. etc.) could be destroyed. Elizabeth's software was basic, but it seemed to be working. Darcy thought the code was most likely written in Spanish and was about a web of bombs spread across North America. A window popped up on his screen:

Español invalid. Latin word pattern detected.

Hm, okay, it wasn't Spanish, most likely Latin. He typed in a few words and reran the program. Then he opened his e-mail application, attached two files, and typed:

To: Director XYZ .

Cc: Sub-Director UVW .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: cc

I have finished decrypting the code. The cleartext file is labeled A and the cyphertext file is labeled B. Please send me some decoding software as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Fitzwilliam Darcy of the NSA

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Everything's possible. The impossible just takes longer.

He clicked Send and watched the little loading circle spin twice before the message was officially sent. Darcy stepped out of his office, extremely pleased with himself.

Elizabeth was overloaded with work, the submarine server rescue mission, the poaching in Florida, the falcon camera, the mini-camera, and the owl field testing Charlotte was nagging her about. She sat down in the crowded Internet café and ordered coffee, black. Elizabeth yawned. Multi-tasking was overloading the computer circuits, and her laptop crashed. She rebooted her computer and took out a second laptop.

Darcy and Bingley walked into the Internet café, Bingley talking five wps (words per second). Bingley sat down next to Elizabeth, "You look terrible, almost worse than Darcy on a good day." Elizabeth cracked a smile, "Too much work." Charlotte walked over to their table. "Oh my gosh! YOU NEED SLEEP! Forget about the field testing. Get some sleep. Now." Darcy wondered what the huge fuss was about, "How long have you been awake? Seventy-two hours?"

"About." Elizabeth replied.

"That's not too bad…" Darcy muttered. Bingley rolled his eyes, "DUH! For you." Darcy was about to protest, but Bingley cut him off. "Ladies need their beauty sleep. I know two people who don't need beauty sleep. Jane, because she's pretty no matter what, and you, since you're ugly no matter what." Darcy harrumphed.

"Okay, but I need to attend this e-conference right now." Elizabeth said, poking her screen. Charlotte sat down and pulled one of Elizabeth's laptop toward her. "Me too." She typed in the password to the network. Bingley wandered out of the café to find Jane. Darcy stayed, because he was a workaholic. Plus the café had good éclairs.

The e-conference ended, and Elizabeth shut her laptop. Darcy scrolled through his inbox and opened one of the (somewhat annoying) CIA update e-mails. "What's Atlantis? Don't tell me it's real. The advanced civilization on a floating island actually existed? And Laputia too?" Elizabeth yawned again, "Atlantis is submarine. Laputia is airship." She shut her laptop. "Char, take them back to my office later." Then Elizabeth went to her office to catch some "beauty sleep".

Darcy looked at his assignment page once more.

Name: Fitzwilliam Darcy

Alias(es): Darce, Will, William, Fitz, Fitzel, Agent Darcy, Agent Fitzwilliam, The-Guy-Who-Never-Sleeps

Relations/Family/Friends: Mrs. Darcy(Deceased), Mr. Darcy(Deceased), Catherine de Bourough, Miss Bourough, Miss Darcy, Mr. Bingley

Assignment: Learn the importance of top secret government information and lie-detecting, emotion reading, motives, surveillance, and moles.

Field Notes: N/A

Elizabeth felt much better after sleeping for four hours. She picked up one of her laptops and scrolled through the surveillance tape thumbnails. There were some smugglers near the Canadian border, some illegal immigrants near the Mexican border (funnily enough, they seemed to be Americans headed to Mexico), but nothing really important. She reread her notes on oil spills and submarine cameras. This reminded her of her mini-camera; she took it out of the drawer and put some batteries in. Then she attached it to one of her plants on the patio garden. Now for the rescue mission. How could anything or anyone possibly get close enough without getting oil-fied? Also, what if the wifi went crazy and made top secret government info available to your everyday hacker (and send out a wave of wifi that will react with a certain totem pole in Yckanguara to cause an explosion so big, it would completely destroy the world)? What about the fire risk? This was getting complicated. On top of that, five dead panthers were found in Florida, they were all shot and skinned. Maybe a dolphin could get the server? She'd have to do some testing on that.

Bingley was happily typing away at his laptop, IMing Jane while figuring out which politicians were corrupt. Darcy entered the room with a stack papers, "Did they send the discs yet?" This was the four hundred and seventy second time he had asked that, but Bingley was still patient and not the least bit cranky. "Nope. I'll tell you when it gets here. Do you have the files?" Darcy placed the stack on his desk. "Yes. They're right here-"

Bingley interrupted him, "YESSS! I beat my Tetris high score!" Darcy glanced at the screen, 100 394 384, psh, Darcy had gotten that in high school. "Anyways, read the files, and then try to classify them." Darcy sat down and opened the first file, Egypt's Atomic Bomb (AD 800). BOR-ING!

Elizabeth dove into the tank. Kalo the dolphin playfully splashed her, completely unaware of the task he was about to be given. A box with the exactly same appearance, size and weight as the submarine server was semi-floating in the water. Elizabeth showed Kalo a picture of the computer and made the motion "retrieve". He swam off and pushed the box toward her. Good. But the actual gulf would be filled with oil and debris, not to mention a lot of decaying organic matter. Simulated debris would have to be added to the field. Elizabeth carefully threw a lot of rubbish into the tank. She showed Kalo a picture of wires and made the motion "NO!". Then she showed the picture of the computer and made the "retrieve" motion again. Kalo swam after the computer, but got stuck in some trash. Elizabeth carefully disentangled Kalo and repeated the showing of pictures and motions. After five times, Kalo had succeeded, and Elizabeth decided to give him some fish, a biodegradable rubber ducky, and a break.

Darcy got a 97% on his classifying, which was not good enough, the CIA required at least 110%. He had also received an e-mail from his sister.

To: Fitz .gov

From: Georgiana Darcy .gov

Subject: Hi-hi!

Hi! You haven't emailed me in a long time!:3 [don't tell me, you have work (rolls eyes)]. You don't even care about me anymore [JK] How's the CIA? Don't tell me you've been a snob to them all.

Next week is Veronyka's birthday, (in case you forgot, she's turning three [and if you have extremely terrible memory and you're wondering who the heck is Veronyka: she's my daughter]) you better be there on Friday. OR ELSE!

Love,

Giana

P.S. Veronyka says "hi-hi fitz" to you

.~`~.~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~.

Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Darcy looked at his calendar (more accurately, peered through a small space between stacks of paper, saw a blank date, shrugged and convinced himself that was Friday) good, he didn't have any meetings on Friday. He clicked the Reply button:

To: Giana .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: Re: Hi-hi!

Dear Giana,

I'm sincerely sorry that I have been unable to contact you lately. The CIA operates much more loosely, only about 10.285% of the are workaholics.

What do you think Veronyka would like for her birthday? Should I invite Charles too?

Sincerely,

Fitzwilliam Darcy of the NSA

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Everything's possible. The impossible just takes longer.

Darcy got an email a second after he clicked Send, from the CIA Updates:

To: Agent Fitzwilliam fitz,; Other Classified People xxx…

From: CIA News

Places:

Atalantis has floated toward Australia, away from the oil spill.

Laputia has neared the Ring of Fire's edge.

People N/A

Things: Plant Mini-Cams have been delayed due to accident.

Ideas: Retrieval Plan meeting is next week Tuesday.

Seminars/Meetings/Demonstrations/Operations/etc.:

Agent Elizabeth will be doing a dolphin and aviary demonstration for children on Friday. Space is limited.

_Ping! _Another e-mail:

To: Fitz .gov

From: Georgiana Darcy .gov

Subject: Re: Re: Hi-hi!

Sure, Char can come too. (But seriously, don't invite his sisters, or else I'll personally kill you.)

Silly Veronyka, she wants a unicorn for her birthday. I told her it's extremely hard to find a unicorn, she said "fine, me want dolphy [dolphin]". I don't see how either of them is possible, but whatevs.

Veronyka can almost play F¨r Elise on the piano now. I'm going to get her some Tchaikovsky and Mozart soon. Maybe a violin for her birthday? IDK…

Turn on your IM!

Love,

Giana

.~`~.~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~ .~`~

Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Darcy changed his status to Available, but only to Georgiana, he was still Invisible to the rest of the cyberworld.

Giana: hiya!

Fitzwilliam_darcy: Hello

Giana: I no! ill get her a $200 music store gift card, & she can get whatev.

Fitzwilliam_darcy: I might be able to arrange something with the dolphins…

Yeah, sure, no chance Elizabeth's going to cancel for _him_. But he had to at least try.

GIana: Oh, you can buy a dolphin? Even if you could, no way could I hav time to take care of it.

Darcy knocked on Elizabeth's door. "Enter" Elizabeth said, then glanced at the feed coming from the camera right outside the door, "or not."she muttered. Darcy stepped into her office.

"Erm. I have a request. On Friday…"

"I have a full-day Employee's Kid's event."

"Any chance of cancelling?"

"For what?"

"I have a niece…she's three…"

"I'm not cancelling for YOU! Or any of your relations."

"But it's her birthday!"

"SO?"

"I'll pay you…"

"NO WAY!"

"Fine. What else do you want?"

"Nothing. Just get out of my office." She growled. "NOW."

Elizabeth turned back to her mini-camera. She managed to solder the last pieces together and then set it down. Sighing, she picked up her phone. Darcy was annoying , but she shouldn't have channeled her frustration on the mini-camera to his niece. Plus, being related to Darcy didn't automatically mean you were horrible.

To:: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

From: Elizabeth Bennet .gov

Subject [No Subject]

Okay, here's a compromise, send me your niece's info, and I can sneak her onto the list.

But you'll have to bring her, 'cause it's a CIA only event.

Elizabeth clicked Send. The message whirled through cyber space and into Darcy's inbox. A window popped up:

1 unread message.

To: Liz .gov

From: Isable Bennet .gov

Subject: Party

You are coming no matter what!

When: Next Tuesday

Where: Our house

Ciao

Elizabeth glanced at her calendar, she had her Armadillo on Pogosticks meeting, her WPO meeting, the Employee's Kids' thingy, the Submarine Server Retrieving meetings, and now this. Craziness.

Fitzwilliam_darcy: I might be able to take Veronyka to a CIA employees' kid thing on Friday. It has dolphins and other animals.

Giana: ok…

Fitzwilliam_darcy: But it's employees only, so you can't go.

Giana: Ok. Ill move her party 2 thurs, That's her real bday anways, gtg, cyas

Darcy shut his phone. Maybe…Elizabeth might let him take Veronyka to the EK thing. He glanced at his inbox:

5 unread messages.

One of them was from Elizabeth. He opened it. Then he opened all the other messages from Rhi'anna Bingley. She was rambling on some crazy stuff about chocolate and potatoes and coconuts and stuffed frogs and teddy bears. He marked the messages as Spam. Then he clicked the reply button to Elizabeth's message.

To: Elizabeth Bennet .gov

From: Fitzwilliam Darcy .gov

Subject: Re:

That would be great.

Darcy clicked Send. Then he marked his calendar…well he tried to, there was a ridiculous amount of paper in front of him. He decided it was time for…a scanner. (dun dun dunnnn) He got a portable SmartScanner from the supplies and scanned his papers. He inwardly laughed at how Georgiana had said maybe she could get Veronyka a two hundred dollar gift card, as if it was just a trip to the dollar store. If they weren't so rich, Darcy would not have allowed Georgiana to keep Veronyka. Georgiana was only 20 years old now. But they were rich, and Veronyka wasn't hindering Giana's studies (Actually, Veronyka may be helping Georgiana improve), so Darcy had grudgingly agreed. (It was Darcy, nobody else would have been able to resist such a cute little girl.) Finally, he finished scanning the ridiculously huge stack of papers and then threw them into the paper shredder. Then he looked all over for a pen to mark his calendar.


	12. A long chapter title that won't fit here

**Collin proposes, Mary tries to murder people with her voice sings, Lizzie meets Wickham…oh and Darcy freaks out, and we are enlightened with the knowledge of exactly how many girlfriends Mr. Bingley has had so far**

**Author's Note: **The author just summarized the chapter in the title. Oops.

Elizabeth took out a small silver and black object. It was a block of shiny black wood with silver metal streaking through it. The falcon camera. She attached it to a leather harness with some cord. Digging in one of her pockets, for a treat, she blew on her whistle. Gwen, the falcon, appeared in the sky and dove toward her, rolling at the the very last second and landing on her shoulder. Elizabeth smiled and fed her. Then she signaled with her hand and Gwen flew into the air. Zero distractions. One hundred percent her and the falcon. This time, the camera worked perfectly, and actually picked up a little bit of sound from the ground. With a few adjustments, it might be able to hear normal conversations on the ground. Elizabeth removed the harness from Gwen and fed her again. Then she set Gwen loose once more, a terror to all small birds and rodents nearby.

Mr. Collins, the guy rumoured to be trying to steal Mr. Bennet's position, had been invited to dinner. He was their relative, but for some bizarre reason, Mrs. Bennet seemed to want one of her daughters to marry him. Mrs, Bennet subtly hinted that Jane was unavailable, so Mr. Collins started targeting his attention toward Elizabeth. Elizabeth found this EXTREMELY awkward (you don't marry your relatives nowadays, that's just WEIRD, actually come to think of it, nobody uses "nowadays" nowadays).

Elizabeth turned around and freaked. Mary had a karaoke microphone in her hands. Elizabeth jammed in her earplugs just as Mary started imitating a…a what? It kind of sounded like a cross between a deaf opera singer and a baby screaming at the top of her lungs. Suddenly, someone (Miss Bingley) grabbed Elizabeth's arm and dragged her to the piano (to embarrass her). Elizabeth was forced to play the piano for a while, then she snuck away when everybody turned to see who had dropped a giant stack of plates [NAME_REMOVED_DUE_TO_EMBARASSY_ISSUES]. She found herself in a corner all by herself, safe at last…or not. Lydia was talking to some random military guy, and walking this way. She stopped right in front of them and introduced them. "Mr. Wickham, this is my sister, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is Mr. Wickham." Elizabeth nodded. He had an evil-ish air about him, as if he had crawled out of the Underworld through a broken air duct. But he seemed extremely nice and polite, saying thank you, please and you're welcome, (but not in that order). Elizabeth ignored his evil-ish-ness appearance and demeanor and decided she liked him well enough, he was much more charming than Darcy. (But then, the random hippie down the street was much more charming than Darcy.) Wickham seemed extremely interested in endangered wildcats too. Mr. Bingley and Darcy walked by, Mr. Bingley waved hi and Darcy coldly ignored Elizabeth and Wickham. Darcy sat down at a table a quarter of the way across the room. Almost immediately, Miss Bingley appeared and started showering him with compliments. (Darcy almost drowned in the compliments.) Elizabeth almost threw up when she glanced at them from across the room.

"You have such beautiful handwriting. Do you do calligraphy?" Miss Bingley asked.

"Mmm. What?" Darcy hadn't noticed Miss Bingley had been chattering away for three whole minutes. Miss Bingley seemed disgusted and pulled out a huge computer programming book (?). She started absently flipping through the pages.

Elizabeth started walking towards Jane, with Wickham trailing behind her. When they passed Darcy and Miss Bingley, Darcy purposely pushed back his chair and bumped into Wickham. Elizabeth grabbed Wickham's hand to steady him, and Wickham thanked her. Then she continued on towards Jane. Jane was all by herself, staring into the space between the chandelier and the mobile. Elizabeth tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hm? Oh! Hello! Lovely afternoon, isn't it?" Jane was startled and said the first thing that popped into her mind. Elizabeth agreed.

"Where's Mr. Bingley?" she asked. Jane shrugged, "I ditched him once he started playing Battleship against William."

"Oh." Elizabeth said. Wickham started drifting away into the crowd as Darcy walked toward them.

"Where's Bingley?" he asked.

"Playing Battleship with William over…there." Jane motioned vaguely toward the other side of the room. Darcy went off to find Bingley.

Elizabeth at down and had a glass of water. Wickham came by and sat down next to her.

"Do you know that man over there?" he asked, pointing at Darcy (it's rude to point! :P).

"Darcy? Horrible man."

"Exactly. He's still yelling at me for something I did a long time ago."

"He did say lack of forgiveness was one of his flaws."

"He's freakishly rich, but he's such a penny pincher."

"Really?"

"Yes. Darcy and me went to high school together. Best friends. His dad put me into the will. But later, his dad died on a CovOp mission, and Darcy took the will, found a loophole and kept everything for himself. So I had to work my way through college, selling stuff."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Elizabeth asked. "My mom's planning another dance, would you like to come?"

"Maybe…I'm very busy."

Bingley yelled "BOO!" at Darcy, just for the fun of it. Darcy turned around and hissed, "What's Wickham doing here? Especially with Elizabeth?" Bingley looked across the room at Wickham.

"Who cares? Maybe he's changed."

"Sure…that's like saying you're a pessimist now."

"And since when did you care about 'lizabeth?"

"I DO NOT! But no lady should be near _him_. You are going to watch Elizabeth and _him_. You know what happened between _him_ and my sister."

"And what if I say no? I have much better things to do then stalk my friends."

"Then I'll personally break your neck."

"Geesh. You're nice. Why don't you watch Wickham?"

"Because."

Bingley rolled his eyes. Darcy was just so weird. I mean, the incident between Wickham and Giana was three years ago. Everybody's fine now. So what's the big deal?

Elizabeth found Wickham extremely charming, despite his evilish appearance. Sadly, he was not rich or extremely important, so her mother would disapprove. She hoped he would be at this party too, but he didn't seem to be here. Mr. Collins had asked her to dance, but he was terrible at it. They rotated partners and Elizabeth found herself dancing with…Darcy. She promptly stopped.

"No way am I going to dance with you." Darcy was a little bit insulted.

"As if." He turned and walked away. Except there was a bunch of people everywhere and he stumbled, which completely killed his somewhat dramatic exit.

This is dumb, Elizabeth thought, Why do all the extremely annoying people have to be rich? Her mother was rambling on to everybody who would listen about Mr. Bingley and Jane. Elizabeth found Charlotte in a corner of the room.

"All the guys here are either dumb or crazy or just plain weird." Elizabeth said.

"I KNOW! You'd think with a room full of people, there would be at least one somewhat decent guy." Across the room, Mary had gotten her hands on the microphone. Everybody remembered last time, and made up excuses to leave. Soon the room was completely empty, and a confused Mary set down the microphone and left the room too.

Darcy opened the book on "computer programming" that Miss Bingley had given him. It was on JavaScript. Completely useless. Mr. Bingley had finally received the discs and now Darcy had better code writing and breaking software. He borrowed a book on wifi from the Bennet's, since he almost never used wifi (in his opinion, too insecure, except that was the only Internet the Bingleys had).

Darcy was stalking following Elizabeth and Wickham around, always claiming to be looking for Bingley. Elizabeth was starting to get more than a little bit suspicious. Also, weird rumours about Wickham were floating around.

When Elizabeth got back from the Armadillo Pogostick convention, she found Mr. Collins in front of her office.

"Um. Er. Eh. Ehmm." Elizabeth was impatient.

"Just spit it out. What do you want?"

"Will you marry me?" WHAT THE HECK?

"I'm sorry. But no." Mr. Collins seemed dejected.

"It's just that you're already related to me, and it would be weird." And you're a horrible dancer, and a terrible person.

"Okay. I get it." He disappeared down the hall. That was probably the weirdest thing ever in Elizabeth's life. Or at least until she received the weirder text message from Charlotte.

Agent Charlotte

OMG! Collins just proposd 2 me!^∞

Agent Elizabeth

WHAT? NO WAY!

Whatd u say?

Agent Charlotte

Yes…

Agent Elizabeth

He just proposd 2 me about 15 min ago

Agent Charlotte

O

Agent Elizabeth

So…u actually 3 him?

Agent Charlotte

As if! But he works for the prez and I m prtty good at political manipltn

Agent Elizabeth

Owow

Agent Charlotte

+, he b rich

Agent Elizabeth

0.o

Agent Charlotte

U b cmng 2 my wedding?

Agent Elizabeth

Of course! gtg

Elizabeth closed her phone as Wickham approached her.

"Hello Lizzie." Elizabeth smiled. "Hello." Elizabeth held up two tickets.

"Are you busy?... I have an extra movie ticket."

"Not that busy." Elizabeth lied.

"So…"

"I'll go." Elizabeth laughed. Darcy had heard the entire conversation from around the corner. So the nightmare begins again, he thought. Elizabeth and Wickham nearly bumped into him as they reached the corner.

"What the heck are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked.

"Looking for Bingley." (This time, it was actually true.)

"Oh sure…" Elizabeth said sarcastically. "You just happen to always be near us when you 'look' for Bingley. Darcy started to think of a comeback, but Elizabeth and Wickham had already left.

Darcy didn't trust Wickham at all. He took a shortcut to the parking lot and placed a tracking device on Wickham's car. Then he got into his own car and drove out of the parking lot and started cruising down the streets. Five minutes later, the little GPS dot started moving. Darcy followed the dot to the movie theatres (which was about two hours away, kind of suspicious…). He bought a ticket to the same movie, and sat exactly seventeen rows away.

The movie ended and Darcy, Wickham and ELizabth left. Darcy trailed behind them, only close enough to hear them.

"Are you hungry? I know this great place near here." Wickham asked.

"A little bit." Elizabeth smiled and placed her hand on his arm. Darcy continued to follow them, all the way to the restaurant. He ordered tea and drank it as slowly as possible. Then he ordered a cookie, which he took an extremely long time to eat. Then he drove the waiter crazy by making a fuss about the grapes on the table. Elizabeth and Wickham had a table all to theirselves (with candles and fancy stuff, Oolala or more accurately, they must be crazy to want to sit at a dinner spending their entire time trying to remember which fork to use). Darcy paid for the cookies and tea (he tipped about 110%, so the waiter wasn't that annoyed). Then he followed Wickham and Elizabeth out.

Elizabeth tilted her head to one side, yep, Darcy was still following them. She walked towards a dead end alley; Darcy had no idea and followed them into the winding alley. Elizabeth stopped and turned around at the corner and walked back, Wickham was confused, but followed her. Darcy turned around the corner and found himself face to face with Elizabeth. Darn.  
>"Why the heck are you stalking us?" Elizabeth asked.<p>

"I need to talk to you."

"Tell me later. Go work on your computer codes or something."

"But-"

"Come on Wickham. Let's go." Elizabeth left with Wickham. Darcy shrugged, if that's how she wants it to be, then whatever, not his problem. He went back to his car. The GPS dot was heading toward…The Place. The horrible place Wickham had met Giana. The terrible place they always went to. Darcy shuddered at the memories. He floored the accelerator and raced after them.

Elizabeth texted her mother about Mr. Collins's random proposal. Her mother started yelling at her about how she must go to Mr. Collins right now and apologise and accept. Elizabeth refused. Wickham stopped the car. They had arrived at a magnificent hotel. It was like a palace, with hundreds of rooms and towers. When she stepped out of the car, she saw Darcy. WHAT THE FREAK? Can't he just leave me alone, she thought. Wickham stared coldly at him. "So we meet again." Darcy nodded.

"You sicken me." Darcy said, disgusted. Wickham laughed.

"Remind me how many girlfriends your friend Charles has had. Hm. I recall 23?"

"31. But that's beside the point." Darcy growled. Elizabeth was getting annoyed, she pulled Wickham away from Darcy. Wickham smiled wickedly at Darcy, "Good bye." Then he swept Elizabeth's hair to one side and put his arm around her. Darcy was desperate. He continued to follow them. Elizabeth whipped around, "What the heck is it with you two?" she took out her phone and looked at a few GPS dots. "I'm going home." Darcy was relieved. But he couldn't trust Wickham with her for one more second.

"You are coming with me. I need to talk to you about your computer software." Elizabeth shrugged. "Whatever. Just be quiet ad get me out of here." Wickham pointed at Darcy then slid his finger across his throat. A death threat. Elizabeth followed Darcy to his eco-friendly car (that was the only reason she had decided to go with Darcy). Elizabeth watched Darcy drive toward the parking lot exit. "Stop. Let me drive." she said [because the way Darcy was driving, they would use about .25 gallons to get there], and Darcy parked, sighed, and traded places with her. Elizabeth started the car, and headed toward her house. She got there on 0.0000017 gallons of gas. Then she fell on her bed and slept.


	13. Darcy angers Elizabeth

**Darcy seems to waste a lot of gallons of gas (at least according to Elizabeth's expectations), Darcy yells at Elizabeth, Darcy says something hypocritical, and basically, Darcy angers Elizabeth**

Darcy drove toward the parking lot exit. "Stop. Let me drive." she said, and Darcy parked, sighed, and traded places with her. Elizabeth started the car, and headed toward her house. She got there on 0.0000017 gallons of gas. Then she fell on her bed and slept.

Darcy turned the key. He hadn't said anything to Elizabeth about computers, or anything else, during the ride. They had arrived a her house in silence. He drove back to Bingley's house. (Well, strictly speaking, it wasn't he Bingley's house, it was one of the government's many houses for their traveling agents.) Then he spent the rest of the night installing all the encryption and decrypting software the NSA had sent him.

Elizabeth woke up, extremely annoyed with Darcy. He had ruined a perfect evening with Wickham. Elizabeth contemplated whether she should tell Jane about Bingley's 31 girlfriends. Nah, she thought, Jane's had plenty of boyfriends over the years too. She could walk into the mall with one person, and leave with another. Elizabeth turned on her phone. A ton of messages about the Submarine Retrievαl Μεετιng. She scrolled through them, she had missed a debate between Léon and Fabió about which helicopter to use. Not that it actually mattered. One from Wickham, asking when she was available. Hm…with al this work, maybe next eternity, she thought. But she was great at lying, holding the record for beating over 165 different kinds of polygraphs, so she said she would be available next Wednesday.

Darcy started arguing with himself (again), which resulted him in being really snappy at everyone else. Everything, especially Miss Bingley, was annoying him.

[TRANSCRIPT]

Elizabeth: Could I please have my disc, you know the one with the bottlenose dolphin on it?

Darcy: NO! I need it right now!

Elizabeth: Okay. What about the one with the beluga whale on it?

Darcy (roaring): NO! Why does everyone keep bothering me? You're al driving me crazy!

Elizabeth (more than slightly annoyed): I thought you were already crazy. Plus, you could have just said no, instead of yelling at me. Sheesh. And remember, I created those discs.

Darcy (a bit calmer, wait nope, still furious at the world): Well too bad for you, you should have created backups.

(Elizabeth leaves)

(Darcy slams door shut behind her)

[/TRANSCRIPT]

He was seething with rage, partially with himself, and partially with Wickham, and sort-of-ish with Elizabeth. He (Darcy, not Elizabeth, Elizabeth's a _she_) was sleep deprived and his brain was threatening to shut down at any nanosecond. Bingley came by.

"The Liz is mucho furioso. If I were you, I'd either apologise, or move out of this universe."

"Elizabeth? She's not even slightly dangerous."

"Famous last words." Bingley smiled. "Could you will me your ivory chess board and your version of Tetris?"

"No. Leave me alone." Darcy closed his eyes. Bingley swiped one of the discs off the table.

"I'll give her this, and maybe she won't direct her wrath upon me."

Someone was shaking him. "Darcy. Oh Dar-cy." Someone called in a sing-songy voice. Darcy snapped awake. "What the- Oh, hello Miss Bingley. Er. Lovely to see you." NOT!

"Crazy Elizabeth Bennet has been telling lies about you. Tsk tsk tsk. Something about being a disc thief or something. Not very smart, messing with someone like you. Funny how you thought she was so brilliant at the beginning."

Darcy found a chance to redeem himself and took it.

"Yes. I thought she was very brilliant at the beginning, but now I know she's a genius. Plus she's pretty." Miss Bingley was jealous, though Darcy didn't notice…since he was, well Darcy.

"Hmph. Not that pretty. She should do something about her hair. Plus if she was so smart, she wouldn't be around Wickham so often."

Darcy remembered yesterday, BLEAUGH!

"It's not entirely her fault…"

"Not entirely her fault? Are you out of your mind? Anyways…I was wondering-"

"Do you have to diss everyone with less money than you? Do you ever think about anyone besides yourself? Have you ever actually seen someone who's actually poor, not just poor compared to you?" Miss Bingley looked at him contemptuously. She looked offended and raised an eyebrow.

"You should ask yourself that sometime." She said, then whirled around and left. Great, now he had offended two females.

Elizabeth was ranting to anybody who would listen. Currently, her victim was Jane.

"Can you believe him? He disses everyone with less money than him. He doesn't ever think about anybody besides himself. He's probably never seen anybody who's actually poor, not just poor compared to himself." (Wow, the last bit was extremely ironic, no?)

"Come one Lizzie, he's just a stereotypical rich tech-geek workaholic." Jane said, always the optimist.

"Yeah…"Elizabeth agreed sarcastically, "who's about ten times smarter than everybody else, and makes sure everyone knows it too."

"That's not possible, I have an IQ of 143, that would mean he has an IQ of 1430. Plus a lot of people have higher IQs than me."

"Yeah, but you have an EQ of 170."

"So? You have an IQ of 170 and an EQ of 150, both above average. You're awesome."

"Whatever. He's just so infuriating."

"Ignore him. He probably has an EQ of 0. Which means you're better than him. Maybe I'll hack his profile sometime."

"If I am given permission to kill him today, I will kill him yesterday."

"Come on Liz, calm down, you still have a lot of work to do, no?"

"You're right. I'm going to see dad. He's so… eccentrically awesome that I'll probably forget about this."


	14. HippieZenYoda Stuff

**NOTE: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS HIPPIE-ZEN-YODA STUFF AND SHOULD NOT BE READ IF YOU HAPPEN TO HATE ANALOGIES AND WEIRD NONSENSE WISDOM**

**Author's Note: **Sorry, the last digit of pi cannot be told to you. It is top secret. So secret the author does not know it either.

Mr. Bennet was calculating phi on his whiteboard and inventing a machine that could draw Golden Rectangles in between writing numbers on the board.

"Lizzie, what's the last digit of pi? I forgot."

"There's no last digit of pi."

"Hm. So they haven't taught you that in school yet?"

"Nope."

"What is the world coming to? Don't they reach you anything in school these days?"

"They teach Java and C++ and C and AppleScript…"

"Those are more useless than artichokes fried in a tin can."

(Artichokes? Wha…? I be as confused as you…or maybe not, because I _am _the author of this.)

"I lost you there. Artichokes?"

"Yes artichokes." Mr. Bennet confirmed. "The schools are useless these days. The students don't even know what artichokes are."

"I know what an artichoke is."

"Oh. So the schools aren't that useless."

"Your mother told me about Collins proposing. She said that if you refuse to marry him, she's never going to speak to you again."

"But-"

"However, if you do marry that Collins guy, I'm going to disown you and never speak to you again."

"Oh. In that case…"

"What's bothering you?"

"Huh? Oh nothing really important. Not as important as finding the last digit of pi."

"The last digit of pi can wait, tell me what's wrong."

"Darcy just ruined my night out with Wickham! That's probably the only break I'm going to get in a very very very long time."

"Ah…I see. Have you tried to grow blue eggplants yet?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It doesn't. But I'm just curious. Because I think the majority of them are purple."

"Okay…"

"When the moon angers the water, she pulls them closer to herself…"

"What?" Then Elizabeth realised her father was going into one of his random Zen-Yoda moments where he spouts a lot of wisdom, but doesn't really make any sense.

"Both can survive perfectly well on their own, but have very little control due to the close proximity."

"Okay…?"

"The earth's gravity keeps the lands still. Yet neither can survive without the other."

"Comets take whatever they find, adding it to their tails and showing off. Thank goodness they're rare."

"Er…yeah…?"

"There are black holes, who could have stayed stars, but instead choose to suck in everything around them."

"So this is an analogy?"

Mr. Bennet blinked.

"I thought that would be obvious."

"I kind of understand. Sort of. Ish. Not really."

"'tis byt a trivial life lesson. Anyways, don't you dare marry that collins guy or else I will disown you, which would be treaaly bad for both of us, you stuck with that guy, and I'll be stuck with a bunch of females who believe a chipped nail will cause the end of the world." He rolled his eyes.

"And Jane."

"And Jane." Mr. Bennet added. "Oh, and I found a cat on the way to work. Dropped it off at the vet. Maybe you could go and see it." (Yes, Mr. Bennet has been checked for MPD, and he doesn't have it.)

Yayz. A cat. Elizabeth absolutely loved cats. (If you haven't noticed this yet, then the author asks, where the heck have you been for the last sixteen-ish chapters?) Elizabeth went to the vet. (Doi!) The cat was (actually, she still is) a silver tabby cat with a white throat and belly. Elizabeth loved her immediately. (Elizabeth has yet to meet an animal she didn't love. [Weird grammar]) Elizabeth filled in her…what was it…seventy fourth? No…more like her hundred twenty ninth adoption paper. Then Elizabeth scooped the cat up (the cat was really nice, she didn't scratch of bite) and took her home.


	15. Some Computer Language

**THE AUTHOR RECOMMENDS THE READER HAVE SOME BASIC HTML KNOWLEDGE BEFORE READING THIS AND APOLOGISES ABOUT THE STUFF THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE**

**Author's Note: **Any computer geeks out there? Did the author get it right? Instead of a Beta, the author may need to hire Tech Support.

Darcy stared at the pages of the book. The ASCII symbols had started to float around, so he closed the book (as to not fry and scramble his brain). He had about half a page's worth of info on remote control. He didn't really understand how the info sent went through duo-ecnryption, but only got decrypted once. (The author is currently unable to explain any of this computing stuff due to lack of tech knowledge.) There was also a ton of different computing scripts and on top of that, Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet, Jane and Mary had scribbled an insane amount of notes on top. Mr. Bennet seemed to go on humorous tangents, writing about donuts then ending with some notes on the invention of Sasquatch Repellent®. After reading that fifteen times, Darcy still had no idea how Mr. Bennet had accomplished that. It was funny though.

Note from="author" length="medium" type="explanatory" type2="warning" By the way, if you're wondering where the rest of the animals Elizabeth adopted went, they all got trained and readopted through the CIA (and FBI, and occasionally, other government agencies). After the short point of view switch, there will be a time skip. Please get ready./note pov switch to="Elizabeth" length="short"Elizabeth tried to fit in training for her new cat, but it wasn't working. She would have to wait for all this submarine and testing and Florida panther stuff to be over first./pov

"If Team X enters here, and Team Y approaches from this direction…" the meeting was taking forever, and this was only plan A.

"But then Team Z will have to loop around to the back and perform the TSARZ manoeuvre." (Triple Spin and Repetitive Zigzagging manoeuvre, but TSARZ is shorter and sounds better) Elizabeth was bored, so she started running a program that was _supposed_ to take apart recording of bird songs, but currently all it did was eat memory [Weird grammar]. (The author believes the proper word for that kind of program is "leaky"?)

"Ms. Bennet?"

Elizabeth looked up.

"Huh?/Yes?/D-what?" Elizabeth, Jane, and Mary answered (in that order, so Elizabeth said "huh" and so on and so on). (It's weird how explanations sometimes take more time to write than if the author had just written the thing out completely [weird grammar].)

"Fifteen and three quarters feet from the second helicopter, two feet away from the second ring of waves from the server and three and twenty feet away from the third helicopter from Team S." Mary said, confusing everyone.

"She means where that little purple and yellow dot is on the screen." Elizabeth said, pointing at a small purple and yellow dot on the screen (the dot was a result of a glitch).

"No. More near that green blob thingy." Jane said, pointing at one of the many green blobs that represented spilt oil.

"I see. Thank you Ms. Bennets." Elizabeth stared at the assignments on the SmartBoard. Something was wrong…but she didn't know what it was (don't you just hate it when that happens?). Annoying Darcy was written in as tech, with Mary as backup. Elizabeth was doing field, with Katie as backup. Jane was co-navigating and co-piloting with Charlotte. Richard was doing surveillance and communications with half the FBI as backup (JK, about twenty FBI agents as backup). Overall, an okay team. (Actually, they were an awe-inspiring, superior team: Darcy was…a geek, Elizabeth had mad skills, Jane and Charlotte were the best possible pilots EVER (okay, exaggerating a bit, Elizabeth, Darcy, Mrs. Bennet, and various other people might have the same amount of skillage, but anyways, get on with the story). Elizabeth stared at the SmartBoard for a few more minutes. Something was definitely wrong.

Jane, Charlotte and Elizabeth were going through the checklist. Suddenly, Elizabeth realised exactly what was wrong. Bingley.

"Oh duh!" she yelled out loud, surprising Charlotte and Jane.

"What?" they asked.

"Why isn't Mr. Bingley written in as surveillance?"

"Huh, I have no idea. Weird." Charlotte mused.

(Bit of background info, Bingley is probably the only person in the world who was better than Richard at surveillance and communications)

"Hm. He hasn't called for a while." Jane said.

"Called? About what?" Elizabeth asked.

"Stuff." Jane said, blushing slightly. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

"You're worried that a guy hasn't called you about 'stuff'?"

Jane playfully pushed her.

"Oh be quiet."

"Whatever you say, I'm going to go change." Elizabeth left.


	16. LAUNCH MISSION

**LAUNCH MISSION **

**Author's Note: **This was originally typed in Synchro LET, which was all caps, so there may be some typos. If needed, the author will type this out into story format.

Agent: Elizabeth Bennet

Job: Field

Tools/Items: Diving suit 395, clicker, oxygen tank, comm. Unit 2, Cam. 2

Backed by: Agent Katie Willows

Animal: Kalo-dolphin

Tools/Items: Electo-proof suit, Cam. 1

Agent: Richard Fitzwilliam

Job: Surveillance, Communications

Tools/Items: Comm. Unit 1, Comm. Unit 4, Server 274, Laptop 1045, cam. 5, Cam. 6, Cam. 7, The Eye

Backed by: FBI AGENTs 003-013

Agent: Jane Bennet

Job: Pilot, Navigator

Tools/Items: Comm. Unit 3, Cam. 3, Stealth Helicopter 24

Backed by: Agent Charlotte Lucas

Agent: Charlotte Lucas

Job: pilot, Navigator

Tools/Items: Comm. Unit 5, Cam. 4, Stealth Helicopter 25

Backed by: Agent Jane Bennet

Agent: Fitzwilliam Darcy

Job: Technology

Tools/Items: NSA Laptop 394, Comm. Unit 6, Cam. 8, Wi-Fi Router 82, Internet Hacking System 447,

Backed by: Agent Mary Bennet

Transcripted by: Richard Fitzwilliam

Transcripted in: Three layer

[Ex. Of three layer transcript

Name:

Spoken words

Voice description

Extra info

Fitzwilliam:

GO AWAY!

(yelled)

(pushes Ms. Bingley out the door-slams door)

Transcripted Time: 2 hours after

[TRANSCRIPT START: 01:00:00]

Fitzwilliam:

Okay. Everything in perfect working order.

n/a

(seated in front of laptop)

Richard:

Are you sure?

(suspicious)

(spinning pen around)

Fitzwilliam:

YES! I'm sure!

(annoyed)

n/a

Charlotte:

Release?

n/a

(To agent Elizabeth)

Elizabeth:

Release

n/a

(walks to hatch in bottom of helicopter)

Charlotte:

Release 3. 2. 1. Release

(robotic voice)

(has hand on release lever)

(Release Lever is pulled)

(Elizabeth dives into water)

Charlotte:

Elizabeth?

(Worried)

(silence-soft splash)

Elizabeth:

Dive successful

n/A

(Elizabeth treads water)

Charlotte:

Copy

n/a

(ascends helicopter)

Jane:

Release two

n/a

(typing away)

Elizabeth:

Confirm

n/a

(still treading water)

Jane:

confirm. Release. 3. 2. 1. Release

(robotic voice)

(hits button. Kalo's holding tank is lowered. Loud splash is heard.)

(Kalo swims out of tank)

(Holding tank ascends.)

Elizabeth:

Coordinates?

n/a

n/a

Charlotte:

near the green blob-

(uncertain)

(staring at GPS)

kind of shaped like-

(uncertain)

(GPS screen zooms out)

wait never mind,

n/a

(taps pin labeled "CIA SERVER 001"

about hundred feet north and thirty feet deep

(said slowly)

(calculating)

Elizabeth:

Jane. Richard. Confirm.

(laughs-serious)

(pushes away debris)

Jane & Richard:

Confirm

n/a

n/a

Richard:

Boat. 2 o'clock. Planes. 3 o'clock 5 o'clock 7 o'clock oh snap.

(serious-hurried)

(enlarges a electromagnetic wave screen)

Elizabeth:

What?

(Worried)

(stops swimming)

Richard:

Never mind.

(laughing)

(minimizes screen)

Elizabeth:

WHAT?

(annoyed)

(continues swimming with Kalo)

Richard:

IT was- oh snap snap snap snap snap

(worried)

(tapping furiously at grid keyboard in front of him)

Charlotte/Elizabeth/Jane/Fitzwilliam:

WHAT?

(Scream)

(rest of team members pause what they are doing)

Richard:

The server's going haywire

(worried)

(tapping away furiously)

The battery is going crazy

(talking fast)

(opens multiple windows)

DARCY!

(screaming)

(Freaking out, tapping away at grid, flipping through various books)

Fitzwilliam:

What?

(calm)

(completely oblivious to everyone else's panic)

Richard:

CUT THE POWER!

(scared)

(staring at screen in horror)

Fitzwilliam:

If you say so…

(calm)

(moves slowly toward laptop)

Richard:

NOW!

(yells)

(frantically running around in circles)

[HAHAHAHAHA!-Liz]

[Can we edit that out?-Richard]

[No way! It's hilarious :) -Jane]

[We have to keep everything in the transcript.-Fitzwilliam]

[Hm…I see potential blackmail. Mwahahaha-Liz]

[Just continue with the transcript-Fitzwilliam]

[Yeah, _I'm_ doing the transcripting here-Richard]

Fitzwilliam:

Okay. Cutting power.

(slightly annoyed)

(hits "enter" key on keyboard)

Richard:

It's not working!

(yells)

(Frantic)

Fitzilliam:

WHAT? WHAT THE…Oh. Huh.

(Slightly bored)

(hits "enter" key again)

Richard:

Still not working

(Yells)

(Even more frantic)

[If that's possible-Liz]

[Be quiet-richard]

Fitzwilliam:

WHAT? Oh wait a sec.

(slightly worried)

(types away, avoids "enter" key)

[The key was stuck- Elizabeth]

[IT WAS NOT!-fitzwilliam]

[Was too-Jane]

[was not-Fitzwilliam]

[was too-Jane/Elizabeth/Richard]

[WAS NOT!-Fitzwilliam]

[In denial-richard]

[Am not!-fitzwilliam]

[in denial about being in denial-richard]

[so true!-Liz]

[AM NOT! And don't we have to finish this transcript?-Fitzwilliam]

[IN denial about being in denial about being in denial-Richard]

Richard:

Okay. Good. It's stopped.

(calms down)

(sits down)

Elizabeth:

Wow. Richard.

(teasing)

(continues swimming)

Getting tired here, hurry up

(bored)

(Kalo surfaces and squeaks)

Fitzwilliam:

Okay. I finished the stuff at the tech end.

n/a

(hits "enter")

[The enter key was broken-Jane]

[Yep, if he had realised that, he wouldn't have nearly killed me-Liz]

[*protests*-Fitzwilliam]

[You can't wordlessly protest! It's not a role play!-Liz]

[Continue with the transcript, and the "enter" key was not broken-Fitzwilliam]

Elizabeth:

Okay.

N/a

(Dives down)

Charlotte:

Fifteen feet?

n/a

(looks at little gps dot moving downwards)

Elizabeth:

Yep. No sixteen-seventeen-eighteen-you get the point

(speech is slightly warped)

(bumps into metal rod)

Kalo: [SQUEAK]

(High pitched, frightened)

(swims around quickly)

(metal rod bumps into CIA server)

(sparks shoot through the water)

(Electric current surges through water)

(Flames erupt across the water)

[-

Charlotte:

Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Lizzie!

(worried)

(brings helicopter down)

Richard:

'lizbeth. Come in. Elizabeth.

(worried)

(Elizabeth's camera feed blacks out)

Elizabeth:

k...o…qw…r…tui…

(crackle crackler)

(Flames are spreading quickly)

[Tui? What's that supposed to mean?-Jane]

[I Don't Know-Elizabeth]

[But you said it!-Jane]

[I'm not even sure it's spelled "tui"-Richard]

[This commentary is useless. Continue the transcript.-Fitzwilliam]

[Your comment about the commentary is useless is useless-Elizabeth]

[Shush! Continue the transcript-Fitzwilliam]

[*offended* Did you just shush me?-Elizabeth]

[Yes. Now shush.-Fitzwilliam]

[*offended*-Elizabeth]

Jane:

Liz! Lizzy! 'lizbeth! CALL 911!

(frantic)

(helicopter is circling above)

Charlotte:

We can't. We're basically already 911.

(trying to be calm)

(circling above)

Richard:

Lizzie! Her camera's out.

(frantic-zero emotion)

(trying to look at all the screens simultaneously)

Wait. I think Kalo's camera spotted her.

(optimistic)

(zooms in on screen)

I'm pretty sure.

(dubious)

(tries to focus screen. Screen flickers and blacks out.)

Charlotte:

Where is she?

(worried)

(turning on all her screens and turning on autopilot)

Richard:

I'm not sure. I guess we'll just have to wait this out?

(scared)

(typing at 200wpm)

-]

The dialogue and action between [- and -] took approximately five seconds.

Charlotte:

I'm releasing the foam I guess. Might help.

(calm)

(presses button. Fire suppression foam releases.)

Jane:

What do I do?

(Speaking quickly)

(glances at the numerous dials and buttons in front of her)

Charlotte:

I guess we'll just have to wait this out.

(calm)

(racking her brain for any possible rescue attempts)

Richard:

Hey Darcy!

n/a

(remembers Darcy)

Fitzwilliam:

Yes?

(Calm)

(assessing situation)

[assessing situation? Why do I have to have "racking her brain for any possible rescue attempts?"-Charlotte]

[Uhm.-Richard]

['cause you were trying to rescue me, while Darcy was just trying to see if the server could have survived-Elizabeth]

[Yays.-Charlotte]

[what? NO!-Fitzwilliam]

[Yeah. What Elizabeth said.-Richard]

[You don't have the authority to do that! I'm not a despicable villain-Fitzwilliam]

[Uh huh. Richard, continue transcript.-Elizabeth]

[Yes Ma'am.-Richard]

Richard:

Hello? Huge fire? Help? SHS?

(sarcastic)

(concerned)

Fitzwilliam:

I'm just tech.

(complaining)

(running a projection program)

Richard:

WE NEED ALL THE HELP POSSIBLE!

(screaming)

n/a

I don't care if you're having an asthma attack!

(screaming)

n/a

Fitzwilliam:

But then I'd be dying.

(calm)

n/a

Richard:

I could care less about you! And you don't even have allergies!

(screaming)

n/a

Just save her!

(screaming)

n/a

Charlotte:

I think…I think I see her…

(unsure-optimistic)

(lowers helicopter six inches)

Richard:

The fire team's coming! Hurry!

(calmer)

(screen shows a blinking dot moving toward a purple blob)

Charlotte:

Okay. I- wait. Darcy, fly the plane.

(authority)

(drags Darcy to control panel)

Fitzwilliam:

What? I can't drive a plane!

(annoyed)

(Fighting against Charlotte's death grip)

I have a pilot! I've only token a crash course! I'll crash!

(Angry)

(jerks away from Charlotte)

Charlotte:

You just need to keep the plane still. Like a video game.

n/a

(jabs button and departs through hatch in bottom of helicopter)

Five minutes of inactivity

Charlotte:

I found her! Bring me up.

(HAPPY)

(holding bottom of rope ladder with one hand. Elizabeth is with her.)

[Happy? That's the biggest understatement in all of history-Charlotte]

[Then what do I write-Richard]

[I don't know-Charlotte]

[Then be quiet!-Richard]

Jane:

What about Kalo?

n/a

(peering through the foam and smoke)

Richard:

I picked up Kalo's signal. About half a mile south southeast.

(Calm)

(screen shows a blue GPS dot)

Jane:

Okay. I'll pick Kalo up, send Elizabeth to ER.

(calm)

(turns helicopter around)

Fitzwillliam:

HOW? My crash course was the ghost helicopter. Different controls!

n/a

(stares at numerous buttons and dials)

Charlotte:

Purple button. Right top corner. Labeled "L",

(impatient)

(Elizabeth is blacking out)

Button is pushed. Ladder is raised. Happiness and joy ensues.

[/Transcript End 1:57:98]

Elizabeth spun around in her chair. Around and around and around and around and around. The mission had been a success. One thing done, a few more to go. She still had to do something about the panther issue. Also, she needed to train the cat and she had to find some time to meet Wickham. Elizabeth couldn't really decide if she actually liked Wickham, or if she just went to restaurants and stuff with Wickham so she could annoy Darcy. Because Darcy was always so annoyed and angry every time he saw Wickahm. It was amusing for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth strolled through the mall, trying to figure out the private information of each person. (Stalkerish? Yes. Useful? Extremely.) She was going to meet Charlotte at the coffee shop in fifteen minutes. Glancing at a mirror, she paused for a second. Wickham? What was he doing here? She set down the mirror and turned toward Wickham. He was with a young lady (20-ish). They were laughing about something. Elizabeth forced herself to smile and walked toward them.

"Hello Lizzie." Wickham said. "This is my girlfriend Brittany King."

"It's Elizabeth." Elizabeth said icily. "Hello Brittany."

"Hello Elizabeth."

"Well…see you around." Wickham said, and let Brittany pull him away.

"See you." Elizabeth said. "Or not." She muttered under her breath. She found Charlotte and crashed onto the couch. (It was a weird coffee shop.)

"Liz, I hate to break it to you…or not. Wickham is EVIL! But anyways, I just saw Wickham with a girl. Brittany or something?"

"He is NOT! Darcy's worse. And yeah, I saw them."

"Ice cream?" Charlotte asked, immediately going into conole-Elizabeth-mode.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Maybe a cupcake?"

Charlotte smiled, "Okay, I'll get you one."

"Thanks. I'll pay you back tomorrow."

"No need. It's two dollars. If you were lucky, you could find two dollars on the ground." (It wasn't your average cupcake, so it was kind of expensive.)

Charlotte came back with a cupcake. Elizabeth picked at it. Charlotte picked up a newspaper someone had left there and started reading it. Elizabeth ate a tiny crumb off the cupcake. She had eaten virtually nothing.

"You know what?" Elizabeth asked, putting her fork down. "The weird thing is that I don't really care as much as I think I should."

"What do you mean? Ha! Some FBI messed up and almost arrested a kid for a water gun."

"I don't know. It's just not that big of a deal. I'm not mad at him or the Brittany person or me or anyone."

"Not even Darcy?"

"He doesn't count." Elizabeth said.

"Hm. Maybe you didn't actually like Wickham."

"Probably."

"So are you going to eat that cupcake, or can I eat it for you?"

"Me." Elizabeth ate the cupcake in three bites. Charlotte smiled.

Darcy heard from Mr. Bingley that Wickham was dating someone who was NOT Elizabeth. This made him feel better…ish. First he had to confirm the rumour.

"I heard you and Wickham broke up or something."

Elizabeth forced a smile. "We were never together."

"Oh really?"

"Really. And why do you care?"

"He owes me money." Darcy said lamely. "From uhm. Ninth grade. Fifty dollars." Which was true, but Darcy could care less about fifty dollars.

"You know it's rude to just go up to someone and inquire about their personal lives? Wickham was right. You know, if it was anybody but you, I would return fifty dollars for Wickham."

"Wait. Not that. He er. Uh. Uhm. Never mind."

Elizabeth sat down in her chair. Darcy still remembered a debt from high school. Wow, He must have tens of thousands of fifty dollars right now.

Darcy IMed his sister.

Fitz: Hi

Giana: hi

Fitz: I saw Mr. Wickham with a new girl today.

Giana: …

Fitz: He used to be with Elizabeth Bennet. You know THE Elizabeth Bennet.

Giana: the- and I quote the girl that "goes around chasing cats all day"?

Fitz: Yes…?

Giana: No comment.

Fitz: Sorry. But what should I do?

Giana: IDK

Fitz: Almost killed Elizabeth the other day.

Giana: Seriously?

Fitz: Yep.

Giana: wait Wickham almost killed some1? File a lawsuit that he tried to kill a co-worker or something.

Fitz: Er. No. I almost killed Elizabeth. Around 90,000 volts. In the ocean.

Giana: What? Is she like Frankenstein's monster now or something?

Fitz: No. She's alive.

Giana: Then she'll probably want to kill you right now.

Fitz: Yes. Probably. What should I do?

Giana: IDK write her a song or something

Fitz: A song?

Giana: yes a song, hello? Music lessons for 15 years, which you forced upon me too?

Fitz: But…

Giana: Plus you've written lots of stuff. I'll help.

Fitz: Maybe not. I'll just get her a card or something instead.

Giana: u can't "just get her a card"! u can't just electrocute someone, then go here's a card. Hope u feel bettr.

Fitz: Well…that's what I was going to do.

Giana: Fitzwilliam Darcy! I am shocked at your insensitivity.

Fitz: Giana…

Giana: Watevr u do, u can't just give her a card gtg cyas

Fitz: See you.

Darcy logged off. He wished he could just send Elizabeth a card. I mean really, it's not like she's about to die or anything. Plus, Darcy hadn't written a song for years, at least not since his parents had died. Also, it would just kill his hard to get rich geek image. (JK, he couldn't care less about that.)


	17. Elizabeth's Spinning Chair

**Elizabeth's Spinning Chair**

Elizabeth spun around in her chair. Around and around and around and around and around. The mission had been a success. One thing done, a few more to go. She still had to do something about the panther issue. Also, she needed to train the cat and she had to find some time to meet Wickham. Elizabeth couldn't really decide if she actually liked Wickham, or if she just went to restaurants and stuff with Wickham so she could annoy Darcy. Because Darcy was always so annoyed and angry every time he saw Wickahm. It was amusing for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth strolled through the mall, trying to figure out the private information of each person. (Stalkerish? Yes. Useful? Extremely.) She was going to meet Charlotte at the coffee shop in fifteen minutes. Glancing at a mirror, she paused for a second. Wickham? What was he doing here? She set down the mirror and turned toward Wickham. He was with a young lady (20-ish). They were laughing about something. Elizabeth forced herself to smile and walked toward them.

"Hello Lizzie." Wickham said. "This is my girlfriend Brittany King."

"It's Elizabeth." Elizabeth said icily. "Hello Brittany."

"Hello Elizabeth."

"Well…see you around." Wickham said, and let Brittany pull him away.

"See you." Elizabeth said. "Or not." She muttered under her breath. She found Charlotte and crashed onto the couch. (It was a weird coffee shop.)

"Liz, I hate to break it to you…or not. Wickham is EVIL! But anyways, I just saw Wickham with a girl. Brittany or something?"

"He is NOT! Darcy's worse. And yeah, I saw them."

"Ice cream?" Charlotte asked, immediately going into conole-Elizabeth-mode.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Maybe a cupcake?"

Charlotte smiled, "Okay, I'll get you one."

"Thanks. I'll pay you back tomorrow."

"No need. It's two dollars. If you were lucky, you could find two dollars on the ground." (It wasn't your average cupcake, so it was kind of expensive.)

Charlotte came back with a cupcake. Elizabeth picked at it. Charlotte picked up a newspaper someone had left there and started reading it. Elizabeth ate a tiny crumb off the cupcake. She had eaten virtually nothing.

"You know what?" Elizabeth asked, putting her fork down. "The weird thing is that I don't really care as much as I think I should."

"What do you mean? Ha! Some FBI messed up and almost arrested a kid for a water gun."

"I don't know. It's just not that big of a deal. I'm not mad at him or the Brittany person or me or anyone."

"Not even Darcy?"

"He doesn't count." Elizabeth said.

"Hm. Maybe you didn't actually like Wickham."

"Probably."

"So are you going to eat that cupcake, or can I eat it for you?"

"Me." Elizabeth ate the cupcake in three bites. Charlotte smiled.

Darcy heard from Mr. Bingley that Wickham was dating someone who was NOT Elizabeth. This made him feel better…ish. First he had to confirm the rumour.

"I heard you and Wickham broke up or something."

Elizabeth forced a smile. "We were never together."

"Oh really?"

"Really. And why do you care?"

"He owes me money." Darcy said lamely. "From uhm. Ninth grade. Fifty dollars." Which was true, but Darcy could care less about fifty dollars.

"You know it's rude to just go up to someone and inquire about their personal lives? Wickham was right. You know, if it was anybody but you, I would return fifty dollars for Wickham."

"Wait. Not that. He er. Uh. Uhm. Never mind."

Elizabeth sat down in her chair. Darcy still remembered a debt from high school. Wow, He must have tens of thousands of fifty dollars right now.

Darcy IMed his sister.

Fitz: Hi

Giana: hi

Fitz: I saw Mr. Wickham with a new girl today.

Giana: …

Fitz: He used to be with Elizabeth Bennet. You know THE Elizabeth Bennet.

Giana: the- and I quote the girl that "goes around chasing cats all day"?

Fitz: Yes…?

Giana: No comment.

Fitz: Sorry. But what should I do?

Giana: IDK

Fitz: Almost killed Elizabeth the other day.

Giana: Seriously?

Fitz: Yep.

Giana: wait Wickham almost killed some1? File a lawsuit that he tried to kill a co-worker or something.

Fitz: Er. No. I almost killed Elizabeth. Around 90,000 volts. In the ocean.

Giana: What? Is she like Frankenstein's monster now or something?

Fitz: No. She's alive.

Giana: Then she'll probably want to kill you right now.

Fitz: Yes. Probably. What should I do?

Giana: IDK write her a song or something

Fitz: A song?

Giana: yes a song, hello? Music lessons for 15 years, which you forced upon me too?

Fitz: But…

Giana: Plus you've written lots of stuff. I'll help.

Fitz: Maybe not. I'll just get her a card or something instead.

Giana: u can't "just get her a card"! u can't just electrocute someone, then go here's a card. Hope u feel bettr.

Fitz: Well…that's what I was going to do.

Giana: Fitzwilliam Darcy! I am shocked at your insensitivity.

Fitz: Giana…

Giana: Watevr u do, u can't just give her a card gtg cyas

Fitz: See you.

Darcy logged off. He wished he could just send Elizabeth a card. I mean really, it's not like she's about to die or anything. Plus, Darcy hadn't written a song for years, at least not since his parents had died. Also, it would just kill his hard to get rich geek image. (JK, he couldn't care less about that.)


	18. Moose

**Moose**

Elizabeth took the day off. She deserved it, the director nearly insisted for her to take the day off. Charlotte had also taken the day off to keep her company. They were sitting near a stream in the forest.

"I seriously can't believe him!" Elizabeth complained. "He said he had checked everything, but he didn't notice the "Enter" key was broken?"

"Everyone makes mistakes…though I do admit that was really bad." Charlotte said, trailing her hand through the water in the stream.

"And he still doesn't bother to apologise." Elizabeth muttered. She scrolled through her messages on her phone. "Huh. The director still feels bad about the near electrocution, says I can take a team to Florida to work on the panther issue. Also something about the panthers and worldwide economy troubles. Could you please go with me to Florida?"

"Sure. I'll just have to postpone the wedding." Charlotte said cheerfully. "Which is great for me."

"Yay! And I guess I'll ask Mary and Jane and Bingley and Fitzwilliam."

"Darcy?" Charlotte said, kidding.

"Not in this lifetime!" Elizabeth said, laughing.

Darcy felt sorry for Elizabeth. She had just nearly gotten electrocuted to death, and now she had to do a presentation. Darcy really didn't want to go. If thoughts could kill, he'd probably have been dead the second they had met. But Georgiana would kill him if he neglected the few relatives he had. So he would have to go…and hope Elizabeth wouldn't accidentally murder him or something. Not that he would mind that much, even Darcy knew he deserved it. However, that would be bad for Veronyka and Giana, they'd be stuck with no living male relatives. (Which isn't really that much of a bad thing…)

The day had begun. Darcy had just picked up Veronyka and was driving toward his dear…er doom…wait wait, …driving to the CIA EcoTech Meeting Room. The ride was much too short for Darcy, much too long for Veronyka, and wasted too much gas (according to Elizabeth). The guard at the door asked for ID. Darcy flashed his temporary CIA card. The guard nodded and the steel doors lid open. Inside, the room was filled with children and CIA agents. Darcy stood there awkwardly. The guy who was obsessed with Pascal's Triangle was there, so was the lady who had invented the paradoxical miniaturising theory. (No, the author is not going to explain what those are.) Jane was chatting away with some guy. Charlotte had her laptop and was setting up the presentation.

Elizabeth smiled and scanned the room, when she saw Darcy, her smile dropped for a second, then she forced a fake smile onto her face and continued to look around the room. Veronyka pulled Darcy toward a poster of a unicorn cow.

"Look! It unicorn cow!" Then she ran off to another poster. Darcy followed. Veronyka ran all over the room, pointing to various posters.

"Look! It weird deer!" Veronyka said, pointing at a one horned moose. Elizabeth overheard and came over.

"No, Veronyka, it's a moose."

"Moose?" Veronyka asked, saying the strange new word.

"Yes. A moose."

"Moose. Moose. Moose." Veronyka repeated. Elizabeth smiled.

"It's nearly your birthday right?" she asked

"Yes. Twee."

"Three. I see." Elizabeth said. Darcy stood there, unsure of what to do. He was being completely ignored.

"Well happy birdthday! And tell your uncle Darcy he has to be extra nice to you today."

"Okay." Veronyka said. Elizabeth left to talk to someone else.

"She say you be nice to me today." Veronyka said to Darcy.

"Yes." Darcy agreed.

Elizabeth smiled at the audience. This was her element. This was where she could show Darcy exactly how much more awesome she was was than him. First the birds. The falcon, the owl, and the cockatoo. Elizabeth had to do the demonstration twice, because the audience pestered her for an encore. Then she led them outside to the huge dolphin and whale tank. Elizabeth had to do this demonstration three times, and they still asked for an encore.

Elizabeth's thoughts were whirling around in her brain, she struggled to concerntrate.

"This is a wolphin. His name is Kasul." She managed to focus on the presentation. Her thoughts kept returning to yesterday. Finally, she got through the presentation and Agent Katie took over. She circled to the back of the room and sat down, zoning out.

The lights turned back on and Elizabeth snapped back to the present. It was near the end, which meant she would have to answer a bunch of questions. She walked slowly through the room, people were chatting in scattered groups and the children was running around playing games. She spotted Darcy and Veronyka standing off to the side. Elizabeth pulled one of the kids out of the game, Dalia. Elizabeth pointed at Veronyka.

"Go ask her to play with you, okay? It's her birthday and she doesn't know anyone here." Dalia nodded and ran off toward Veronyka. Soon, they were playing one of those weird games we all played when we were young.

When Elizabeth walked by, Darcy thanked her.

"Lizzie?" Elizabeth turned. Darcy calling her Lizzie?

"It's Elizabeth to you." She said icily.

"Elizabeth."

"What?"

"Thank you."

"For what? Is the world going to end or something? You're trying to be grateful for everything? Oh I know! You're going to die tomorrow."

"I am not going to die tomorrow. And thanks for all this. Veronyka's happy." Elizabeth nodded.

"If you plan to die anytime soon, call me, 'cause I'll need to plan a party." Elizabeth said.

"I will." Darcy replied.

"Good." Elizabeth turned and continued on.


	19. Some Awkward Situations

22:26

**In which the characters end up in weird awkward situations**

The annoyingly long meeting had dragged right through lunch and was now cutting into dinner. Everybody around the table was cranky and tired. Darcy thought if this gets any more boring, he'd have to tell Elizabeth he was about to die from boredom, and then she could have her party…if this meeting ever ended. Down and across the table, Elizabeth was equally bored. This meeting did concern Florida panthers, but she could care less about the economy and stuff that revolved around it. Elizabeth discreetly logged onto a ghost wifi and opened a chat window. (In this story, ghost wifi is wifi that doesn't show up when the computer scans for wifi. They're also untrackable. Plus they're not allowed in the CIA HQ.) Jane had logged onto a ghost network too.

Jane: ;( havnt heard from charles 4 long time

Elizabeth: I think it be Darcy's fault.

Jane: wha…?

Elizabeth: He be hating Wickham. He be very bad.

Jane: Oh come on, ur saying Darcy's trying 2 keep Bingley from getting married?

Elizabeth: Wait, married?

Jane: Wait. 4get wat I said.

Elizabeth: Married ?

Jane: 4get it

Elizabeth: tell me!

Jane: ok ok

It was kind of weird

He called me, said he had 2 talk to me l8r

I said ok cya

We met in the park

He was about 2 propose 2 me…I think

Idk

Cuz he was all formal & awkward $ about 2 say something, but was 2 shy

Then he got a call, said it was important, had 2 leave

Next day he & darce were walking, he completely ignored me

L8r saw him with some1 else

;(

Elizabeth: and then?

Jane: He went 404 outta site

Elizabeth: pun intended ?

Jane: nope

Elizabeth: so he's gone?

Jane: yep

"…-net. Elizabeth. Agent Elizabeth." The person at the head of the table repeated.

"Oh yes?" Elizabeth asked.

"Who do you think should head the Florida team?"

"Tr- wait, she's in the Bermuda Triangle. Maybe Fitzwilliam?"

Across the room, Darcy kind of had a mini celevration in his brain.

"Fitzwilliam…?" the person at the head of the table prompted.

"Richard Fitzwilliam."

"Hm. I see. He does have a good record."

Across the room, Darcy had a miniature Great Depression in his head.

"'kay. Any other suggestions?" he looked around the room.

"No? Going once, twice, three times, approved." A spreadsheet was created and Richard Fitzwilliam was typed in as the mission supervisor. Elizabeth was written in as vice-supervisor. Mary had tech, Jane had transportation, and Bingley was written in as communications and surveillanve, but nobody was sure if he would be able to make it. Other stationary positions were filled in. Darcy wasn't on the list at all.

"Okay? An changes? Are you sure this is the best possible team?"

No, thought Darcy. It's horrible without me as tech. But I can't say anything…If Elizabeth hates me that much, then I guess I'll just avoid her. Giana texted him.

Giana: u started the song yet?

Fitz: nope

Giana: Come on,

Gitz: I can't. I haven't written anything since…you know.

Giana: O ull hav 2 start again sometime

Fitz: Never! And not for her.

Giana: Then who?

Fitz: No one. Never.

Giana: And I wonder y ppl h8 u

Fitz: Who hates me?

Giana: And I think ur smart sometimes….

Fitz: I'm at a meeting right now. I'll talk to you later.

Giana: cya workaholic

Fitz: Okay

"Backups?" The man at the head of the table asked. "Same as the submarine retrieval team, but in reverse?"

"Sure." Elizabeth said. "Though I might switch the tech backup to someone else…I don't know, I'll send a confirmation in later."

Darcy was unsure of what to do, should he protest? Georgiana texted him again.

Giana: come on! Rite da song!

Fitz: I don't have a piano here.

Giana: I no u can rite a song in ur head w/o anything else

Fitz: No.

Giana: Seriously, u hav 2

Fitz: No I don't. She hates me. Why would she want to hear me sing?

Giana: u hav an EQ of -12 u hav no idea about anything

Fitz: I'll get her something. Not a song.

Giana: I guess. Bai. I'll kill u when u come bak

Fitz: Good bye.

Darcy still had no idea what to do. He really needed to apologise to Elizabeth, but had absolutely no idea how. Now that he thought about it, a card would be bad. Maybe jewellery? She doesn't seem the type, but it's better than writing a song. Darcy went to the nearest jewellery store and got a silver as a conductor and the diamond as a cutting tool. Useful, no? (and expensive) However, Darcy still couldn't apologise. He was too scared…of what? He asked himself. She's just a woman…who's probably going to murder me when she sees me. The light turned red. Darcy slammed the brake and stopped so his tires were right on the edge of the white line. He waited, bored. Across the street, he saw a sign for some movie, Phoenix Rising. Hm. Bingley had asked him to go with him to the movie or something, or was it something else? Oh well.

Darcy kept the bracelet in his pocket. Maybe he wouldn't ever see Elizabeth again? Then he could just forget about this? Yeah, and I'm going to quit my job and become a hobo, he thought sarcastically. Mr. Bingley had invited him to see that movie, with Jane and…Elizabeth.

"Where were you?" Jane asked Bingley. Bingley looked uncomfortably at Darcy.

"He had work." Darcy answered. "He still does and has to leave the city soon." Bingley frowned. Jane had zero expression on her face. Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. Yeah right, he had "work". Elizabeth shook her head, she wasn't feeling that well, probably a result of getting electrocuted.

When they got to the theatre, Bingley insisted on sitting with Jane. Which left Darcy and Elizabeth with the last two seats in the theatre, which by some strange twist of fate, happened to be next to each other. The world must be conspiring against me, Elizabeth thought. She had a minor headache.

The movie was interesting, but Elizabeth's head was killing her. Darcy was fidgeting, he knew he had to apologise soon. The movie was causing a song to start forming in his head. Despite his reluctance to write a song, it was a thing to become preoccupied with. Elizabeth didn't seem at all interested in the movie.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

"Fine." She tried to snap.

"Sure…" he said sarcastically.

"Like you care. I'm fine." She said. "And if I'm not, it's all your fault."

"So now I'm your scapegoat."

"Thank you for stating the obvious."

Later, Darcy was stuck trying to figure out some lyrics, Elizabeth leaned her head on his shoulder. He instinctively jerked away.

"Sorry." She whispered.

Darcy shrugged. "I thought you were 'fine'." He said.

"I lied, okay?"

"Okay." Darcy said. Elizabeth shifted in her seat. She bit her lip. Darcy opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He waited a few seconds.

"You should…um…sleep. I guess I'll wake you up later…?" Darcy said awkwardly.

"Um but only if you need to. Er. Or want to. Or um…never mind."

"Awkward much?" she asked.

"Never mind." He repeated. "You can do whatever you want."

"I can already do whatever I want. It's a free country.  
>she murmured. She closed her eyes.<p>

"I think you can lean on my shoulder…" he said awkwardly.

"You think?" she asked.

"Uhm." Darcy shifted uncomfortably. He decided to shut his mouth. "I think…" he repeated. Elizabeth turned away and ignored him. She pretended to be interested in the movie. Her minor headache had gone to killer headache, which had now become a serial killer headache. She cautiously leaned on Darcy's shoulder. Then she fell asleep.

The movie ended. Darcy's arm had fallen asleep. He gently pushed Elizabeth and she woke up.

"Wha…?" Oh. Where's Jane and Bingley?"

"They probably left together and went to get coffee or something."

"Basically, you're saying they ditched us."

"Well…yes. Which is all the better for me."

"Huh?"

"I need to talk to you about the mission." Elizabeth was silent for a moment. "Later."

"When's later?"

"Later."

"Which is?"

"I don't see them. Okay, what do you need to tell me?"

"I'm…" Darcy paused. "Here's a get well present for you?" he said, holding out the bracelet. "If you don't like it, you can use it for wire or cutting or something." Elizabeth frowned. "Thanks. Oh there's Jane and Charles." Jane and Mr. Bingley walked toward them. Mr. Bingley drove Jane and Elizabeth home.

"Are you jealous or something? You try to sabotage my relationship, but you can do whatever you want. Do you want to get married first or something?"

"No. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Come on. It's so obvious you like Elizabeth."

"Do not."

"Sure…I just love to buy diamond bracelets for people I hate."

"It was a get well present!"

"Sure…"

"Really."

Charles grinned mischievously. "I'll just tell my suspicions to Lizzy, and see what she thinks about it."

"You wouldn't!"  
>"Would. Should."<p>

"I'll hack your accounts."

"Geesh. I was just kidding."

"Okay."

"I won't tell her."

"Thanks."

Darcy stared at the bracelet sitting on his desk he opened a score writing application he had written for Giana. He wrote out the song that had been playing through his head. Giana had won.

Fitz: I wrote a song…

Giana: Send it now!

Fitz: okay. I sent it.

Giana: Hm. Okay. V says u need 2 change some of the notes

Fitz: ok

Giana: sent it

Fitz: Thank you.

Giana: cyas

Darcy opened the file. The new score was better than the one he had written. He knew what to do with the bracelet now. He picked up the jewellery box and looked through his desk drawer for a stamp. No luck (if he did have one, that would be weird, since he never used stamps). He went down to the mail room.

Darcy addressed the package to Georgiana in NY. He sent it. There, at least the bracelet wasn't completely useless. But now what would he give Elizabeth? The son. (Doi! Everybody saw that coming from several chapters away.) He'd have to finish that soon, because the NSA needed him and his aunt was almost screaming at him.

Elizabeth stroked the top of Art's head. (She named the cat Art, after Artemis, the goddess of the Hunt, silver, deer, etc.) She took a deep breath and opened her laptop.

Elizabeth: About the bracelet

Fitzwilliam: Yes?

Elizabeth: …

Darcy: Do you want the bracelet? Because if you do, too bad, I sent it to my sister.

Elizabeth: good.

Darcy: okay.

Elizabeth was relieved. She hadn't lost the bracelet. The clock on her wall beeped. Oh snap, she had a meeting with 009. She wasn't sure who 009 was exactly, but he had double o status, so she didn't dare to be late.

Good news! (She's dead! The witch of the west is dead! The wickedest witch there ever was, the enemy of all of us here in Oz is dead! Good news! JK, first of all, we're not in Oz, second of all, that's not good news.) Jane had taken a break with the excuse of emotional stress. She had gone to NY, where Mrs. Gardiner and Mr. Gardiner, their aunt and uncle lived. (That's not the good news.) CovOp: C4TZ was underway. (That's the good news) Jane wouldn't be able to make it, Mar had ditched them for some pi memorizing convention in Wyoming or something. This made them short on tech AND transportation. There had been an earthquake and tsunami in Japan, so the CIA was really short on people. Japan provided them a bunch of computer chips and tech stuff. Plus, they had quite a few undercover agents there. Charlotte had been substituted in…and Darcy. He'd be going with them. Fate was cruel. (For those of you who believe this stuff seems so rigged, the author would like to point out the best of the best run in the same circles.) If that wasn't annoying enough, Charlotte was getting married DURING the trip. Her wedding was scheduled in Hawai'i. The team was going to San Francisco, then Juneau, then Honolulu, and then finally to southern Florida.


	20. Fitzwilliams

**Fitzwilliams**

**Author's Note: **Must be horrible to have the same names when you're related.

Richard and Darcy were both taking CIA CovOp crash courses. They were practicing their tailing techniques, and for some absurd reason, they had chosen Elizabeth as their subject.

"Someone's following us." Elizabeth crossed the street with Charlotte.

"Richard and Fitzwilliam."

"You mean Richard Fitzwilliam?"

"No, I mean Fitzwilliam and Darcy."

"The Fitzwilliams?"

"N- Yeah. Basicallly."

"Evil stalkers."

"No, I think Darcy likes you."

"Darcy? Likes me? Are you blind? He nearly killed me."

"Good point. Maybe Richard then."

"Or maybe they're assigned to stalk you?" Elizabeth asked.

"Possible. Go around the block and then the second floor of the mall."

Richard and Fitzwilliam were both stalking Elizabeth. Crazy. Annoying. Crazily annoying. Annoyingly Crazy.

"Isn't it our job to tell them they've failed?" Elizabeth asked.

"You have to tell them."

"'kay." Elizabeth turned…and waved. Richard waved back and then joined them.

"When'd you start?" Elizabeth asked.

"About ten blocks back."

"Oh. I noticed about three blocks ago."

"Darn. Tips?"

"Not here!" Elizabeth said.

"Okay. Movie?"

"Sure…if there's anything good."

"What about me?" Charlotte protested. "Hello? Me? Am I non-existent?"

"Well duh you're coming! You're my best friend." Elizabeth put her arm around Charlotte.

"Yay." Charlotte said. Darcy started to walk away. Richard grabbed him.

"You're going too. Or I'll sue you for workaholicism or something."

"Fine. Sue me."

"Wait, there's no point. You'll still be rich as heck."

"Exactly."

The next day, Elizabeth went to the library, knowing the "Fitzwilliams" were going to follow her. Elizabeth tricked them into passing her,

"The H\hunter becomes the hunted." She muttered and then followed them. Elizabeth turned on a minicam which she clipped to her sunglasses. Richard and Darcy looked hilarious trying to find her without anybody noticing. After a few blocks, Elizabeth caught up to them and poked Richard in the arm. He turned and for a split second, looked surprised.

"Fail." Elizabeth said.

"I know. Better luck tomorrow."

"Or you could tail someone else."

"Nah, they say you're the best of the best, so if we beat you, we pass with flying colours."

"Uh huh." Elizabeth nodded.

"Why'd you follow us/ Oh I know, you weren't stalking us. You were following me because of my good looks."

"What?" Elizabeth screeched. "You wish."

"Offended." Richard pretended to be hurt by her reaction. "Darcy agrees with me, right?"

Darcy blinked.

"Anyways, you can't ask people, and you shouldn't look away for a second, it also helps if you have extra tech help. GPS tracker or something."

"Okay. Lunch?" Richard asked.

"Nah." Elizabeth said.

"The CIA made some new rule about if you get discovered by your subject, you have to treat them to something. This'll kill my budget."

"Sure…"

"Anyways, where do you want to go?"

"Across the street for lunch?"

"Cool."

Third day. Unsuccessful. But they were improving. Elizabeth found it challenging to ditch them. Though they were easily discovered. This time, Darcy opened a box and took out a bracelet.

"What in the four dimensions?" Richard exclaimed, speaking Elizabeth's thoughts out loud (worded differently).

"What's with you and bracelets?"

"Whatever, he's just showing off his wealth." Richard snatched the bracelet from Darcy.

"Let's see…diamond, opal, emerald, ruby, topaz, silver, white gold, pearl, jade, amber, sapphire, turquoise…dang." Richard inspected the bracelet. "Where's the blood free certificate thingamajig?"

"The what?" Darcy asked.

"You do know Elizabeth is an advocate for pretty much every mistreated person or animal out there, right?" Charlotte asked.

"Um…yes. I was aware of that fact." Darcy racked his brain. "I'm pretty sure it's fair trade."

"Okay." Elizabeth said. Charlotte took the bracelet. She examined the inside.

"Yeah, it's from that expensive place with the weird fancy name."

Richard took it back.

"'kay. So now we know Elizabeth will wear it. So wear it!" Richard took Elizabeth's arm and slid the bracelet on.

"There."

Later, Elizabeth and Charlotte were alone in Elizabeth's office.

"I think you're right. Richard probably does like me."

"That doesn't matter. Do you like him?"

"You don't like Mr. Collins."

"That's different, mine is a political marriage, plus I need the money. You know my family is in a tricky place." That was true. Charlotte's family members were all really good agents, but as a result, their record was filled with blackmail, kidnappings, and other stuff that put their careers in jeopardy.

"He's okay as a friend."

"Hm."

On the night before the official beginning of the mission, Elizabeth was walking through the halls to the parking lot. Darcy tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hm? You!" Elizabeth turned.

"Yes. Me." Darcy said.

"Really? You're a stalker. You know that, right?"

"And you're not?" Darcy asked with mock surprise.

"Only at work…but I guess you happen to work all the time, so it must be all the same to you. Anyways, what do you want?"

"I'm leaving."

"YES!"

"And they're-"

"Wait a sec, what about the mission? We still need a techie."

"Don't worry, I'll be in Florida."

"Darn. Mary just had to go to that pi convention thingy."

"Actually, the 'pi convention thingy' is called "Pi Memorising Convention For People Who Excel In Mathematics, PMCFPWEIM for short."

"That's really short." Elizabeth said sarcastically.

"I know right? Anyways, they're holding this goodbye party thing for me. Would you like to come?"

"Obviously not."

"Well I invited you politely, but you rudely refused me. Ever hear of etiquette?"

"What the heck? Polite? You?" Elizabeth laughed harshly.

"I'm going to ask you again, would you please come to my goodbye dinner party?"

"Who else is going?"

"Charlotte, Lydia, Richard, some other peoples."

"Oh. In that case, I guess I'll go."

"I can walk you…"

"And I can go jump off the Grand Canyon. I'm going with Charlotte."

"Suit yourself."

Elizabeth walked away, texting Charlotte on her phone.

The "dinner party thingy" finally ended. Why had I agreed to go? Elizabeth asked herself. She was pretty much torturing herself. Charlotte had to go back to work. Richard left to tap some phones for the CIA. Elizabeth left and went to her office to finish some paperwork. Darcy followed her.

Darcy pushed the door open. Elizabeth exploded.

"WHAT THE HECK?"

"I-"

"I guess you pass."

"Will you marry me?"

"What? Are you crazy?"

"I'm being nice. I have a seven digit salary and still be speak to you."

"Speak? You mean argue, right?"

"This is like Snow White, except you weren't even rich in the first place."

"So I'm some poor fragile girl living in a forest with seven dwarfs?"

"Without the seven dwarfs."

"Look. This is a really nice offer. I have a ton of money, and you don't. You don't really have anything."

"Excuse me?"

"I-"

"You think you're nice and charitable and whatever right? Then what do you have to say about Wickham? What about Jane and Bingley?"

"Wickham is wicked evil! Can't you see that?"

"You can't judge people by their appearance!"

"Not his appearance, but-"

"What about Jane? She's on leave because of emotional stress!"

"I prevented Bingley from a huge heart break. It's obvious your sister doesn't like him as much as he thinks she does."

"Ha! That's what you think!"

"Okay, maybe I'm wrong about that…but you don't know the story about Wickham."

"Whatever. JUST GET OUT!" Elizabeth grabbed a book off her shelf and threw it at him. "Read it!" she screamed. (The book was entitled "Etiquette for Young Adults".)

Elizabeth slammed the door behind him. She rattled off a few Shakespearean insults and felt a little bit better. He was a freak. How dare hi insult her during a proposal? At least she wasn't going to see him again after Florida.

Elizabeth went to her office to get her laptop. Something was taped on her door. A letter, a CD, and sheet music…as Richard would put it, what in the four dimensions? She ripped them off the door and grabbed her laptop.

Elizabeth opened the letter on the plane.

Dear Elizabeth,

Please read the entire letter before you place it through the paper shredder or whatever you're going to do with it.

Number One: Concerning Jane & Charles

I seriously thought Jane had no interest in Charles. But you do know her better than I do, so maybe she does like Charles. However, in my defence, she's a really good actor and I had no idea. So I do admit their splitting was my fault.

Number Two: Wickham

You have no idea how evil he is. Wickham went to middle school and high school with me. He was my former best friend. My dad liked him too. My dad had a ton of connections, so he said he could get Wickham into a really good theology college. (Wickham was studying theology.) Then my dad died when I turned 19, and I told him I could call the people for the scholarships to help him through college, but he said no, he wanted to go to law school. I agreed, so I gave him twenty thousand dollars for college. My sister, Georgiana, is a musical genius. When she turned 17, she was asked to play for some touring Broadway musicals, and I agreed. They went to Las Vegas to perform. I got called away on some stuff. They were going to stay there for a week.

I came back on Sunday and went to a casino (for the NSA, I don't gamble voluntarily). I saw Wickham there, I asked him how law school was and why he was here. He said he hadn't gone to law school, but had been in Vegas the whole time! I was going to yell at him, but I got kicked out for winning too much. (I bet you would too. Because it's easy to figure out the probability with a pencil and a ream of paper. Don't worry, I recycled the paper.)

Later, I got to the hotel and saw Georgiana with a baby. This was normal, since Georgiana babysitted occasionally. However, she said this was Wickhan's adopted child, and she was the babysitter, and how Wickham was so nice, and how when she turned 18, they were getting married. (She was high on after-show success energy.) I told her what had happened when I ran into Wickham, but she wouldn't change her mind.

The next day, the energy/hyperactivity had worn off, and she agreed with me, Wickham was not a good person. Wickham disappeared, and left Georgiana with Veronyka. He wasted money, then tried to get money by marrying Georgiana.

I made Georgiana go back to New York, because there's a lot of undercover agents/family friends there. (They were relocated to NY because of 9/11)

Number Three: Etiquette

I admit I haven't been polite. However, you haven't either. I'll return your book when I see you in Florida.

Number Four: The CD & Sheetmusic

No comment.

Number Five: Marriage

I sincerely apologise for offending you. Please accept my apologies.

Number Six: Wedding

I must go to Mr. Colllins wedding. If you would like, I can avoid you.

Number Seven: Everything

Please forgive me for everything I have done to offend you, though I do understand if you can't or won't.

Sincerely,

Fitzwilliam Darcy

Elizabeth reread the letter. She stared at it. Charlotte held out her hand.

"May I?" Elizabeth nodded and gave Charlotte the letter.

"Oh. Wait a sec. He proposed to you?"

"Sort of, during a shouting match."

"Wow. And you obviously rejected him."

Elizabeth nodded and bit her lip.

"But now I actually kind of like him."

"Oh. Poor you."

Charlotte hugged Elizabeth. Elizabeth smiled a tiny bit.

"Oh well, I guess I brought it upon myself."

"You can't say that! So what's the CD and sheet music for?"

"I don't know." Elizabeth looked at the album cover. "Oh wow, that's so like him!" Elizabeth said, pointing at the bottom of the cover:

Music by Fitzwilliam, Georgiana, and Veronyka Darcy

Lyrics by Firzwilliam Darcy

Piano played by Fitzwilliam Darcy

Sung by Fitzwilliam Darcy Charles Bingley because Fitzwilliam Darcy was too embarrassed and shy too busy with work

Charlotte inserted the CD into her laptop.

"What the-?"

"What? We aren't doing anything anyways." Charlotte hit the space bar and the CD started playing.

[The song lyrics have been edited out to prevent traumatizing the audience. If needed, the song can be posted at the risk of scarring the reader from how poorly written it is]

Elizabeth looked at the music again. It didn't seem complete. Charlotte looked at Elizabeth.

"You look terrible." She said softly.

"I'm fine." Elizabeth put on her calm face.

"Liar." Charlotte hugged Elizabeth. "You can call him to accept. You know that."

"But that's not me." Elizabeth said. She opened a very old music writing software her mother had written for her, when Mrs. Bennet had forced Elizabeth to take piano and singing lessons.

"So you want to suffer for the rest of your life?"

"He probably doesn't even like me anymore."

"He's coming to my wedding."

"I know."

"And Florida."

"I know."

"You can read his reactions. You're good at reading people."

"Okay."

"I'm going to call your aunt."

"No!"

"But you need some time to recover."

"Fine. But don't tell her anything. Plus, we can't call on the plane."

"First thing when we land."

"Fine."

San Francisco. Ew, there was about ten prices of blackened gum on the ground per square foot.

"How can there be this much litter? Don't they-"

"Elizabeth, Elizabeth, please, we need to finish this mission, then we can come back here and figure out pollution and stuff." Charlotte said. She flipped open her phone.

"Your aunt." Charlotte said, holding up the phone.

"Hello? Yes. Maybe. Oh, sure! Yay! What? Jane? Okay, see yas." Elizabeth handed the phone back.

"She asked if I was fine, if I really was fine, if I could go to NY after the CovOp, maybe up to Great Lakes too, Jane had gone to the NY HQ! I heard it was awesome, and they were going to put Jane on the line, but the connection failed." Elizabeth explained.

"Lucky." Charlotte said.

At the hotel, Elizabeth opened her laptop and synced the CD onto her MP3 player. Then she opened the file to the mission.

Objective: Collect Information Concerning "The Jackals"

Agents: Richard Fitzwilliam, Elizabeth Bennet, Charlotte Doyle

Status: N/A

After a laborious day of bribing, blackmailing, favours and occasional badge flashing, the team had gotten as much information as they could possibly get. Elizabeth entered all the information into the computer. She wondered how long it would've taken Darcy to enter all the data. After typing in the last bit, she hit Save. Charlotte came into the room with a tray.

"Hot chocolate?"

"Sure." Elizabeth closed her laptop.

"Tomorrow is Alaska, then the wedding. Yipes."

"You could always-"

"No I can't. It's like how you can't just call Darcy and accept."

"Oh. I see."

"How many times have you played tha- ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY THREE? What, have you been listening to Darcy's song for the entire day?"

"Pretty much. But it's incomplete. Plus it's Bingley's voice."

"Well- never mind."

"I'm going to finish the song and- I don't know."

"Give Darcy a copy?"

"No! Actually…maybe. I'm not sure."

"Whatever, we still have a bit of time. Do you want a marshmallow?"

"Of course."


	21. Pre Wedding

**Pre-Wedding**

Alaska had been…cold. The temperature had been forty below zero. But they were in Hawai'i now. The wedding was tomorrow. Charlotte was busy with last minute preparations.

"Lizzie! Help!"

"What is it now?" Elizabeth asked.

"The rhyme thing! Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe!"

"The wedding dress is new, right? Don't you have that sapphire engagement necklace thing he gave you? And that old antique hairpin. And I guess you'll have to borrow something. The sixpence thing doesn't make any sense, but I do happen to have one." (The author used a sapphire necklace in the story, because in the author's opinion, garters are just weird!)

"Seriously? You have a silver sixpence?

"You're supposed to borrow something from a married friend…but you're the first to get married."

"Hm. What about Lillian?"

"I barely know her, but I guess it would work."

"Thanks! Sorry, I'm just so frazzle by all this wedding hoopla. Don't worry, you can drive me crazy when- if um- sorry, sorry, I just forgot."

"It's okay. I'm going to drive you crazy if I get married."

"So annoying. The news people and paparazzi are going to be there, because my dad got knighted by the Queen of England, but then moved here, and now his daughter is marrying a US political figure, blah blah blah."

"I know, right?"

"He says he's going to run for president when he's old enough, which means I'll have to be First Lady and oh my gosh."

"How do you know he's going to win? Oh yeah, he has tons of connections, huh. But he has, like ZERO brains."

Charlotte's phone rang three different ringtones simultaneously.

"Thank goodness I didn't put it on vibrate, or else my phone probably'd explode."

Elizabeth glanced at the screen.

"The caterers, flower arrangers, and your fiancé."

"Tell Collins he can go get married without me."

"How's that even possible?"

"I don't know. But this is driving me crazy. I'm going to sleep."

Elizabeth answered the phone.

"Sorry, the person you are trying to contact is currently unavailable. Please hang up and redial later or leave a message after the beep. Beep. Or donate a hundred dollars to the nearest animal shelter." Elizabeth said in a robotic voice. The caterers and flower arrangers hung up.

"Heya cuz whatever times removed. Forgot. Where's Charlotte?"

"She's somewhere."

"Just tell her it'll all be over tomorrow night, and that I love her. Tell her to call me back later. I hope when you get married, your marriage is as perfect as mine."

"Okay." Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Well see ya tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye."


	22. The Wedding

**The Wedding**


	23. Post Wedding

**Post-Wedding**

**Author's Note: **The author really hates all those religion arguments and blah, so the author tends to avoid anything involving religion. The last chapter was intentionally left blank for this reason.

The wedding ended. (The author skipped describing the wedding because really, nobody wants to read all that stuff about until death do you part blah blah blah.) Charlotte crashed onto the bed. Elizabeth sat down next to her.

"Finally."

"I know, that was so freakishly long."

"I'm never getting married again."

"Well duh!"

"You get the point."

"So what does it feel like to be married?"

"Exactly the same. Except whenever the cameras are around, I have to call him honey and all that stuff."

"Poor you."

"I'm going to adopt five kids, just to mess with the public."

"Wow. Charlotte."

"What? I bet you'd do that too."

"Touché."

"Anyways, I need to get out of this annoying dress and the hairpins are killing me."

"There, last one." Elizabeth pulled the last pin out of Charlotte's hair.

"Thanks. I wish I could go with you to the Great Lakes."

"Where are you going?"

"France. For the honeymoon. Annoying annoying annoying."

"Cool. Take some pictures for me."

"It's not like I'm going to have anything else to do. This stuff is just for the public."

"Collins doesn't thinks so."

"Well too bad for him. Collins can just go jump off the moon and explode from lack of air pressure."

(The author will end this conversation before the reader starts getting weird ideas about some messed up stuff.)

Darcy hit the "Enter" key. He had had it fixed immediately. There were virtually no pictures of Elizabeth, so he had nothing except the e-mail she had sent him. NSA agents were supposed to change their e-mails every two weeks, but Darcy kept his because maybe, just maybe, Elizabeth would e-mail him. He had been working more often than usual, to keep his mind off…everything.


	24. DIE DARCY!

**DIE DARCY!**

Elizabeth arrived in Florida. Finally. (Quick background info, Elizabeth was born in Florida, the CIA HQ where she works is close to/in Florida. The exact location is obviously top secret.) Instead of a hotel, they were staying at Catherine DeBourough's house (For all you Pride and Prejudice freaks out there, it was purposely spelled differently). The entire house…mansion was filled with the latest technology. The doors were voice activated open by a very original catch phrase…open sesame. (For those who think open sesame was just a random phrase, go look up some information on sesame.) The room was filled with monitors and computers. Images were projected all over the ground. The ceiling was covered with a web of wires in the pattern of a dreamcatcher. Catherine welcomed them.

"Hello! I presume you're Miss Bennet?"

"Yes." Elizabeth answered.

"And Miss Lucas, congratulations on your marriage. Richard you haven't visited in such a long time, I took the liberty to send some servants up to clean your room. Would you like to meet my temporary assistant?"

Darcy stepped out from behind a computer cart and removed his mask. He was holding a miniature arc welder.

"Hello. I do believe…we've met before."

"I believe so too." Elizabeth said.

"Would you like to meet my daughter? She's working, but maybe-" Catherine went off to find her daughter.

"Don't mind her. World's worst show-off. I have to put up with her because I'm her blood nephew."

Charlotte interrupted.

"I'm going to use the bathroom."

"And I'm going to see how much the Cat messed up my room." Richard said, walking off.

"Charlotte…" Elizabeth said.

"I really need to go to the bathroom." Charlotte said. "And away from certain people who quarrel."

"Okay. Whatever. Nephew, daughter, what is this? A family reunion I just walked in on? Who am I going to meet next? Her husband? Father? Mother? Her cousin's sister's second cousin twice removed?"

Darcy laughed.

"Oh my gosh. Darcy laughed. Call the insane asylum! He must be losing it!"

"No. She's just a snob who likes bragging and showing off. Then she feigns generosity."

"Like some people I know. Must run in the family."

"Does not!"

"Whatever you say." Elizabeth saw Catherine coming back on one of the screens, so she stopped arguing. Or at least that was her excuse.

"I'm sorry, but my daughter is currently working on a top secret invention." Catherine said, not sounding the least bit apologetic.

"See what I mean?" Darcy muttered.

"Yes." Elizabeth whispered back.

"Anyways. I'll get one of the servants to show you to your room." Catherine clapped her hands and a servant appeared.

Elizabeth took a breath. The woods. Clean fresh air. Her job was to locate the panthers in the area and make sure the poachers didn't actually get them. They were using the panthers as bait, the CIA needed the poachers for some serious questioning. Usually, the CIA left poaching to the environmental agencies, but these poachers were rumoured to be involved in several schemes to bomb the White House. Charlotte was circling very high up, out of sight. Darcy was setting up the traps. Richard was monitoring from the Charlotte's helicopter. Everything was peaceful. Then Elizabeth saw a panther heading toward a trap. She ran toward the panther's GPS dot.

Darcy was confused. He heard a noise coming toward him, but the poachers weren't expected now. A person broke through the foliage with a dart in their hand and the panther. Darcy pulled out his tranquilliser and shot. An explosion. Wait…it was the wrong gun. This one was real. Darcy fumbled through his pocket for the tranquilliser and shot three times with it. All heck broke loose. Chaos. People appeared out of nowhere, bullets flew across the forest. After everything calmed down, Darcy realized something. He had died.

(JK. But you shouldn't be surprised if he had. Because with all those bullets, it was a miracle he hadn't even been grazed.)

Elizabeth had been about to intercept the panther. She had a tranquilliser dart in her hand. Then something exploded and her right arm felt like it was on fire. Elizabeth saw Wickham in the bushes, grinning like a maniac with a gun. (Which was exactly what he was.) The last thing Lizzie saw was the 15- pound panther falling on her.

The first person had been Elizabeth. How could he have been so dumb, Darcy thought while he helped Charlotte pick up all the unconscious poachers (and terrorists). One of them was Wickham. Charlotte left to take them to the CIA HQ for questioning. Darcy gently rolled the tranquillised cat off of Elizabeth. There was blood everywhere. Darcy shook Elizabeth.

"Ow." She mumbled and stirred.

"Elizabeth. Are you okay?"

"What do you think." Her speech was still clear.

"Can you sit?"

"I don't- owwwww."

Darcy moved a rock behind Elizabeth and put his coat on it.

"Lean on it. I'm going to see how your arm is."

Elizabeth moved into an upright position.

"Wickham." She whispered.

"I know. Shhh."

"He's a poacher?"

"Shh." From what Darcy saw, he concluded the bullet must have hit the bracelet, then ricocheted off the bracelet, and carved a path across Elizabeth's arm. The bracelet had melted at one point and quite a few of the stones had shattered. Darcy carefully removed the bracelet.

"Charlotte's going to be back really soon."

"Okay."

Elizabeth was still losing a lot of blood. Darcy took out a pair of tweezers and painstakingly took out every last bit of shattered stone. Then he cleaned the wound and wrapped about half a roll of bandages around Lizzie' arm.

"I'm not sure if that's all of it. You're going to a real doctor after this."

Elizabeth stared at him with a hollow look in her eyes, like a frightened animal. Her eyes were filled with tears of pain.

"You-"

"I know. I shot you. It was an accident. There was too much confusion- wait. This isn't even an excuse. I'm sorry. Really. I'll do anything to make it up to you. I think you might have broken your wrist."

"You mean…you think you might have…broken….my wrist."

Darcy got a message from Charlotte. He showed the screen to Elizabeth.

Need 2 refuel

B there asap

Elizabeth sat there. Silent. Darcy dug through the first aid/emergency kit.

"Do you want aspirin of painkillers or something?" he asked.

Elizabeth turned away from him.

"Elizabeth. Please. Answer me."

"No."

It was getting colder. Darcy wrapped a blanket around Elizabeth.

"Sing." Elizabeth whispered. Absently, he started singing softly to her. The hollow look of fear in her eyes was gone now. She had no expression on her face. None at all. If it was anybody else, Darcy would have thought they were in shock. But this was a highly trained CIA operative, so she could be hiding anything under the No Expression Mask. Anger. Fear. Pain. Charlotte's helicopter appeared over them. She landed in the clearing.

"Good thing this thing does vertical landings, or else I would've flattened half the forest, and then Elizabeth would kill me later. Elizabeth, how are you?"

"Fine."

"Okay. Dumb question."

"Duh."

"Okay. Elizabeth, I'm going to help you get up." Charlotte helped Elizabeth onto the helicopter.


	25. Darcy's Departure

**A short chapter about Darcy's not-so-mysterious sudden departure**

Darcy asked Catherine for a pilot and a plane. He needed to get out of there. Away from everything. He told the pilot to just fly around the East coast. The pilot had looked at him as if he was crazy, but agreed, since he was paid a lot of money to listen to Catherine.


	26. NY

**NY**

Elizabeth was on a plane to New York. Charlotte had left to go to France. Darcy was just…gone. But maybe that was better. Something nagged the back of her mind. What if Darcy was like the other people who killed because they were mad at someone for refusing to marry them? This scared her. But something else was worse, Wickham had escaped.

Elizabeth checked her e-mail. And freaked.

"No! How-oh my-snap-freak-heck-space monkey-flying Himalayan yeti." Elizabeth cursed (None of this has been censored, the random expletives were not euphemisms. She uses strange curses because of her eccentric dad).

"This stinks worse than a five day old egg fried on the sidewalk in the Sahara desert."

To: .;

From: .;

Subject: Bennet & Wickham Marriage

Friend! Good news! Wickham is going 2 marry me! We're going 2 somewhere IDK

3

Soon 2 b Lydia Wickham

"Darcy! I need Darcy's e-mail!" Elizabeth dug through her messages.

Bcc: Mary .; Jane .; Kitty .; Isabel .; .gov;

Subject: Fwd: Bennet & Wickham Marriage

Lydia's getting married to Wickham! They're getting married in secret! Help!

Liz

.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.

What we claim to save today was wasted yesterday. What we waste today is stolen from tomorrow.

Forwarded Message:

Friends! Good news! Wickham is going 2 marry me! We're  
>going 2 somewhere IDK<p>

3

Soon 2 b Lydia Wickham

Elizabeth clicked "Send". Snap, Darcy probably already got a new e-mail. Oh well.

Darcy stared at the message. The first thought that popped into his mind was: Elizabeth and Wickham are getting married? The second was: Should I open it? Darcy decided he had to open it. The truth was going to be the truth, whether he knew it or not. He clicked it and nearly died from relief, but still, it wasn't good news. Darcy changed his e-mail address and sent the new address to Elizabeth. But how was the marriage possible? Wickham had just been apprehended. He clicked "Reply".

To: Elizabeth .

From: .gov

Subject: Re: Fwd: Bennet & Wickham Marriage

Elizabeth,

This is all my fault! I should have told everyone about Wickham, but I was too worried about the shame it would have brought upon my sister. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry about the bullet, Mary should have went.

Fitzwilliam Darcy of the NSA

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Everything's possible. The impossible just takes longer.

An update e-mail popped up in his Inbox. Wickham had escaped. Well that information would have been useful about, ten hours ago.

Various replies popped up in Elizabeth's inbox. Most of them about maybe, they really were getting married. Others asked if the information was reliable. She replied and said yes, the information was reliable, and no, they probably wouldn't be getting married. Wickham would probably just hold her for ransom. Then she opened Darcy's. She ignored it. She wasn't emotionally ready to do anything about it. Her MP3 player accidentally went off, playing through her playlist. For some strange reason, Elizabeth still felt she needed to finish the song, even if nobody was ever going to see it.

To: .;

From: .;  
>Subject: Bennet &amp; Wickham Wedding<p>

We r getting married in a small church in his hometown  
>I no u can't come<p>

Elizabeth was suspicious. Wickham hadn't ever looked like he even remotely liked Lydia. Elizabeth forwarded the message again. She had also gotten a message from her aunt and uncle that they were not going to the Great Lakes. They would just be touring NY city,

Mr. Gardiner had left to find Lydia, so it was just the three ladies. Mrs. Gardiner took them to the Empire State Building, the ex-Twin Towers, Statues of Liberty and Rockefeller centre.

"I can get us tickets to Broadway." Mrs. Gardiner said.

"Okay." Jane said. "Lizzy, you pick, I've been to…like ten."

"What's good?"

"Forgot what it's called. But the music was magical." Jane said.

"Okay. We can go to that one, if you don't mind rewatching it."


	27. Defacing Walls

**Defacing Walls**

The musical ended. Mrs. Gardiner took them to meet the cast and crew. Most of the people were really talkative. There was one beautiful young lady off to the side. One of the actors dragged her over.

"Come on Georgiana, meet your fans."

"This is…"

"Elizabeth. Your music is wonderful!" Elizabeth said.

"Thanks. Bennet? My brother calls you the cat lady or something." Once she realized it was someone her brother knew, Georgiana became less shy.

"I know, he said it to Bingley. Literally behind my back."

"He's a good person, just annoyed, because our parents died on a CovOp and he blames the CIA."

"Oh."

"You want to tour my penthouse? It's pretty much a point of interest now. People take pictures in front of it. Claiming they've been to the Great Musicians' apartment. But they don't get the inside tour. Bring them too."

"I'm not sure…"

"I heard about you and my brother. He's not here right now."

"In that case…I guess…"

The Darcy's penthouse was huge. They had a grand piano in the living room.

"How'd you get it in?"

"Knocked down a few walls, got a crane." She laughed at the look on their faces. "Kidding. It was already here. Our parents rented it because of the piano."

"Who's the nice-looking man under the photo of your brother?"

"That's Wickham. School friend of his. But they had a fight, Darcy's not home much, he didn't remove it, and I'm not sure if I should."

Elizabeth looked at the picture and pure anger boiled through her. She ripped the photo off the wall. Georgiana blinked.

"Well…if you had told me, I could have taken it down in a less…angerified manner."

"Sorry. But I have aLOT against him."

"So does Fitz. Partly my fault. Not sure if he told you the whole story."

The door opened. Darcy was back.

"I thought you said-" Elizabeth looked around for the nearest exit.

"I didn't know." Georgiana looked just as surprised as them. Veronyka ran through the room.

"Yay! Elizabeth and uncle!" (Note: That was translated from little kid talk, it actually sounded more like libby and unk.)

"She just woke up from her nap." The housekeeper apologized.

"No worries." Darcy said, then looked at Elizabeth. "So, I see you are defacing my walls."

"Forgive me, I just hate this photo." Elizabeth said in a posh voice.

"Oh, I should have taken that down a _long_ time ago. Throw it in the paper shredder."

"Which is-"

"This way." The housekeeper led her away. (Okay, more accurately, the apartmentkeeper, but that takes longer for the author to type.)

"He's such a nice person, don't you think? When he was young, he would volunteer and donate and fundraise for who knows how many non-profit organisations."

"Really?"

"Really. But of course the death of their parents came down hard on them. So young."

"I see."

Elizabeth put the photo through the paper shredder. Then she went back to the living room.

"Elizabeth and I need to go out." Darcy said. "Wait, that didn't come out right. Elizabeth, could you step outside for a moment?"

"How long is a 'moment'?"

"Half an hour…"

"I'm really tired. How about tomorrow?"

"Fine. But I'm holding your book of etiquette hostage, and you'll have to get it back sometime."


	28. The Author's Understudy

22:30

**NOTE: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS WRITTEN BY THE AUTHOR'S UNDERSTUDY, BECAUSE THE AUTHOR SERIOUSLY CAN'T STAND THE SAPPY ROMANCE STUFFS**

Elizabeth knocked on the Darcy's door. Jane and her aunt had gone to tour Times Square (not sure how much there is to tour, but whatever.)

"Hello Elizabeth. Here's your book." Darcy held out the book.

"Is that all? You made me climb all those stairs just to get a book that I could buy for ten bucks online?"

"You could have used the elevator."

"It was full."

"So you were so eager to get here, you wouldn't wait for an elevator."

"What? You know how long it take-"

"Anyways, Georgiana said that after nearly killing you twice, I need to take you on my version of a tour of NYC."

"Okay, since Jane ditched me."

"That was nice."

"Yes. And after this, we're going all the way to the top of the Statue of Liberty." (In this story, the crown is still closed to the public from 9/11.)

"I thought it closed after 9/11."

"To the public. A little money and connections can get you anywhere."

Elizabeth and Darcy were eating lunch.

"You mean a lot of money."

"Same difference."

"Not to me."

"Well too bad for you. Waiter! Check please!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying you're poorer than me."

"No. I'm not!" That was just pure defiance, everybody knows Elizabeth doesn't have anywhere near as much as what the Darcys do. The waiter placed the bill on the table. Darcy picked it up. Elizabeth snatched it away.

"I'm paying."

"No. I'll pay."

"W-"

"It's cash only."

"So?"

"Look at it." Darcy was exasperated.

Elizabeth looked at the bill…two hundred fifty…each. She took out her wallet and pulled out five one hundred dollar bills. (What was she doing, carrying that much money? It's a big city thing, if you want last minute tickets to anything, you pretty much always have to pay cash upfront.)

"Don't tell me what I can and can't afford."

"That's about half a week's worth of work, just for a lunch."

"I'm out of here." Elizabeth left the money on the table and left. The waiter had no idea what to do.

"Um sir? Would you like to take the receipt to the lady? Or…" The waiter held up the receipt.

"What?" Darcy growled.

"Sorry sir, the receipt…but-I- erm…"

"Sorry. I'll take it." Darcy took the receipt and followed Elizabeth. It was a good thing that each table was partially closed off, or otherwise, that would have induced major staring from the rest of the people in the restaurant.

"You can't take the subway!" Darcy said to Elizabeth.

"Why not? Isn't it a world famous public transportation system?"

"Yes, about eighty years ago, it was cool. Not so much now."

"You mean when you were young."

"How old do you think I am?"

"Some fifty year old geek hitting on a twenty year old." (The author apologises to anyone who freaked out from reading that. Because it's probably the worst sentence in this whole story. Though if you did freak out from that, you might need to see a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. Or a therapist. Or a psychotherapist, 'cause there's going to be a lot of worse language and ideas in modern society. Unless you're under…around eight, then it's perfectly acceptable for you to be freaking out. Except if you're under eight, the author doubts you even understand this.)

"Excuse me? I'm twenty too!"

"Never heard of a twenty year old workaholic."

"Okay. If you seriously want to take the subway. Here." Darcy gave her his public transportation card.

The subway was full enough that all the seats were taken, but there was still a lot of standing room. The train lurched forward, Darcy instinctively reached out to grab Elizabeth's arm as she nearly flew across the train. (CIA training and all that.)

"Ow. Thanks." She muttered.

"See?"

"Okay. I'm getting off next station."

They exited the subway station. Elizabeth saw a group of people raising money for Japan. (Completely OOC, the author just remembered this, Charlotte threw her bouqet, and Jane caught it. Jane was extremely surprised, and it was extremely awkward, blah blah blah since Bingley poofed blah blah blah.)

"Hiyas!"

"We're raising money- wait are you Elizabeth?"

"And you are?"

"Anne DeBourough. Adopted child of Catherine DeBourough. Don't tell her I'm here. She thinks charity work is completely and utterly pointless. Even though I have a prosthetic leg."

Darcy wordlessly handed Elizabeth a hundred dollar bill. Elizabeth put it in the donation box.

"Oh, and if my mother acls, try not to answer. She's got some crazy idea about…it's better if you don't know."

"Okay." Elizabeth left.

"I owe you a hundred dollars." She said to Darcy. _And I owe you two hundred and fifty._ He thought.

Elizabeth got a call from Mrs. DeBourough. She probably had gotten Elizabeth's number through some hacking.

"I heard Darcy took you out to lunch today."

"Stalker much?"

"A little bird told me." Somehow, Mrs. DeBourough had hacked the phone and made it impossible to hang up.

"One of the pigeons in Central Park?" she asked sarcastically.

"I'm currently in NY. Fitzwilliam is going to propose to my daughter."

"What the-"

"So don't you _dare_ say yes if he proposes to you. Fat chance though. Just forget about him and ignore him."

"Why shouldn't I say yes? Why should I ignore him? He's right next to me. And why the heck did you call me about this?"

"Hand him the phone and leave. Remember, I'm watching you…" STALKER! Elizabeth handed Darcy the phone and left. Not because Mrs. DeBourough had said so, but because she was so furious. As she left, she overheard Darcy say, "Yes. Okay. NO! I DON'T WANT TO MARRY HER! No, of course not. I- what the…"

The next day, Elizabeth packed up, ready to leave. She'd have to get a new phone. It would be impossible for her to go to the Darcys if it meant risking running into Mrs. DeBourough. Or even worse, if Miss Bingley randomly popped up. Miss Bingley had e-mailed her, asking if Darcy had proposed yet and that she was in New York too. Elizabeth had replied no. Then Miss Bingley started bragging about how they were going to be _so_ rich, since Mr. Bingley was going to propose to Georgiana, and she was going to marry Darcy. Elizabeth thought that if Darcy was your average poor homeless person, Miss Bingley wouldn't have even bothered to notice him.

Darcy was disgusted by Miss Bingley. She was flirting with him like crazy. He ditched her and went home. What happened? Did invisible aliens invade and create some extraterrestrial radiation that caused girls' hormones to go crazy or something? Mrs. DeBourough's daughter wasn't related to him by blood, but it would still be weird marrying your adopted cousin. Mrs. DeBourough tried a guilt trip about how her daughter, Anne, had disabilities and how he wouldn't marry her because of that. And how he was so overly proud and coldhearted. Darcy shook that out of his head and called Elizabeth. The phone in his pocket rang. Oh snap, he still had her phone. Richard flew a plane over to rescue him from Mrs. DeBourough and Miss Bingley. Of course, Miss Bingley had called for a plane immediately after Darcy left.

"I'm going to see how Lizzie's doing. And some stuff on a potential new terrorist cell." Richard announced.

"Do you…like her?" Darcy asked cautiously.

"Like? Or like like? Or like like like? Or like hate? Or hate like?"

"Erm. Could you repeat that?"

"Me and the Liz have gone through this conversation already."

"What did the Li- Elizabeth say about it?"

"It doesn't matter, but she has too much stuff on her record. It'd ruin mine, and then where would we be? I mean she has blackmail, kidnapping, and who knows what else? I have an impeccable record. That's how I manage to manage CovOps."

"But besides that…"

"I like her, not the way you like her though. You know, you she could still like like you."

"No chance."

"Seriously. Or I can drop you off at the Bingleys…but just a note of caution, Miss Bingley's-"

"Nah. I'll go to the Bennets."

Elizabeth opened the door.

"Oh hi Richard. And Darcy…"

"Hello."

"Come inside for tea."

The coffee table was covered with an assortment of tools and metal.

"Sorry about the mess."

"How's your arm?" Richard asked. He helped Elizabeth clear off the table.

"It's healing okay." Elizabeth picked up the mangled bracelet and looked at it for awhile, then threw it in the trash. She could get it out later, but the bracelet plus Darcy was too much. (It's complicated, you have to live something similar to know why the bracelet and Darcy messed up her emotions and thinking etc.) Darcy had no idea what to say, besides,

"You owe me a hundred dollars." Elizabeth set the tray of tea onto the table.

"And you owe me my phone."

Darcy took the phone out of his pocket and gave it to her.

"Here." Elizabeth took out five twenties and threw them at Darcy. Richard got a weird expression on his face.

"I have to leave. Terrorists can wait until later."

"Why?"

"Because. I can't stand lovers quarreling."

"What? Me and Darcy are not in love!"

Richard just smirked and left.

"What the heck? He- I- what- anyways, don't you need to leave too? You know, you wasted a ton of fuel flying all the way down here."

Darcy picked up the money. He threw the dollar bills back at her.

"I don't care about the money. You can keep it."

"Then-"

"I heard you talking to Aunt Cat."

"Yeah…so? I heard you refusing to marry someone."

"Miss Bingley."

"Anne's happy. She doesn't want to marry me. I mean even though we are not related by blood, it is still really awkward."

"So you're still going to be a bachelor."

"I'm getting my PhD soon."

"You know what I mean. Anyways, why are you here? I thought you'd go to the Bingleys."

"Um. I will. Later. I came by to see how you're doing." Darcy reached into his laptop bag (yes, he carries it nearly everywhere) and took out a blu ray disk.

"I have the movie version of Georgiana's musical."

"Since when was it Georgiana's musical."

"Okay technically it isn't, but she wrote ninety percent of the music and acted in it seventy six times." Elizabeth took the blu ray disk and put it in the DVD/VCR/CD/etc. player.

"The music isn't all that great."

"That's why they hired Georgiana."

"Hm. And not because you happen to be part of the illuminati."

"That too." Darcy took a strand of Elizabeth's hair to braid it, but Elizabeth immediately moved away.

"But the movie has some awesome parts that got edited out."

"It's hard to have all the props on one stage. Especially for the touring version."

"Good point."

Elizabeth opened her bag and took out a comb. She handed it to Darcy.

"Did they put you on medications?" Darcy asked out of pure curiosity.

"Nope. I just lost a lot of blood."

"I'm sorry."

"It was an accident…right?"

"You think I would deliberately try to kill you?"

"I know I would."

"Sure…"

"So did you try to kill me?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Because I rejected you. Duh."

Elizabeth picked up her phone and scrolled through her texts. Mr. Gardiner had gone to the wedding. Lydia and Wickham were officially married, but who had bailed him? Mr. Gardiner must have rigged won the lottery to afford bailing someone out of CIA jail. Lydia had asked why Darcy had been to her wedding, but not Elizabeth. Elizabeth asked Darcy.

"Why'd you go to Lydia's wedding?"

"I bailed Wickham out of jail. Cost me three months of pay and a lot of favors. So I had a right to go to the wedding."

"I talked to the CIA. They said if Wickham and Lydia go Hollywood or something, they can keep an eye on Wickham. I'm paying for his road to fame."

"Why?"

"Because. She's your sister." Darcy said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Exactly. So why help her?"

Elizabeth turned off the screen when the credits started scrolling.

"I thought it might make you…like me more."

"Like you more? You shouldn't have flown all the way here for a hundred dollars and a phone."

"I didn't. I flew here to ask you something, but I think I already know the answer."

"What's the question?"

"I know the answer. You just told Richard."

"I was just annoyed with him. Like playing tug of war. When you pull too hard and fall over?"

"So I'll be going now…"

Darcy tucked a bit of Elizabeth's hair under another braid and pinned it down (the author just appeared for a brief moment, and has no idea where Darcy got the pin from).

"Hey, are you a part time hairstylist or something?"

"No…yes. When Georgiana was acting, I did her hair."

"Who played piano then?"

"Me."

"Oh duh."

Art jumped onto Darcy's lap.

"Cat stealer."

"well since there's no one else here, I guess I'll kill you and steal your cat."

"What?" There was fear in her eyes. (It's not known if it was genuine or not.)

"Sorry. I was kidding. Bad joke."

"Oh."

Darcy picked up one of the twenty dollars. He folded it into a ring.

"Then I guess there's only one other option."

"What's that?"

"Marry me."

"No."

"Oh."

"You can't propose to me when you're on the couch, and me on the ground."

"So…?"

"Did you even bother to read that book I threw at you?"

"You're crazy. Like your father."

"My father's not crazy. My mother is. And she only cares about money, social class, and beauty."

"Not really."

"Everyone says I'm like my father, so I do take offence when people say he's crazy."

"Not really. You're like your mother too." (HA! Mrs. Bennet gets redeemed.)

"How so?"

"Your mother almost always ends up getting what she wants. Though in a twisted way."

"Like Lydia."

"And you. But not in such a twisted way."

"N-"

"Your mother probably could've married anyone, but she married your father. Why?"

"She's crazy."

"He's not rich of anything. He's a mad genius."

"The opposite of you."

"Hey! Anyways, your mother does have five children. And she does like your father."

"That's what you think."

"I'm just saying. None of you are adopted."

"But she doesn't care about us."

"She does, more than you think. She thinks money makes people happy, and she wants you to be happy."

"Whatever." Elizabeth moved up onto the couch. Darcy picked up Art and placed her on Elizabeth's lap. Then he got down on his knees.

"Now can I propose to you?"

"Sure…but that doesn't mean I'll say yes."

"Will you marry me? Ugh…whatever. This is a hopeless cause." Darcy said, disgusted.

"Oh, so you whatever me during a proposal?"

"You know you're driving me crazy."

"Yes."

Darcy got up and onto the couch.

"Do you enjoy driving people crazy?"

"No. Just you."

"Why?" Darcy stood back and sat down on the couch.

"Why do you offend me?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly."

Darcy put his arms around her.

"Nyagh!" Elizabeth protested, but didn't move. "You're messing up my hair."

"Sorry." Darcy said.

"You're not sorry."

"And you don't care about your hair."

"Oh shush."

"I guess I'll be leaving then, since I'm messing up your hair."

"Okay then…wait…oh my gosh, you don't ever joke, but then you, geesh, you're terrible at comedy." Elizabeth shifted and got up.

"Liz-"

Elizabeth started playing the piano. She played out the revised version of the song. Darcy walked over.

"This isn't the best part." Elizabeth said. "Look at the lyrics." Elizabeth pointed at the lyrics scrolling along the bottom of the touch screen placed on the piano stand:

[SONG REMOVED FOR BENEFIT OF READER]

Darcy and Elizabeth sang through the song once.

"So will you marry me?"

"Hm…you must be blind or deaf or something."

"So…?"

The door opened. Mr. Bennet walked in.

"Hi Lizzie! And the guy who tried to murder my daughter twice. Hello evil serial killer!"

"Hello."

"I need to talk to my father for a second."

"Okay…"

Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet walked into the nearest room and shut the door.

"So…from what I've noticed, the serial killer is proposing to you."

"Yes. Basically."

"Do you want me to kick him out?"

"No."

"Do you want to marry him?"

"Would you want me to?"

"It doesn't matter. Your mother and I both think you should choose. Even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes."

"Then yes. I would like to marry him."

"Then I give you my consent."

"Yays. Thanks."

Elizabeth joyfully walked out of the room.

"So will you marry me?"

"I've answered twice already."

"Okay okay." Darcy took her hand and put the ring on. "I'm going to go get you a proper ring." He got up to leave. Elizabeth followed.

"What?"

"Hello? It's going to be my ring? Don't I get to choose?"

"I guess then."

Elizabeth picked up the money and gave it to him, along with the paper ring.

"it doesn't matter anyways now, right? Plus cash is useless, I have credit cards at legendary levels."

"Are you completely clueless or something? It's not for you, it's for you to donate along the way." (Okay, that is the only part where Darcy isn't completely clueless, pretty much nobody would've thought of that.)

"So I just hand out money to random hobos."

"Basically, yeah."

"Okay…I'm going to let you do that, since I don't really get it."

Elizabeth had gotten another bracelet instead of a ring. She wanted to have the old mangled bracelet made into a ring. Darcy had agreed.

"So when do you want the wedding?"

"Do we have to have a wedding?"

"Um…yes?"

:Then I go back on the engagement."

"Why are you against weddings?"

"Charlotte's was TERRIBLE."

"But hers was different."

"It's still going to be stuffy and boring and annoying."

"We can revamp it. Kill the traditional stuff. Scratch the annoying parts out. Add whatever you'd like. Georgiana can play the music. But you are being terribly picky about getting married."

"It's my life decision! And I'm not a divorcing kind of person. You know what? I go back on this whole marriage thing completely."

"You're just messing with me right? Because I-"

"No I'm not. I just remembered something."

"You-"

"I don't care. It's not fair for Jane or Charles."

"Lizzie. Lizzie. Please."

"It's Elizabeth-"

"Elizabeth. I said I was sorry."

"Sorry's not going to cut it."

"Then what?"

"We're going to rig their marriage."

'Liz- Elizabeth I said you were crazy, but this is crazier than crazy. It's insanity to the infiniteth power. It's not even computable."

"Emotions aren't computable." Elizabeth had a mad glint in her eyes. "If I'm crazy, then so be it. But they're going to thank me. And I have a few questions for you…since I couldn't find them on your profile. And not through hacking either."

"Fire away."

"Number one. How many girlfriends have you had so far?"

"Uhm. Zero? Besides you…?"

"That's nice. Why? Did they all hate you?"

"No. I hated all of them."

"Number two. Your opinion on children and animals."

"Whatever you say goes. We can adopt five million if you wish."

"Number three. How do I know you're not going to poof on me?"

"I'm sorry. Seriously, I promise I'll never randomly abruptly leave again. And if it wasn't for this Jane and Charles thing, would you still-"

"Yes. I'd still question you, but to make it even worse, I'd probably walk out on you on the wedding day."

"Hey! I do the walking out on people here!"

"Number four. What would you do if I quit my job and made you do all the work?"

"That's the reason I'm marrying you, because you're not like all the other girls, who'll probably just use my money, then cheat on me."

"Why would anybody cheat on you:? You hace everything, brains, good looks, and money. Though you have an EQ of negative twelve."

"Where have I heard that before?"

"Anyways, rigging the marriage."

"Your whole family's crazy."

"Well guess what? If you're lucky, you can become part of this 'crazy' family."

"That's nice to know."

"So…where have you been hiding Mr. Bingley?"

"I have not been 'hiding him'."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, "Oh, he just disappeared on his own?"

"Government agents can't let their emotions prevent them from- it was because- if Jane walked out- crash- he wou-" Darcy tried to think up a really good excuse.

"Oh, in that case, I wouldn't want to mess with your emotions and job."

"Lizzy- Elizabeth."

"Hypocrite. Oh, and I quote you want to marry someone who's 'beautiful, smart, rich, kind, a certified hacker, at least your level of security clearance which by the way is pretty low, with mad ninja skills. No fault at all.' Guess what? I'm none of that."

"You're beautiful, smart, will be rich, kind, uncertified hacker."

"You change too much. How do I know this isn't all a lie?"

"Just a few minutes ago, you agreed to marry me."

"That was the 'a few minutes ago' you."

"You hate the world and the CIA. Then you say you love me. Then you- I don't even know."

"Same with you."

"See? A second ago, you said whatever I said goes. Now you're insulting me."

"That doesn't mean you can insult me however you want."

"Okay. Whatever." Elizabeth threw up her hands. She got up.

"L- Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Please."

"Begging doesn't work on me."

"I know."

"When did you stop hating me?"

"When did you stop hating me?"

"I never did."

"Me too."

"The stop hating part. Kidding. But you were a scapegoat, everyone needs an enemy."

"But now you don't have one."

"Oh sure I do. All the people who litter, Wickham, the list goes on."

"So are you going to marry me or not?"

"Why should I marry you?"

"Because I- you know what. I'm not going to ask you again. At least not until you stop being crazy."

Elizabeth stared for a second, and the look on her face made Darcy wish he hadn't said anything. Then she went back to scheming. She took Darcy's computer and opened the probability application. (Just FYI, it's the one he wrote after getting kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas.)

"Where's Bingley?"

"274." (In this story, the CIA divided the USA up into numbered sections.)

"Call him. Now. No excuses."

Darcy took out his phone and hit 2.

"You have him on speed dial?"

"Yep."

Tell him to come back to- wait. Better idea, I'll tell him. Charles?"

"Elizabeth? Good to hear from you. How's your sister?"

"Great. Want to visit? I need someone to protect our family from Darcy. He shot me."

"No offence, but will Jane be there?"

"Of course."

"And how are you? Why'd he shoot you? For rejecting him? I heard about that."

"No. He wants to steal my cat. But now that you mention it-"

Darcy elbowed Elizabeth, but missed and hit her arm.

"Ow. Gotta go. Darcy's trying to kill me again."

"Am not!"

"Sure…in denial."

Darcy was silent for a moment. Elizabeth hung up. Darcy took Elizabeth's arm and lightly traced the path of the bullet.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah. Since your elbow just hit my arm."

"Sorry."

"It's time for you to go."

"Gyah! Miss Bingley and Ms. Bingley. I wish I hadn't sent Charles away. Can't stand them."

"As Richard would put it, that's how the cookie gets crumbled when making cheesecake."

"Just wondering, how much do you like Richard?"

"Now? More than you."

"How much more?"

"Enough."

"Enough gor what?"

"What do you think? Enough for us to get married."

"I talked to him and-"

"Seriously? You are so clueless, it's ridiculous. I like him as a friend. Same with Charles."

"Oh, and I thought."

"Cynic. I'm calling Jane."

"I'm leaving."

"Bye."

Elizabeth opened the door.


	29. The Author May or May Not be Back

**THE AUTHOR IS BACK – OR NOT**

**Author's Note: **The author apologises for not being able to write romance.

**Author's Understudy's Note: **The author's understudy apologises for not existing.

Elizabeth fell onto her bed. Jane was arriving the next day. Same with Charles. She fell asleep with the song she and Darcy had written running through her head.

Charles arrived first. Darcy had drove him to the Bennets. Jane landed her helicopter on the Bennet's landing pad. Elizabeth hugged her. Or at least tried to with one arm. Then Jane saw Mr. Bingley. She looked at him coolly.

"Hello Mr. Bingley. Nice to meet you again."

"Oh Jane, nice to meet you." Mr. Bingley rushed to her and kneeled in front of her. He held her hand.

"Will you marry me?"

Jane broke down.

"I thought you hated me."

"How could I hate you?"

"Hey Darcesta, let's give them some privacy." Elizabeth said.

"Okay Elizabeth." Darcy said cautiously. Elizabeth put her hand on his arm.

"So now…"

"Now I say goodbye to you. You can go be a workaholic. And oh yeah, we'll see each other at Jane and Charles wedding. And here."

Elizabeth slipped the bracelet off her arm and handed it to him. Then she looked away. Darcy dropped his arm and she let go. Elizabeth turned back to him.

"Goodbye."

"I've changed my mind. I don't care how crazy you are. You can be crazy as you wish. We don't have to have a wedding." Darcy dropped to his knees. He took Elizabeth's hand.

"Ow. You're killing my arm."

"Please will you marry me?"

"Yes."

Darcy slipped the bracelet back on her arm. Then he hugged her. Elizabeth pushed him away.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty six."

"You know, my mom's going to make me have a wedding no matter what."

"Poor you."

"You're not going to back out on this one, are you? Or else I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"Well…there is this one thing…"

"Elizabeth." He growled. "I am going insane."

"Don't you have to ask my parents?"

"Parents. It's been so long since I've seen _my _parents, I find the subject of parents confusing and incomprehensible."

"Come on." Lizzie dragged Darcy into the living room. Mrs. Bennet had returned from whatever trip she had been on.

"What. Are _you _doing here?" Mrs. Bennet asked Darcy.

"Um…"

"Snobbish rich people are not allowed in my house." This hypocritic comment amused both Elizabeth and Darcy.

"Actually…I was going to request the hand of your daughter in marriage."

"As if!" Mrs. Bennet said. "After nearly killing her twice, I want a restraining order on you."

"Mo-_ther_!"

"Have you asked your father about this?"

"Yes."

"Fine, but if my daugher gets so much as a papercut, I am filing a restraining order on you."

"Oh, and mother? A happier thought, Mr. Bingley is here. And he went with Jane for a walk."

"Oh?" Mrs. Bennet raised an eyebrow.

Elizabeth sat down at the computer and started digging through her contacts. Because about ninety percent of her friends worked for the government, and because the government was so paranoid, it took a long time to find the current e-mails of everyone. She typed out the announcement to her closest friends, and wrote one e-mail to the rest of the people. She also composed a letter to a friend in Transylvania who decided to only correspond by mail. (No, the friend was _not_ a vampire.)

Surprisingly, it took Darcy much longer to send out the announcement, despite the fact he only had one person to send it to. His sister. But this was a lot more complicated. He had degraded her for years, calling her 'mentally ill' and the 'girl who believes in chameleon cats'. Georgiana had questioned him on whether that was fair or not, but he had always replied that he absolutely _hated_ her. Even recently, scratch that, especially recently, he had said things that he could now kill himself for. This was going to involve a _lot_ of explaining. He started typing up pages and pages and pages of explanations on the not-so-recent change of mind. Even after typing up what was the most basic of explanations, it still didn't explain it. But some things can't be explained.


	30. Wedding Planning & Wedding I

**Wedding Planning & Wedding I**

Mrs. Bennet went into crazy wedding planner mode. Half the time, Mr. Bennet didn't seem to remember that his children were getting married. Which was completely normal for both of them. Elizabeth had insisted that Jane was to get married first because she and Charles had met first. Also, Mrs. Bennet would have less time to mess up help plan Elizabeth's wedding.

Elizabeth looked through a giant stack of wedding schedules and plans.

"Lizzy, which color?" Darcy held fanned out a stack of colour samples.

"Lavender, no aquamarine, fuchsia, green, I don't know. Not orange, not yellow, not red." Elizabeth said.

"Maybe light blue? Light green?" Darcy picked out about half the stack and put it down.

Lizzy shook her head. Darcy held up the cards for a few more seconds. Jane burst into the room.

"Oh my gosh, that colour is perfect!" Jane screamed. "Don't put it down! It's going to take forever for me to find that colour again." Darcy held up the cards for a bit longer, waiting for Jane. Jane took out one of the card and Darcy put the stack down. Elizabeth flipped through a book on wedding etiquette.

"Lizzy, you still have to choose a colour." Darcy clipped the stack of colour samples together.

"Silver." Elizabeth said the first colour that came to her mind.

"Silver? What?"

"Oh! I saw this really really awesome wedding dress. Lizzie, come here." Jane dragged her over to a laptop. "See? Isn't it just wonderful? And it totally goes with your colour scheme."

"Jane? How much sugar did you have?"

"I am a bit hyper, and by a bit, I mean a lot."

"Yes you are." Elizabeth said, tilting her head to one side. "I guess if you trimmed off the frill on this side and added some ribbon there, maybe…"

"Anyways, you still have to choose your bridesmaid dress."

Elizabeth made a face.

"Come on, it's not that bad."

Darcy shrugged. "I've asked her fifty seven times about dresses, and she has yet to respond."

Charles walked in with another stack of plans.

"Your mom should have gone into the wedding planning business. She is scaring me."

Elizabeth reached out to take the plans. Jane took them instead.

"Nuh-uh, we are going through clothes, get the guys to go through the planning." Jane shoved the papers back at Charles. Charles dropped them onto the desk in front of Darcy.

"Fitz, you are going to help me with this."

Elizabeth thought all the dresses were blurring into one. Thank goodness, they were down to seven.

"What does your wedding dress look like?" Elizabeth asked. Jane clicked through the many web browsers and showed it to Elizabeth. "This one goes with it the most." Elizabeth pointed at the page she was on. "And I'm not going through any more dresses or else I'll scream."

One week later, all the planning for Jane and Charles's wedding was done. Everybody was randomly spazzing except Mr. Bennet and Darcy because Darcy never spazzes and Mr. Bennet…well nobody was sure if he was even aware of the fact that Jane was getting married. The Bennet's house was full of wedding stuff. Elizabeth picked her way through the boxes. At least they were moving all this stuff out and then there was the wedding rehearsal and blah blah blah.

The wedding ended (another reason the author doesn't describe wedding is the fact that it leads to religious controversy and unneeded complications, but the wedding is somewhat traditional United States). Ironically, Elizabeth had caught the bouquet.


	31. Wedding II

**Wedding II**

**Author's Note: **Yay! Last chapter. Then the epilogue and appendix and stuff.

Elizabeth's wedding. She had half a mind to kill someone and go to a funeral instead. But, there is absolutely no way you can kill someone in ridiculously uncomfortable shoes while someone is fussing over your hair.

"Lizzy, sit still." Charlotte muttered.

"I seem to have developed a sudden case of ADHD."

"Ha. I get to torture you now. You get to torture me later."

"Yep. I'm going to walk extremely slow."

"Hm, maybe you should have ordered handheld electronic games for everybody, so they don't die of boredom. Because that would result in a _lot _of funerals."

"Whatever. Just get on with it."

The actual wedding part ended. Now came the annoying part. The part where there's a ton of food that you don't get to eat because you're so busy saying thank you to all the people saying congratulations. Elizabeth finally recorded "thank you" and just hit the "play" button every time someone said "congratulations". This got the message across that there are more interesting things to say than congratulations.

So now half of the Bennet sisters were happily married. Everyone lived happily ever after…ish.


	32. EPILOGUE

**EPILOGUE**

Elizabeth and Darcy adopted twins. Jane and Charles adopted a girl. Lydia and Wickham became famous for their really bad singing. But Miss Bingley still wanted the Darcy's money, Catherine DeBourough was furious, but that's all another story. Literally.


	33. The Story on Wickham

The full story on Wickham. The short explanation the author put in the book made very little sense and was strangely random. So here is a much better explanation on what happened between Wickham and the Darcys.

Middle School:

Wickham and Darcy first met each other in a computer class at their middle school. Wickham knew a lot about current day technology, while Darcy knew the schematics of pretty much every computer. They were in the same group on a computer project and became friends.

High School:

Strangely enough, Darcy and Wickham were put in the same computer class again. During high school, they became interested in firewalls and spyware. Darcy incorporated Wickham in a project to create antivirus software. Wickham seemed to be more interested in the spyware and hacking part then the prevention. He actually brought the whole school website down, though he claimed it was an accident. Darcy was more than suspicious. The NSA picked up on all the scramblers and encryption Darcy had created and hired him right after he graduated. Wickham decided to work for a while to earn some money before going to college.

College and the NSA:

The NSA managed to figure out how to make him take online college courses while working. A few years after he graduated, his parents died (this will be explained later), and Wickham contacted him. Darcy's father had said before that he would pay for part of Wickham's college tuition. Darcy would have refused, but since his father had wanted that before his death, Darcy gave Wickham some money.

The Really Confusing Day:

Georgiana was really hyper and not thinking properly that night after the musical. If Georgiana would agree to marry someone randomly, who knew what else could happen? Darcy really didn't want to keep the baby, but Veronyka had begged him, and Georgiana was one of the few people Darcy couldn't say no to, if what they were asking for was almost reasonable. Darcy moved Georgiana back to New York City and asked his friends and family to watch over her and Veronyka.

Some Notes:

Wickham didn't adopt the baby on purpose. One of his friends had dropped the baby off at his house and refused to take her back. He thought up a weird twisted plan to give the baby to Georgiana so he could get Georgiana to marry him. If he got married to Georgiana, he would be able to get almost anything from Darcy through Georgiana. This plan was more than slightly weird, but evil twisted minds think up strange plans that do not make any sense at all.


	34. Reviewers, look at this

**-REVIEWS—**

** Kate**  
>Thanks<p>

**NYT  
><strong>Maybe...but what's the point of begging for reviews? I couldn't remember the Bingley sisters' names, and then I didn't feel like changing it. Makes it a bit more confusing for the readers, but whatever.**  
><strong>


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